• August 30, 2015, 05:32:20 PM

### Author Topic: Roommate Hell.....  (Read 31967 times)

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#### jedikaiti

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #150 on: Yesterday at 12:12:23 AM »
On the shared bathroom situation I don't know why the poster doesn't feel responsible for the situation.  Can you imagine every time you went to the washroom it being locked?  I mean how didn't the poster get that her door was unlocked but forget to unlock the other, it is really is rude to make the mistake over and over again.

I had this same thought when I saw the post but opted not to respond at the time.  Good to see I'm not the only one.  Yes, the BF who shouldn't have been there walked in on her, but the poster created the situation by being so inconsiderate towards her roommate for *months*.  While I could see stating the roommate should've spoken up, we've seen how hard it is for people to have the spine to stand up for themselves so I'm thinking it was easier/non-confrontational to ask the RA to unlock the door...over and over and over again.  I'd fault the RA for not addressing it, not the roommate for the option she took.

It did occur to me that maybe the main reason the OP kept locking the door in the first place was that she was forced to share a bathroom with a male who was basically a stranger to her.  I shared a similar suite when I was in college and I can't remember ever bothering to lock our bathroom door.
So I think the roommate did bring it on herself in a way but I agree that the RA should have handled it better.

The dorms I lived in simply had the toilet in a stall, with a door like you'd find in a public bathroom. You could lock the door to the shared toilet/shower from inside your room, so nobody could come in from the bathroom, but not from inside the bathroom. The shower had 2 curtains - one between the shower and the changing area, and one between that and the hallway. Everyone got their privacy, nobody got locked out of the bathroom. Worked pretty well.
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#### MommyPenguin

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #151 on: Yesterday at 06:55:13 AM »
My first dorm, we had a shared bathroom with the neighboring dorm room.  It had the typical system where it has a door going into each room.  You lock both when you go in, then you unlock both when you go out.  You could also lock the bathroom door from the room side when you weren't using it, so that people from the neighboring room couldn't come into your room.  Well, my roommate was very creeped out by this somehow.  She kept hearing somebody in the bathroom in the middle of the night and assuming they were evil attackers determined to sneak into our room and attack us, or... something.  Once I got up to go to the bathroom during the night, and when I went to leave the bathroom, I couldn't... she'd locked me in!  I knocked, and she eventually opened the door--holding a softball bat.  I reminded her that people use the bathroom during the night sometimes.  <eye roll>

She was also very, very homesick.  She spent 6-8 hours on the phone every single day, talking to her parents or her best friend from  home.  I think she and her best friend were actually lovers.  One time she was being super secretive on the computer, glancing back at me every ten seconds to see if I could read her screen, etc.  She was *so* secretive about it that it drew my attention to what she was doing and I read a few words without intending to.   I thought it pretty funny that her attempts to be secretive were actually what gave away her secret.  (Her screen was positioned in a way that it was very easy for me to read and hard to avoid doing so if I glanced her way--which I wouldn't normally have had any reason to do, except that her odd behavior made me look at her to see what was going on.)

She and my other roommate (we were in a triple that semester) also really loved to watch the kind of talk shows in which people don't know who the father of their child is and need to have it revealed on television.
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#### Zerbinetta

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #152 on: Yesterday at 11:31:18 AM »
My point is, I didn't realize I'd been doing it. If she'd just told me the first time it happened, I'd have fixed it. All it would have taken was a note on the inside of my door, reminding me to check the lock.

#### Klein Bottle

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #153 on: Yesterday at 01:39:42 PM »
My point is, I didn't realize I'd been doing it. If she'd just told me the first time it happened, I'd have fixed it. All it would have taken was a note on the inside of my door, reminding me to check the lock.

Yeah, while I am certain it was highly annoying and frustrating to your roommate, there were actions several steps short of removing the lock that should have been attempted. And I'm sure that you had no appreciation towards sharing a bathroom with some random boyfriend of hers.

Potential boyfriends is one reason I paid extra for a single room in college, the one year I lived in a dorm. That, and I need (or used to need) complete silence when I am studying or sleeping.
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#### EllenS

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #154 on: Yesterday at 02:52:38 PM »
My point is, I didn't realize I'd been doing it. If she'd just told me the first time it happened, I'd have fixed it. All it would have taken was a note on the inside of my door, reminding me to check the lock.

Indeed. We all do things without realizing.  You can't correct something that you are completely unaware of.

I lucked out and had a pretty good RA my freshman year, but I've heard enough horror stories to realize that two years' difference in maturity is not always sufficient to be a real help to those navigating shared living situations for the first time.

#### gramma dishes

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #155 on: Yesterday at 03:10:36 PM »
I don't get why the RA didn't say something, even if the suitemate felt she couldn't.

That was wrong, I think, for the RA to just go along unlocking the bathroom door without saying anything to the OP, and then to remove the lock completely.

This is the kind of thing that college age kids should be able to work out all by their big girl selves.  It's astonishing that the locked out roommate never said anything to the OP, nor did the RA.  This should not have required outside intervention.

