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  • October 17, 2017, 09:50:48 PM

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Author Topic: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers  (Read 2135224 times)

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GardenGal

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7095 on: October 09, 2017, 06:06:04 PM »
Quote
I am now taking suggestions for how to respond to take down:
- "I am calling from Windows". What I want to do is walk over to my actual glass house windows and respond to everything as if they are talking about regular glass windows.

Per your request for suggestions...

Fake Windows (FW):  I'm calling because your Windows has crashed.
YOU: Oh dear!  Which window was crashed?
FW: The Windows on your computer has crashed.
YOU:  That's not possible.
FW:  Yes, I'm telling you that your Windows has crashed.  You will be having many problems, but I can help you.
YOU: But that's not possible.
FW: Yes, I am telling you truly that it is possible and that your Windows has crashed, but I can help you.
YOU: Look, I appreciate your concern, truly, but I'm looking at the window right now and it is fine, not broken. Nothing has crashed through my window.
FW: Are you looking at the Windows on your computer?  I am telling you it has crashed but I can help you.
YOU:  Yes, I'm looking at the window.  It isn't broken, and I see all these little mages on it.
FW:  Little images?
YOU: Yes, little images of pictures, a clock, a couple of interlocked squares, teeny tiny images of pages I'm working on, etc.  The window is just fine!
FW: You are not understanding me.  The Windows has crashed, not your screen.  I can help you right now with your crashed window.
YOU: You are right, I'm not understanding. If the window had crashed there would be broken glass on my desk, but there is nothing but piles of paperwork, some paper clips, my coffee mug (and I certainly would know if there was broken glass in my mug - that would be dangerous), and so on.  Nothing has crashed.
FW: You are wrong, but I can help you with your crashed window.
YOU:  I still don't understand - if there is no broken glass on my desk how could the window be crashed?  Can you see my desk from your computer?
FW: The glass screen of your monitor is not what has crashed, your Windows has crashed, but I am here to help you.
YOU:  There is a screen on my computer?  Is that what keeps the bugs out of flying into it?
FW: No, no!  I say again that your Windows has crashed.  Do you know what is Windows?  On your computer, Windows.  Do you know what this is?
YOU: No need to get testy with me, young man, of course I know what a window is.  It would be very dangerous to have a computer without a window, because the bugs could fly in, especially if there is no screen.  And you wouldn't see the little pictures on the window. And you'd see all the wires and such, which would be very distracting.
FW: So good, your screen is working, but your Windows is not working and I tell you I can help.
YOU:  Back to the screen again?  Is it behind the window?  Because I don't see the screen, just the window.  And since I can't open the window, how could the bugs get through the window so the screen could trap them?  Usually the screen is on the inside of the window.  At least in the U.S.  Maybe it is different where you are?
FW: You are not understanding me. Your Windows is what has crashed, your screen is fine.  I can help you with your crashed Windows.
YOU: Back to the crash again?  I tell you again there is no glass in my coffee mug, so how could the window be crashed?  The mug is closer to the window than the keyboard is, and it would be so dangerous if I was to drink broken glass. But the window is intact, no breaks anywhere in the glass.  And all the little pictures are where they should be.
FW: How long you have been using a computer that you don't know what Windows is?
YOU:  I've been using a computer for weeks and weeks, maybe even a month.
FW: Very good.  Can you open your Windows so I can help you fix it?
YOU:  No, the window on the computer is fine, and I don't have the tools to open it even if I wanted to.  Wouldn't opening the window void the warranty?
FW: click
"No matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Banzai

WolfWay

  • They burnt down my house... They ate my tailor!
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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7096 on: October 10, 2017, 02:10:17 AM »
o_gal  ~~

This had me laughing out loud and I just kept getting louder and louder until my husband was prompted to check in to see what was going on.  Thanks for the giggles!   ;D

Same here!!!
I just read this whole saga out loud to my office (with dramatic vocal reenactments). You're our "Person of the Day".  ;D ;D
<3

jedikaiti

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  • A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.
Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7097 on: October 11, 2017, 04:57:51 PM »
https://notalwaysright.com/apple-day-keeps-scammer-away/97523/

I think I may need a clip of that sound....
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

zyrs

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  • spiffily male.
Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7098 on: October 12, 2017, 05:40:37 AM »

- The electricity scam. I plan to answer nonsensically, as if I don't have electricity or I don't know what it is.



Electricity is such an ethereal concept.  Maybe burning smudges of sage would help cleanse the bad electricity vibes

KimberlyM

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7099 on: October 12, 2017, 06:04:22 PM »
Got this on my office email this afternoon.  Even if I believed this, it's written so poorly it's practically impossible to read!

