Etiquette School is in session! > The Ehell Guide to Never Behaving Badly

Funerals and Mourning

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Reader:
Can I add the following?

Please do not attend the funeral if you do not have a good history with the bereaved at all.

I was 16 when my mother passed.  At my mother's funeral a girl that had bullied me heavily through out middle school and into high school to a lesser degree, decided to attend and act like she was my good friend.  I never said anything to her, mainly because I think I was still in shock from my mom passing.  But I also remember being very angry with her for showing up and wondering what she was doing there, which interrupted me during my time of grieving.

Mopsy428:
Another thing: when someone you know has lost someone, do not immediately ask about how X relative is doing and completely ignore their feelings.

I'm saying the above badly, but here are a couple of examples:

When my maternal grandmother died, I had teachers who would say, "I heard about your grandmother! How is your mother doing? Is she OK?" Some teachers would completely forget to ask me how I was doing. I thought this was really odd. I mean, yes, ask about my mother; I don't mind that, but I did actually have a relationship with my grandmother and am sad, too.

When my paternal grandfather died, I had the same thing from people, except it wasn't just limited to teachers. I finally said to one person, "Dad's doing as well as can be expected. I am doing OK, too, considering I was the one who called 911 when he had his heart attack."  :-\

Bellantara:
Please do not lean on the deceased's casket, on his folded flag, while talking to other people.  >:( :o >:(  Goes double if you're a relative by marriage who's been out of the family for 30+ years. (Why yes, this did happen at my grandfather's funeral. I was too stunned to say anything.)

SamiHami:
Oh, and in the case of a suicide, don't run around at the funeral saying "I knew he would do it.  I knew it!"

FoxPaws:

--- Quote from: SamiHami on March 31, 2011, 08:23:04 AM ---Oh, and in the case of a suicide, don't run around at the funeral saying "I knew he would do it.  I knew it!"

--- End quote ---
- And don't press for details that the family has not volunteered, such as how it was done, who found the body, whether there was a note, etc. It is beyond cruel to ask people to recount the worst experience of their lives just to satisfy someone else's morbid curiosity. This is true of any death, whether suicide, accident, or illness. If the family isn't sharing, consider the subject closed.

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