Author Topic: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)  (Read 8223 times)

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Shea

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2010, 04:41:11 PM »
Good grief. Has your uncle never heard of cancer?

People make horrible assumptions about that too. A family friend died several years ago of lung cancer that metastasized to several other organs. People made all sorts of comments about how smoking will do that, and that's what happens when you smoke and how long ago did she quit?

She'd never smoked a cigarette in her life.


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Kendo_Bunny

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #16 on: November 14, 2010, 11:24:47 PM »
I honestly think the reason people do that is to convince themselves that they aren't going to be the next to die. It's a sort of built-in defense mechanism - "Well, the deceased must've done X, which I don't do, so I'm not going to die like they did!" Like dying of cervical cancer ("She must've slept around, which I don't do!"), AIDS ("a filthy druggie or a *exceedingly impolite term*), or even a car accident ("they could only have been speeding or texting"). Pushing the responsibility onto the deceased instead of crazy, random happenstance makes people feel more in control of their own lives and deaths.

A high school friend's little brother died right after reaching 21 of complications from MS. If anyone had suggested it was anything less than savory, I'm sure anyone who had ever met him would have rained vengeance down upon that idiot's head - he was one of the sweetest, kindest, most loving and patient people I had ever met.

jimithing

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #17 on: November 14, 2010, 11:55:06 PM »
I honestly think the reason people do that is to convince themselves that they aren't going to be the next to die. It's a sort of built-in defense mechanism - "Well, the deceased must've done X, which I don't do, so I'm not going to die like they did!" Like dying of cervical cancer ("She must've slept around, which I don't do!"), AIDS ("a filthy druggie or a *exceedingly impolite term*), or even a car accident ("they could only have been speeding or texting"). Pushing the responsibility onto the deceased instead of crazy, random happenstance makes people feel more in control of their own lives and deaths.


I agree with this. I think we all do this. When I hear of a car accident, and there are fatalities, I always check to see if they are wearing their seat belt, because many times, they aren't. And truthfully, it makes me feel just a bit better, hoping that if I were in the same situation, or a loved one was, they would have lived.

I actually have a friend whose son passed away two days ago. He was in his mid-30s. They released the obituary, and no cause of death was listed. It WAS a drug overdose in this case.

Veronica

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #18 on: November 14, 2010, 11:55:28 PM »
I honestly think the reason people do that is to convince themselves that they aren't going to be the next to die.

This.  It is like anything horrible that happens to people.  Other people have to convince themselves that it would never happen to them or someone they love.  "My daughter would never sleep with a window open so therefore no one will ever break into her house."  "I'd never be out after midnight so a drunk driver would never drive me off a road."

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Spoder

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #19 on: November 15, 2010, 02:17:34 AM »
I honestly think the reason people do that is to convince themselves that they aren't going to be the next to die.

This is true.

Unfortunately, in some cases there is also a judgmental ignorance at play that goes way beyond mere wishful thinking. For example, anyone who thinks that 'unsavoury behaviour' is the only (or even the major) cause of cervical cancer or AIDS, is dangerously uneducated, IMHO.

bopper

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #20 on: December 15, 2010, 04:20:06 PM »
For that age range, the leading cause of death is "Uninentional Injury" and that can mean:



Source: http://webappa.cdc.gov/sasweb/ncipc/leadcaus10.html

audrey1962

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #21 on: December 15, 2010, 04:30:14 PM »
I honestly think the reason people do that is to convince themselves that they aren't going to be the next to die. It's a sort of built-in defense mechanism - "Well, the deceased must've done X, which I don't do, so I'm not going to die like they did!" Like dying of cervical cancer ("She must've slept around, which I don't do!"), AIDS ("a filthy druggie or a *exceedingly impolite term*), or even a car accident ("they could only have been speeding or texting"). Pushing the responsibility onto the deceased instead of crazy, random happenstance makes people feel more in control of their own lives and deaths.

ITA. And some people just go to the most insane lengths to "justify" why the victim deserved to die.

Fortunately, I have never, ever, heard anyone do this in a child's death.

Amava

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #22 on: December 15, 2010, 04:42:51 PM »
I honestly think the reason people do that is to convince themselves that they aren't going to be the next to die.

This is true.

Unfortunately, in some cases there is also a judgmental ignorance at play that goes way beyond mere wishful thinking. For example, anyone who thinks that 'unsavoury behaviour' is the only (or even the major) cause of cervical cancer or AIDS, is dangerously uneducated, IMHO.

In my country, there has recently been a huge scandal when a rather high-placed person had stated (in a book he wrote) that "AIDS is a kind of immanent justice, for the respectless way humans treat love" (I paraphrase, but that was the gist of it). The storm that broke loose after this publication was, I am proud to say (because it pleads for the intelligence of the public), tremendous. 

Kendo_Bunny

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #23 on: December 18, 2010, 04:12:58 PM »
I honestly think the reason people do that is to convince themselves that they aren't going to be the next to die.

This is true.

Unfortunately, in some cases there is also a judgmental ignorance at play that goes way beyond mere wishful thinking. For example, anyone who thinks that 'unsavoury behaviour' is the only (or even the major) cause of cervical cancer or AIDS, is dangerously uneducated, IMHO.

Well, yes. But it still goes back to the wishful thinking - whatever they can do to distinguish themselves and their behavior from the deceased means that they are less likely to die, in their own minds. I found out recently that Isaac Asimov died of AIDS-related complications, because of a transfusion of infected blood during heart surgery in 1983. But it wasn't reported at the time, because people were still in an uproar over AIDS.

It's horrible, but too many people are terrified of death for it not to be common.

Minmom3

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #24 on: December 18, 2010, 05:08:39 PM »
I honestly think the reason people do that is to convince themselves that they aren't going to be the next to die.

This is true.

Unfortunately, in some cases there is also a judgmental ignorance at play that goes way beyond mere wishful thinking. For example, anyone who thinks that 'unsavoury behaviour' is the only (or even the major) cause of cervical cancer or AIDS, is dangerously uneducated, IMHO.

Oh, ja!  That would be why my aged grandmother died of it at age 83.....  Not because she hadn't been to any doctor in 15+ years, now.  Nope, couldn't be that...
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exitzero

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #25 on: December 18, 2010, 06:06:44 PM »
Also, when people say things like that, they make it seem like if it WAS a drug overdose, that wouldn't be a tragedy, too.


inna.minnit

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Re: Because of his age, it must have been...(Death)
« Reply #26 on: April 02, 2011, 01:38:00 PM »
My best friend knew a nan who recently went missing and was later found in the river.  Everyone is assuming suicide because he recently lost his job.  It could be, but it could also be that he went to the river to think and accidentally fell in.  People do have accidents.  Why assume, or wors say to the widow that it was intentional. No one knows for sure, so why go there?