Attention: Beneficiary,



This is to officially inform you that we have verified your inheritance file of $8.3m, we found out that why you have not received your payment are because you have not

fulfilled the obligations given to you in respect of your inheritance payment.



Secondly we have been informed that you are still dealing with none officials in the bank all your attempt to secure the release of the fund to you. We wish to advise

you that such an illegal act like this have to stop if you wish to receive your payment since we have decided to bring a solution to your problem. Right now we have

arranged your payment through our swift card payment center Asia pacific that is the latest instruction from General Members of the UNITED NATIONS Organization Main Bodies.


This card center will send you an atm card which you will use to withdraw your money in any atm machine in any part of the world, but the maximum is three thousand

dollars per day, so if you wish to receive your fund this way please let us know by contacting the card payment center and also send the following information to

enable him proceed immediately:




1. Full name:
2. Phone and fax number:
3. Address were you want them to send
The atm card to (p.o box not acceptable):
4. Your age and current occupation:
However, kindly find below the contact person:



William Cassello
Email:cassellowilliam43@gmail.com


Bottlecaps

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  • She boxed her shadow and she won.
Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7100 on: October 12, 2017, 09:45:35 PM »

S: Yes, your computer.
Me: My. Computer.
S: Your computer has crashed and I am not going to be able to keep talking to you.
Me: Yeah, I just f'ed with you for the last 10 minutes to keep you off the line with anybody else. Bye! (click)

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

o_gal, you are my hero. Now I shall wait patiently to receive one of these calls, so that I may make use of your teachings.  ;D
"Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes." -Tori Amos


Lindenharp

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7101 on: October 12, 2017, 11:26:02 PM »
Got this on my office email this afternoon.  Even if I believed this, it's written so poorly it's practically impossible to read!

I think some of these scammers are non-English speaking. Some use an online translator.

I once got an email from an alleged American soldier in Iraq, wanting my help in smuggling Saddam's gold into the U.S. The email was in German. I do not read German, and have no idea why anyone would send me an email in that language. I got the gist of it by using Google Translate, then shared it with a German friend who teaches English at a German university. She said the email must have been put through an online translator from another language into German, as it contained mistakes that even a poor speaker of German would never make.
I do what I do, because it's right! Because it's decent! And above all, it's kind. It's just that. Just kind.

gingerzing

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7102 on: October 13, 2017, 12:20:19 PM »
o_gal  ~~

This had me laughing out loud and I just kept getting louder and louder until my husband was prompted to check in to see what was going on.  Thanks for the giggles!   ;D

Same here!!!

Thanks! I know that the ending makes it sound like one of those Not Always Right stories that end up with extreme vindication for the wronged person, but I swear that I am not making up any of it.

I am now taking suggestions for how to respond to take down:
- "I am calling from Windows". What I want to do is walk over to my actual glass house windows and respond to everything as if they are talking about regular glass windows.
- The IRS scam. Thinking somewhere along the lines of playing a stereotypical US backwoods redneck whose cousin's girlfriend's son's babydaddy is in jail, and I want to know which jail they're going to send me to and how do I specify that I do or don't want to be in jail with him/her. Just keep talking over the scammer in a loud extreme Southern/Texan accent.
- The electricity scam. I plan to answer nonsensically, as if I don't have electricity or I don't know what it is.

Unfortunately, this may have been my one and only grand performance.

My coworker was telling me that she got the IRS call threatening her with jail. 
She lives in a very small town so after a couple rounds of "what do you mean"?  And" how do I get off your call list" She wound up for the finish with this gem.

Her - <with the voice of someone who just had a lightbulb moment of understanding>  So if I don't pay you, you are going to send the police over to take me to jail?
Scam - Yes.  You need to send us the money or we will send the police after you to take you to jail.
Her - OK.  Well, no need for that.  Let me just get up and I will wall over to the jail and turn myself in.
Scam - What?
Her - Sure, the jail is just down the street 3 or 4 blocks.  I will just walk down and turn myself in.
Scam - That isn't the way it works. You send us the money
Her - And if I don't send you the money?
Scam - We will send the police to take you to jail.
Her - Right.  So Instead of that, I will just walk down to the jail and turn myself in.
Scam - What? No.  Why would you do that?
Her - Because I don't what to be a bother to the police and make them waste the trip.
Scam - Just ....
Her - Yes, I can just turn myself in and then throw myself at the mercy of the court.
Scam - But ....
Her - Yup, I can tell the judge that I had NO idea that I owed money to the IRS.  I would not normally think of SCAMMING them.  But a nice young man from the IRS called....Wait, what was your complete name, again? That way when they can find you to give you the reward for capturing the despicable villain who owes money to the IRS....
Scam - My name?
Her - Your full name and address.  Work or home.  I am sure when I get ready to talk to the detective, he will want both.
<Click>

jedikaiti

  • Swiss Army Nerd
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  • A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.
Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7103 on: October 13, 2017, 02:11:28 PM »
*standing ovation*
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7104 on: October 13, 2017, 05:46:09 PM »
Today I had the call from the company in West Bengal - I'm in the UK - asking 'do you get unwanted telephone calls?'