Another thing that puzzles me is why the RA didn't say anything about the boyfriend staying overnight if that was against the school's rules!

#### camlan

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #156 on: Yesterday at 03:34:10 PM »
My point is, I didn't realize I'd been doing it. If she'd just told me the first time it happened, I'd have fixed it. All it would have taken was a note on the inside of my door, reminding me to check the lock.

Indeed. We all do things without realizing.  You can't correct something that you are completely unaware of.

This. I'm not saying the OP was right to lock her suitemate out of the bathroom, but to the OP, the situation went from "everything's fine," to "nuclear" in seconds, because she was never given a chance to fix her behavior.
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#### Seraphia

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #157 on: Yesterday at 03:42:48 PM »
I don't get why the RA didn't say something, even if the suitemate felt she couldn't.

That was wrong, I think, for the RA to just go along unlocking the bathroom door without saying anything to the OP, and then to remove the lock completely.

This is the kind of thing that college age kids should be able to work out all by their big girl selves.  It's astonishing that the locked out roommate never said anything to the OP, nor did the RA.  This should not have required outside intervention.

Another thing that puzzles me is why the RA didn't say anything about the boyfriend staying overnight if that was against the school's rules!

This might be my projecting slightly, but I can absolutely see a situation where Roommate feels guilty for breaking the overnight visitors rule, interprets the accidental lockouts as intentional "punishments" from Zerbinetta or some sort of attempt by Z trying to get the RA to notice said visitor, and decides to escalate instead of just saying, "hey, please remember to unlock the door when you're done."

Nooo, I never had roommates who interpreted everything through the filter of their own insecurities, why do you ask?
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#### DollyPond

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #158 on: Yesterday at 06:53:13 PM »

My first, last and only roommate ever was Jean (not Jane).  I was assigned to her when I lived in graduate student housing my first year of graduate school.  I moved in late August and she was supposed to get married in December.  Fine, I could put up with anything for 4 months.

Jean was bulimic.  I figured this out on my own before she told me.  Massive quantities of ice cream and cookies came into the room and disappeared but she was rail thin.  I never actually heard her purging but there was no way she was retaining that many calories and not gaining any weight.  She did eventually tell me and I figured it wasn’t really any of my concern one-way or the other.

Once the RA came and told me that a faculty member had picked Jean up when she was out jogging at 3AM and brought her back to the dorm.  The RA berated me for not telling her that Jean was doing this at night.  My response was that I had no idea she was jogging at 3AM because: A) I was asleep, B) she slept in the living room not the bedroom and C) I was not responsible for the actions of an adult.

The best/worst incident was when she broke up with her fiancée (an extremely nice guy named Ned).  One night she and Ned went out for a special dinner (an anniversary, I think).  I came home and she was laying on her bed with Ned sitting by her side.  Ned said that Jean was very ill and that she had thrown up her whole dinner shortly after eating it.  I expressed no surprise as that happened every night she was home.  Shortly after that she finally owned up to Ned that she had an eating disorder.  He was completely in the dark up until then!  She later joked that Ned thought she should receive psychological counseling and was miffed when I said that I agreed.  Her final decision to break up with Ned was because “He’s not Christian enough for me.”  Ned dodged a bullet if you ask me.

She wound up staying until May when I finally moved out and got an apartment of my own.  No more roommates since then except for kitties.

#### wheeitsme

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #159 on: Yesterday at 09:27:53 PM »

Jean was bulimic.  I figured this out on my own before she told me.  Massive quantities of ice cream and cookies came into the room and disappeared but she was rail thin.  I never actually heard her purging but there was no way she was retaining that many calories and not gaining any weight.

FYI:  That doesn't always mean bulimic.  I've known at least 3 people with such high metabolisms that they sometimes needed supplements.  I used to think that would be a great problem.  Then I realized how very high their grocery bills were, how much they had to shovel in, and the snarky comments they sometimes got.  I'll stick with my treadmill, thank you.

#### jmarvellous

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #160 on: Yesterday at 09:42:45 PM »

My first, last and only roommate ever was Jean (not Jane).  I was assigned to her when I lived in graduate student housing my first year of graduate school.  I moved in late August and she was supposed to get married in December.  Fine, I could put up with anything for 4 months.

Jean was bulimic.  I figured this out on my own before she told me.  Massive quantities of ice cream and cookies came into the room and disappeared but she was rail thin.  I never actually heard her purging but there was no way she was retaining that many calories and not gaining any weight.  She did eventually tell me and I figured it wasn’t really any of my concern one-way or the other.

Once the RA came and told me that a faculty member had picked Jean up when she was out jogging at 3AM and brought her back to the dorm.  The RA berated me for not telling her that Jean was doing this at night.  My response was that I had no idea she was jogging at 3AM because: A) I was asleep, B) she slept in the living room not the bedroom and C) I was not responsible for the actions of an adult.

