Hello all. I'm new and I've read this entire thread this evening.
Samgirl2, I'm so sorry about the loss of your friendship. I think you've gotten some great support and advice here. I've been in similar situations a few times, and it really made me wonder if my former friend ever viewed our friendship as highly as I had, or if I'd been mistaken.
I definitely believe that your friend knowingly pushed you away. I definitely believe that she brought her husband to coffee in order to prevent herself from addressing her reasons. Whether she asked her husband to come in order to avoid the topic, or he imposed himself in order to prevent it, I don't know.
I'm certain that her pregnancy is what caused the strange behavior. I strongly suspect that despite her comments, it was unintended. I say this because I've had a few friends have this happen to them and they behaved similarly in that they avoided the topic until late in their pregnancies. The most extreme case of this was the first one, when we were 16. She only spoke to me by phone for 8 months, and never revealed that she was pregnant. We went to different schools and none of our mutual friends had seen her in person either. When she finally told me that she was going to have a baby any day now, I told her "congratulations" and did my best to be excited and supportive. She told me that she was happy that I had said congratulations because everyone else they knew (most of her family friends were from church, too) sounded sad, instead. She planned to continue to date her boyfriend, the father of the child. Shortly after that, the last conversation I had with her, she told me that he disappeared. Just moved and didn't leave a forwarding address. After that, I didn't hear from her for 6 years, even though I called and wrote. Out of the blue, I got an invitation to her wedding (FWIW, not to the father of the child). I imagine that all along, she had been embarrassed and was avoiding me and our other friends. She probably felt that she didn't want to hear about how the rest of us were off at university, flirting, partying, and living free spirited lifestyles.
Could it be possible that your friend and her husband have had a change of heart in their religious beliefs? Could they be pulling away from your church as a whole?
I think kokopellimom brings up an interesting point here. A small part of me wonders if all your pregnant friend's comments about home renovation and prams are not true. Maybe she and her husband plan to give the baby up for adoption and don't feel like they can tell the rest of their existing friends that. Maybe they would rather not have baby showers, and discussions about future plans. And that they will just find new friends after the baby is born. Or they're not crossing that bridge until they come to it.