Yup, there's an obvious answer to that one, and I gave it.

Gladly

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7105 on: Today at 07:46:41 AM »
I got one yesterday.  A call from Michael who has a strong Indian accent.  He said he was calling from BT, my phone provider to tell me that my internet account had been compromised, but he could upgrade it to one that would be protected from this kind of attack.  We have two lines coming into the house. One does indeed have a BT internet account associated with it.  We have experienced no issues with our internet service (apart from the speed, but that's due to us being in a rural area, not from any sort of cyber attack.) Michael was calling on the other line.

Me:  Which account?
Michael: The one associated with this number.
Me: The number you are calling on now?
Michael: Yes, Ma'am.  On this number.
Me: Can you confirm the number you are calling?
Michael: Ma'am. It is the number we are speaking on now.
Me: Yes, but what is the number?
Michael: Ma'am. It is the number we are speaking on now.
Me: And what is wrong with this number?
Michael: It has been compromised. You need to upgrade to a secure connection.
Me: Why?
Michael: Ma'am, somebody can steal your data and passwords.
Me: Not on this line.  Goodbye.

Tactical Grace

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7106 on: Today at 10:26:54 AM »
I've been invited to join the Illuminati!

The Illuminati could use a good copy editor. They did avoid the spam filter, though.

Quote
From: The illuminati
Sent: October 16, 2017 8:14 AM
To: Recipients
Subject: Your Invitation.

Greetings, from The illuminati world elite empire,
Bringing the poor, the needy and the talented to limelight of fame, riches, powers and security, get recognized in your business, political race, rise to the top in whatever you do, be protected spiritually and physically! All these you will achieve in a twinkle of an eye when you get initiated into the great Illuminati empire cult. Once you are initiated to the great Illuminati empire, you will have numerous benefits.
join the Illuminati brotherhood today and get instant rich sum of U$100,000.00. This intention is to build up your financial status as a new member of the Illuminati elite, this are one out of the numerous benefit that are given to our newly recruited members who join the Illuminati brotherhood.
 note that this message was created solely for the purpose of our recruitment scheme which will end next month and this offer is meant for unique ones only, if you are not serious on joining The Illuminati empire secret society, you are advise not to contact us at all. This is because disloyalty is highly not tolerated here in our organization.
Do you agree to be a member of The Illuminati new world order? If you do, kindly reply us back through this our direct recruitment email only at: [redacted]       
For more instructions on our membership process.
The Illuminati.

BeagleMommy

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Re: S/O Beggars, Moochers and Scammers
« Reply #7107 on: Today at 10:55:34 AM »
I've been invited to join the Illuminati!

The Illuminati could use a good copy editor. They did avoid the spam filter, though.

Quote
From: The illuminati
Sent: October 16, 2017 8:14 AM
To: Recipients
Subject: Your Invitation.

Greetings, from The illuminati world elite empire,
Bringing the poor, the needy and the talented to limelight of fame, riches, powers and security, get recognized in your business, political race, rise to the top in whatever you do, be protected spiritually and physically! All these you will achieve in a twinkle of an eye when you get initiated into the great Illuminati empire cult. Once you are initiated to the great Illuminati empire, you will have numerous benefits.
join the Illuminati brotherhood today and get instant rich sum of U$100,000.00. This intention is to build up your financial status as a new member of the Illuminati elite, this are one out of the numerous benefit that are given to our newly recruited members who join the Illuminati brotherhood.
 note that this message was created solely for the purpose of our recruitment scheme which will end next month and this offer is meant for unique ones only, if you are not serious on joining The Illuminati empire secret society, you are advise not to contact us at all. This is because disloyalty is highly not tolerated here in our organization.
Do you agree to be a member of The Illuminati new world order? If you do, kindly reply us back through this our direct recruitment email only at: [redacted]       
For more instructions on our membership process.
The Illuminati.

Hey, at least they are admitting that they are a cult and running a scheme.  ;D