The best/worst incident was when she broke up with her fiancée (an extremely nice guy named Ned).  One night she and Ned went out for a special dinner (an anniversary, I think).  I came home and she was laying on her bed with Ned sitting by her side.  Ned said that Jean was very ill and that she had thrown up her whole dinner shortly after eating it.  I expressed no surprise as that happened every night she was home.  Shortly after that she finally owned up to Ned that she had an eating disorder.  He was completely in the dark up until then!  She later joked that Ned thought she should receive psychological counseling and was miffed when I said that I agreed.  Her final decision to break up with Ned was because “He’s not Christian enough for me.”  Ned dodged a bullet if you ask me.

She wound up staying until May when I finally moved out and got an apartment of my own.  No more roommates since then except for kitties.

Wait, your roommate was a horror because she was suffering from a serious illness that barely affected you except one time when your RA got annoyed with you but you didn't suffer in any way? And her life was really upturned by it?

I'm really confused by this story.

#### dietcokeofevil

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #161 on: Yesterday at 10:35:46 PM »
My Freshman year of college I had a roommate named Dana.  We got along ok,but she started dating a real jerk. I had Marching Band practice every day.  So I was getting back to our room about the same time everyday.  Yet every day I'd walk in on them.   Towards the end of the year Dana seemed a little cooler towards me.  Over the summer she broke up with her boyfriend that's when I found out he had been telling her that he was calling but I just wasn't passing on the message.  Luckily she realized that he had lied and we were together or sophomore year as well.

We did have a little bit of drama. So freshman year about 3weeks into the semester, One night about 11 o'clock Dana said she was going to try to get to bed early and was already in her pajamas. I had a friend call and want to borrow something so I left the room for 20 minutes.  Dana wasn't there when I returned, but I assumed she had gone down the hall to visit someone and just went to bed myself.  When I got up at six the next morning she still wasn't there and I was really worried.  There was only one other girl,Lori, awake at that time so I talked to her about it and she knew how concerned I was. She even suggested I call Dana's friend and check with her so I did and found out Dana had met some guy and no one knew where she was or anything.Everything turned out OK but I was really concerned.

Dana and Lori got to be good friends.  Sophomore year Lori moved into an apartment. One night she called me when Dana wasn't home and was acting all concerned about Dana going off with some guy- similar to what had happened our Freshman year.  Except by that time I was used to Dana doing her own thing and wasn't expecting her to come home that night.     I told Dana about it when she got home the next day.  Turns out she was over at Lori's and They just wanted to see if they could make me freak out again.   That whole incident changed my opinion on Dana and I was much more cautious around her in the future.

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #162 on: Yesterday at 11:00:14 PM »
This is more of a housemate, rather than roommate situation, but it was still kind of hellish...

The first year after I graduated from college, I lived with a roommate, and things weren't fantastic, but they weren't terrible either.  After that lease ended, I was looking at different options, and saw an ad for a housemate.  Rent was $500 per month, which included electricity, Internet, water, cable, and use of the garage. I met with the guy who owned the house, Kofi, and he explained that he traveled all the time for work, and so was looking for a housemate to offset some of the bills and give the house a more lived in feel. I moved in, and all seemed well for a couple of weeks. There were two other women living there that he'd never mentioned, so that was a little odd. He never gave me access to the garage, which was annoying, but not terribly so. I just parked on the street in front of the house. He seemed kind of unhappy when I asked for his network password, but gave it to me. Then he started giving me the hairy eyeball when I set foot outside my room, no matter what I was doing - making dinner, watching TV, etc. He'd give me weird looks and ask what I was doing, why I needed to be there or just sit and watch me. It was creepy and weird, and made me feel like I was in the wrong for being in public areas of the house! After about two months of my living there, he told me that he'd noticed his electricity and water bills were really going up (yes, this is what happens when you go from one person living in the house for about a week out of every month to having three people living there full time!) and so he was going to have to start charging us for everything that was initially included in the rent. Based on the numbers he gave me, I was going to end up paying$650 a month for a room!  I did some research and found out that studios were available for about \$550 a month.  I gave him a full month's notice.  He freaked out on me, and tried to forbid me to use any of the common areas, since I was "betraying" him by moving out so soon after I'd moved in.  I have never been so grateful to move out of a situation!

Living by myself in that studio was a bit of a financial squeeze, but totally worth it!

#### gramma dishes

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #163 on: Today at 10:18:14 AM »
...  Turns out she was over at Lori's and They just wanted to see if they could make me freak out again.   That whole incident changed my opinion on Dana and I was much more cautious around her in the future.

I think it might have also changed my opinion of Lori!

#### dietcokeofevil

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##### Re: Roommate Hell.....
« Reply #164 on: Today at 01:20:42 PM »
...  Turns out she was over at Lori's and They just wanted to see if they could make me freak out again.   That whole incident changed my opinion on Dana and I was much more cautious around her in the future.

I think it might have also changed my opinion of Lori!

True. But Lori was just a girl that used to live in my dorm,   didn't really have much to do with her anyway.