Author Topic: Break-ups in the age of Facebook: Bad update, page 3, Worse update page 5  (Read 19246 times)

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Kendo_Bunny

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I've posted before about my boyfriend, who I love dearly, who is wonderful, and all of that. I've also mentioned about how he struggles with depression. Earlier this month, he told me that he needs to take time from our relationship to focus on just him, and just getting a handle on his life. He told me I was a major impetus in him deciding to seek help, because if he wasn't feeling joy being with "the perfect girlfriend", then obviously something was wrong with him. So, we're on a break - not really broken up forever for sure, but not together right now, though he does want us to spend a lot of time together. I hate being in limbo, but I do want him to get healthy. This happened on February 3.

Today I changed my Facebook relationship status to Single. I had been dreading doing it, because I didn't really want to explain to everyone I know just what's going on. Most of the people who I had wanted to talk about things in-depth with had already been told, but it was causing a knife twist every time I say "in a relationship" and wondering if we really were. I know it's not a big deal to James (my ex, I guess), since he says it's just Facebook, but is there any way to express that while I'm definitely not very happy, I don't really want to talk about it? I don't really want to make a big production over things, but changing a Facebook status is suddenly so meaningful.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2011, 09:14:56 AM by Kendo_Bunny »

Shoo

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2011, 08:42:47 PM »
You could always leave that field blank.  Why put anything there at all?

Ziata

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2011, 08:46:56 PM »
^^ If you change it at all, from 'In a relationship' to anything else, the change will show up on everyone's FB feed.

Shoo

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2011, 08:50:27 PM »
^^ If you change it at all, from 'In a relationship' to anything else, the change will show up on everyone's FB feed.

I think that only applies if you change it to one of the choices.  If you change it to blank, what's it gonna say? 

Ziata

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2011, 08:58:24 PM »
^^ If you change it at all, from 'In a relationship' to anything else, the change will show up on everyone's FB feed.

I think that only applies if you change it to one of the choices.  If you change it to blank, what's it gonna say? 

I'm fairly sure that it will say: Kendo_Bunny is no longer listed as in a relationship. So she'll still be drawing attention to it.

Giggity

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2011, 08:59:14 PM »
Can you change your account settings to not display your rel@tionship status at all?
Words mean things.

Shoo

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2011, 09:01:03 PM »
I decided to use the blank for my birthday, and it didn't say "Shoo no longer has a birthday."  It just stopped showing up on my profile.  No one knew anything about it. 

megswsu

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2011, 09:08:44 PM »
Can't you choose not to publish it to your newsfeed? I know there's that option after you upload pictures. Or at the very least you should be able to go to your profile and delete the "change in status" so while the status is still changed, it's not announced. KWIM?

In any case, sorry you have to deal w/this. FB does make things more murky then they need to be sometimes.





Rosey

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2011, 09:24:43 PM »
I decided to use the blank for my birthday, and it didn't say "Shoo no longer has a birthday."  It just stopped showing up on my profile.  No one knew anything about it. 

Aw, Shoo, wouldn't that just be the saddest update?  ;)

I do think there should be a way to choose whether or not you want to publish the status change. I don't know if there is or not, but that way changing it could be a private thing that doesn't have to be a shout to the world or it could be a publish thing that says, "Notice This: I'm no longer _____(single/taken/married/pretending to have a fling with Edward/etc.)."

Cz. Burrito

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #9 on: February 28, 2011, 09:40:24 PM »
You can delete the notification from your wall, which will make it not show up in your friend's news feeds. You can also set your privacy settings such that nobody except you can see your relationship status.  Then they won't be notified of a change.

Brentwood

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #10 on: February 28, 2011, 09:43:52 PM »
^^ If you change it at all, from 'In a relationship' to anything else, the change will show up on everyone's FB feed.

I think that only applies if you change it to one of the choices.  If you change it to blank, what's it gonna say? 

I'm fairly sure that it will say: Kendo_Bunny is no longer listed as in a relationship. So she'll still be drawing attention to it.

Nope. I altered mine by blanking out the status and nothing showed up on anyone's feeds.

Even so, if Kendo Bunny wants to make sure no one sees it, she can change her privacy settings so that no one can view "relationship status."

Hunter-Gatherer

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #11 on: February 28, 2011, 10:40:28 PM »
There's also "It's complicated" instead of single, which sounds like it might fit here.

Brentwood

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #12 on: February 28, 2011, 10:44:51 PM »
There's also "It's complicated" instead of single, which sounds like it might fit here.


That one will only invite more unwanted questions.

Hunter-Gatherer

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #13 on: February 28, 2011, 11:03:01 PM »
There's also "It's complicated" instead of single, which sounds like it might fit here.


That one will only invite more unwanted questions.

True. 

Yvaine

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #14 on: February 28, 2011, 11:28:27 PM »
You can delete the notification from your wall, which will make it not show up in your friend's news feeds. You can also set your privacy settings such that nobody except you can see your relationship status.  Then they won't be notified of a change.

Yes, this. Right after changing it, go to your Wall and click the X to the right of the update. That will make it not show up on your wall or your friends' feeds. The only way people will see the change is if they're reading their feed rightexactlysmackdab when you post it.