Apologies ignored and friendship not what I thought?? Update #279

[furrcats]

Glad to hear it op.

[Danika]

If I ever do find out what was going on I will post and let you guys know.

Do, please. I would be interested if you complete the puzzle.

[JoyinVirginia]

If I ever do find out what was going on I will post and let you guys know.

Do, please. I would be interested if you complete the puzzle.

Just out of curiosity, I would too. OP, you have been gracious and I am glad you are doing fine

[MC Clapyohanz]

With the "baby won't go away" comment, I wonder if she wanted to terminate the pregnancy but didn't feel she could because of religious/ethical/personal views regarding abortion (going by what the OP said earlier that they weren't into having kids and then the wife became pregnant). Or maybe the husband has changed his mind and decided he does want kids and the wife still doesn't.

Anyone else have these thoughts?

[Danika]

With the "baby won't go away" comment, I wonder if she wanted to terminate the pregnancy but didn't feel she could because of religious/ethical/personal views regarding abortion (going by what the OP said earlier that they weren't into having kids and then the wife became pregnant). Or maybe the husband has changed his mind and decided he does want kids and the wife still doesn't.

Anyone else have these thoughts?

I thought something along the same lines. But I wondered what a religious married person would do regarding adoption. Did she think that she couldn't just say "We didn't want to be parents, so we're giving it up for adoption"? I wondered if maybe they would give it up for adoption, and then would just join a new church where no one knew them or knew they were ever expecting.

And I didn't want to get on my soapbox, but I will now => Why didn't they take more measures to ensure that they wouldn't get her pregnant? ie: numerous forms of birth control, not just one. Or a vasectomy, for example. If you're married, and you do the deed, you could end up pregnant, duh!

[Elfmama]

And I didn't want to get on my soapbox, but I will now => Why didn't they take more measures to ensure that they wouldn't get her pregnant? ie: numerous forms of birth control, not just one. Or a vasectomy, for example. If you're married, and you do the deed, you could end up pregnant, duh!

Happens to a lot of us.  "You don't want to stop now to mess with that stupid diaphragm, do you?"  And 9 months later...

[Lisbeth]

Well, you still don't know why she went cold on you all of a sudden, but I agree with all the advice to let this friendship go.  They already did.

[Iris]

If you're married, and you do the deed, you could end up pregnant, duh!

Actually even if you're not married 

[Samgirl2]

Well guys, she's had the baby!  It was a little girl, born 4 weeks early, slight problem with her lungs so will be in special care for a few days but nothing serious.

She sent an email at 8am this morning to our church home group (the one they no longer attend) saying "hi there, well baby couldn't wait till I finished work and went on maternity leave. Baby was born 24 hours ago, (name and weight) and is adorable but could you pray for her because of a slight lung problem, she is in special care for a few days but we want to be able to feed and cuddle her asap, thanks".

I replied just saying "congratulations, and such a beautiful name! Hope she's fighting fit asap so you can cuddle her x". She has just come back with "many thanks"

This is not judging, just commenting, that I checked their facebook pages, and family and coworkers have been congratulating them since yesterday so it seems we really were the last to know. I never would have imagined any of this before she got pregnant but hey, you can't predict everything. I am ok with it. Just still weird to think I won't be rushing over there to cuddle the baby and chat to her.

A friend from our social circle had emailed them last week to say we wanted to have a bit of a get together before the baby's arrival, as a celebration, suggesting a pudding party at someone's home. I wasn't part of the plan as I didn't think there was any point but this friend really wanted to try one more time. Didn't think they would agree but they said yes and suggested a date the week before she was due, so in 3 weeks time.  So, I was gearing up for how that would be.  Now I guess it will be a welcome baby event, if they still come!

I have a card and a babygro I plan to put in the post to them. It's a small present, because I feel like I want to be nice but not go too far, but I plan to post it, not go round personally. I think that's for the best.

[LifeOnPluto]

I'm glad the baby seems ok. I personally think you are being far too nice to your former friend (sending the gift and everything), but that's just me.

I also doubt they'll attend the baby party, but in fairness, I wouldn't blame them if they pulled out, given they're first time parents with a premature baby.

[Samgirl2]

I'm glad the baby seems ok. I personally think you are being far too nice to your former friend (sending the gift and everything), but that's just me.

I also doubt they'll attend the baby party, but in fairness, I wouldn't blame them if they pulled out, given they're first time parents with a premature baby.

I have wondered if I'm being too nice, but I bought the present when I first found out and everything was only just starting to get weird and I thought it might blow over. So, it seems a shame not to actually give it to them. I don't have anyone else who needs it and it would just be a waste in my cupboard. However I definitely don't want to go round and call on them so I figured the post was the best thing.

[Perfect Circle]

I wouldn't send it.

I'd give it to them if they turn up at the baby party. But otherwise I wouldn't bother.

The ball is entirely in their corner. They need to repair the damage they've done, not you.

[gramma dishes]

I don't think you need to send it, but I do think it would be a very nice (and particularly in this case) generous gesture.  You did purchase it with this particular baby in mind, and I think sending it puts you on the high road whether or not you ever see these people again.  At the very least, you will know you did everything possible to keep the friendship intact.

[Samgirl2]

OP again,

So she has just texted me from the hospital with an update on the baby. Now breathing normally and feeding, they will check her again tomorrow, hope to go home in a couple of days, "please say hi to everyone for us, X"

I just really don't get it at all. Now they want to be friends again??

[gramma dishes]

Is there even a remote possibility that this has actually been a troublesome pregnancy and they may have felt they wanted to sort of withdraw a little until they were absolutely certain that everything was going to be okay?  If something had gone horribly wrong, it's difficult to repeat the sad story over and over with various friends.

Or maybe they really weren't terribly enthusiastic about having a baby at all, but now that she's here and they've fallen in love with her, they feel more like their "old" selves?