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  • January 22, 2017, 04:38:28 AM

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Author Topic: Asking for advice about an oddly hard choice  (Read 2053 times)

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EMuir

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Re: Asking for advice about an oddly hard choice
« Reply #30 on: January 13, 2017, 09:14:08 PM »
I'm glad you're taking them. I'm executrix of my recently passed mother's will and I was trying to think of people to give her clothes to.  It would have thrilled her to know that you are wearing the jackets, I'm sure.

MaryR

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Re: Asking for advice about an oddly hard choice
« Reply #31 on: January 13, 2017, 10:49:10 PM »
I am so sorry for everyone's loses. Its hard and sometimes we aren't as rational as we would like to be as we are going through the process.

I did something like this when my father died. I held it together, arraigned for the Patriot Guard to be at the memorial service, was a social butterfly during the service, happily thanking people for coming and sharing a fun memory with every table. I helped Mom pack up Dad's stuff until we got to one of his old remote control joysticks for the planes he loved to make and crash. I thought that it was worth what he paid for it 20 years ago and refused to just donate a hundred dollar controller.

That issue became a hill to die on for 2 days. I didn't want it, but I couldn't allow such a valuable object to just be tossed in the trash.

Grief makes rational people question their judgement at times. Thank you again for helping me work through this.

EMuir, I am so sorry for what you are dealing with right now. Not only did you lose someone you have loved all of your life, now you have to look at pieces of her private life while deciding what to do with it. (I don't care who you are, if you are over 12 years old, mom and dad's underware are private!)

Bijou

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Re: Asking for advice about an oddly hard choice
« Reply #32 on: January 14, 2017, 01:37:06 PM »
My mother-in-law was a wonderful, kind, generous and giving person. If I had asked her for one of her jackets, she would have happily given me one. If I asked her for all of her jackets, she would have given me all of her jackets and thanked me for giving her an excuse to get out and go shopping.

Sadly, she is no longer able to even just lend me a jacket and we are packing up her things to donate to her favorite charity. As it happens, she does have several jackets that I would like to have.

Except I'm not sure if I can take them. She didn't give them to me and she didn't leave them to me. She made no plans for their final disposition so we are going to donate them to charity. I know that I could just take them, but that would feel like stealing and I love and respect her far too much to steal from her.

You folks are the kindest and smartest group of people that I've ever met online, I will gratefully read any advice anyone is willing to offer about my probably very silly emotional dilemma.
Do you feel that you would be taking something from the charity?   It sounds like your husband is the owner and is in favor of you having them.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2017, 01:41:55 PM by Bijou »
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

Bijou

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Re: Asking for advice about an oddly hard choice
« Reply #33 on: January 14, 2017, 01:38:15 PM »
Not an answer but a question.

Will any of your MIL's loved ones be likely to feel distressed if they see you wearing her jackets?

May be best to ask if anyone minds rather than just take them.
Good point.
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

MaryR

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Re: Asking for advice about an oddly hard choice
« Reply #34 on: January 14, 2017, 08:03:51 PM »
Thank you for bringing that point up again, Bijou. I saw it but forgot to address it. MIL was the only sibling from her family left. She has no grandchildren. I can't imagine any of her nieces or nephews being distressed if they were to recognize something of hers on me. If they did happen to notice, they would probably say something kind.

Not to mention that we don't live on the same side of the country as they do, so the chances of someone noticing and being distressed are very small.

I will mention that the cleaning up process had me crying again today. I was going through the guest room closet and found a quilted jacket that I had made for her at least 20 years ago. The colors are faded, the cuffs and collar are frayed and there is a hole in one of the pockets. It was clean and hanging in a garment bag.

Ya'all best believe I'm keeping that puppy.

EMuir

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Re: Asking for advice about an oddly hard choice
« Reply #35 on: January 15, 2017, 08:22:36 AM »

EMuir, I am so sorry for what you are dealing with right now. Not only did you lose someone you have loved all of your life, now you have to look at pieces of her private life while deciding what to do with it. (I don't care who you are, if you are over 12 years old, mom and dad's underware are private!)

Thank you so much.  I am so sorry for your loss as well.

 It has been hard, we were very close and she lived with us to boot.  At least I was able to get vacation time from work so I have been spending it going through her stuff.  I can't imagine working all day and then going through the emotional wringer every evening to boot.