Just had two emails from pregnant friend. Sounds back to normal in the first, then frustrating in the second.
So we had our usual weekly church group at my house on Weds. Pregnant friend and husband officially lead but as you know, not attended in absolute ages so we've been arranging it amongst ourselves. So, because I'd hosted this week I sent out the usual reminder email the next day (yesterday) about where we were going to be meeting the following week, who was leading, and any points to remember. I copied this couple into the email out of courtesy and I just added a basic PS that we hoped they and the bump were doing ok. Didn't expect a response in the slightest.
She has just replied with
Thanks so much! We are good thanks. Bump getting bigger and baby wriggling a lot – but all good!
Hope all is well with you and that you have some good news on the job front soon.
So, sounds like her old self which is great and it doesn't seem to expect a reply which is fine with me. However I don't want to be rude, but I can't pretend things are the same and be too friendly.
While I was thinking about this I received the second email....
Two very good mutual friends of me and this couple are getting married soon and the hen and stag do's are happening on the same night, in 3 weeks time, and were organised back in December. Both pregnant friend and her husband had confirmed their attendance at the time for the respective events and then reconfirmed once all the activities were arranged. I don't know all the details of the stag do but pregnant friend's DH was definitely expected. Once we knew about the baby we made it clear pregnant friend was of course not expected to participate in anything too wild or stay out late or anything (the bride is teetotal and doesn't want any crazy clubbing or wild stuff anyway) like that but the bride would really like her there for some of it.. She said she was coming for pottery painting and dinner. She had to cancel the spa part of the afternoon because the venue say the temperature is unsafe was pregnant women.
I am organising the hen do with another friend. Earlier this week I sent out a general reminder email to everyone that the date was coming up and of where to be and when. Guests had already confirmed they were coming and we have paid deposits to the venues etc (pottery place is opening just for us, dinner required a deposit upfront etc). This was literally just a reminder.
She has just emailed to say the plans look great but unfortunately it is her husband's birthday and they will be celebrating with his sister and brother in law who will be visiting them for the weekend and so won't be attending either do. "Sorry about that but it sounds like you have lots of other people going. xx"
I find this really frustrating. It's not like they didn't know it was her husband's birthday (which is actually 2 days earlier, not that weekend) but they both committed to celebrating with these friends on the saturday and now have already made other arrangements and only told me because I sent out a reminder.
I feel like I cannot reply because to say what I want to say would cause trouble but to be polite and gracious is a bit beyond me at this minute!
Also not sure what to tell the bride. I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying this couple made other plans?
UPDATE part 2:
Have just spoken with the other girl (A) who is helping to organise the hen party. She also received 2 emails from pregnant friend today. One saying how lovely it was to see A and her DH last night, they were so touched by the baby gift they dropped round, and then immediately followed that with the email about not coming to the hen do.
A says the hen do email was a statement of fact, she is not coming, and doesn't require a response.
Also interesting to note that A and her DH have had no contact whatsoever with this couple since before Christmas (apart from the party start of Feb where they announced the pregnancy) and so she and DH dropped round with a small baby gift last night to make they they spoke to them. Pregnant friend's husband was there and invited them in for a cup of tea and was friendly and chatty but seemed very tired. He is doing DIY himself because pregnant friend can't help but still turned down A and her DH when they offered to help out.. Pregnant friend meanwhile was out for dinner with the other pregnant women from work and came in just as A and DH were leaving.....so she has no problems socialising. Just with us...