Perfect Bride or Foot-in-Mouth? PerfectBrides1211-06

[Lillie82]

I really do think this couple's heart and priorities were in the right places, but I think what the groom actually said...came out wrong, at least. And then there's the fact that the couple pressured the OP into doing a "job" at their wedding, and one she obviously wasn't very comfortable with. See the parts I bolded.

(As an aside, we don't seem to post many Perfect Bride stories as Classics.)My high school friend Jerri announced her engagement in 1981. I was overjoyed for her...until she told me they wanted to sing at their wedding. My voice is, at best, marginal. She pointed out that we sang this particular country-and-western song all the time together. I said that was different - no audience. I'd be glad to play the piano for the singer, and be a bridesmaid, but I couldn't sing.   Jerri and her fiancé ganged up on me and I'll never forget what her groom said: "If we wanted a performance, we'd hire Crystal Gayle. It's YOU we want in the wedding, and we don't care if you sound like a bullfrog."    I went to the wedding and managed to get off-key only once. They thanked me profusely, and I'll carry the memory the rest of my life. They didn't care about a great performance.... they really wanted ME there. I'm happy to report that they're still together. 

[Yvaine]

I think I'd have to have heard it out loud.

"If we wanted a performance, we'd hire Crystal Gayle. It's YOU we want in the wedding, and we don't care if you sound like a bullfrog." delivered with a warm smile--could be well in keeping with this group's sense of humor, and could be trying to tell her she doesn't sound as bad as the thinks

"If we wanted a performance, we'd hire Crystal Gayle. It's YOU we want in the wedding, and we don't care if you sound like a bullfrog." said dismissively--could sound like he really does think she sounds like a bullfrog and could be rude.

[Emmy]

I vote foot-in-mouth.

Maybe the couple didn't care what the OP sounded like and just wanted her there which was sweet, but I still think pressuring her was very rude.  Most people would be uncomfortable singing in front of an audience if they were not good singers.  It sounds like the HC was reassuring the OP that it doesn't matter to them what she sounds like without considering it might matter to her if she would be uncomfortable singing. 

Being subjected to a high level of pressure to do something like this is not fun and not gracious on the part of the HC.  I'm glad it worked out in the end, although I'm sure it would be a different story if the OP did not do well singing, felt humiliated or resentful at being pressured to do this, and having to look at the feedback from the audience (many people aren't polite and snicker or make eye rolls during these situations).

[Yvaine]

It's hard to tell whether she meant "ganged up" with tongue in cheek though--I think they were rude if they did get high-pressure about it, but if she demurred based on thinking she wasn't a good singer, I'm not sure it was necessarily rude to try to put her fears at ease and re-ask once. My gut tells me they approached it more kindly than what's coming across in the post; I think I mostly think that because the LW obviously has warm fuzzy feelings about the whole thing ("I'll carry the memory the rest of my life. They didn't care about a great performance.... they really wanted ME there") rather than posting it as a 'zilla story.

[Carnation]

What she said: We don't care if you sound like a bullfrog!

What would have been better:  We wouldn't care if you sounded like a bullfrog.

[TootsNYC]

It's hard to tell whether she meant "ganged up" with tongue in cheek though--I think they were rude if they did get high-pressure about it, but if she demurred based on thinking she wasn't a good singer, I'm not sure it was necessarily rude to try to put her fears at ease and re-ask once. My gut tells me they approached it more kindly than what's coming across in the post; I think I mostly think that because the LW obviously has warm fuzzy feelings about the whole thing ("I'll carry the memory the rest of my life. They didn't care about a great performance.... they really wanted ME there") rather than posting it as a 'zilla story.

I agree--I trust the OP, because she was there, and I think the fact that she found it so flattering, and that she has such wonderful memories of it, are proof that it was warmly done and that her hesitation was not shyness or discomfort but rather a bit of vanity (I don't want to look bad for not being able to sing).

[Deetee]

It's hard to tell whether she meant "ganged up" with tongue in cheek though--I think they were rude if they did get high-pressure about it, but if she demurred based on thinking she wasn't a good singer, I'm not sure it was necessarily rude to try to put her fears at ease and re-ask once. My gut tells me they approached it more kindly than what's coming across in the post; I think I mostly think that because the LW obviously has warm fuzzy feelings about the whole thing ("I'll carry the memory the rest of my life. They didn't care about a great performance.... they really wanted ME there") rather than posting it as a 'zilla story.

I agree--I trust the OP, because she was there, and I think the fact that she found it so flattering, and that she has such wonderful memories of it, are proof that it was warmly done and that her hesitation was not shyness or discomfort but rather a bit of vanity (I don't want to look bad for not being able to sing).

I also agree. the person who the "insult" was directed towards posted it as story saying how happy it made her feel.
I find something distasteful about suggesting that other people are expressing affection incorrecty when the object of affection is clearly thrilled.

[Mediancat]

Yeah, the OP wasn't offended and this isn't something about which it's worth the effort to take offense on their behalf.

Rob

[rockchalk]

It's hard to tell whether she meant "ganged up" with tongue in cheek though--I think they were rude if they did get high-pressure about it, but if she demurred based on thinking she wasn't a good singer, I'm not sure it was necessarily rude to try to put her fears at ease and re-ask once. My gut tells me they approached it more kindly than what's coming across in the post; I think I mostly think that because the LW obviously has warm fuzzy feelings about the whole thing ("I'll carry the memory the rest of my life. They didn't care about a great performance.... they really wanted ME there") rather than posting it as a 'zilla story.

I agree--I trust the OP, because she was there, and I think the fact that she found it so flattering, and that she has such wonderful memories of it, are proof that it was warmly done and that her hesitation was not shyness or discomfort but rather a bit of vanity (I don't want to look bad for not being able to sing).

I also agree. the person who the "insult" was directed towards posted it as story saying how happy it made her feel.
I find something distasteful about suggesting that other people are expressing affection incorrecty when the object of affection is clearly thrilled.

POD. This sentiment was exactly what I was going to say, only you said it much better than I could have!