Author Topic: Break-ups in the age of Facebook: Bad update, page 3, Worse update page 5  (Read 19239 times)

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Brentwood

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #15 on: February 28, 2011, 11:31:59 PM »
You can delete the notification from your wall, which will make it not show up in your friend's news feeds. You can also set your privacy settings such that nobody except you can see your relationship status.  Then they won't be notified of a change.

Yes, this. Right after changing it, go to your Wall and click the X to the right of the update. That will make it not show up on your wall or your friends' feeds. The only way people will see the change is if they're reading their feed rightexactlysmackdab when you post it.

It would be simpler to zero out the information, or change her privacy settings BEFORE changing the relationship status. She can set her relationship status to be viewable to herself only, then change it. No need for a hurried scramble to delete an update that might sneak into people's news feeds. (Although I guess this is a moot point, since KB already changed the status.)

Yvaine

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #16 on: February 28, 2011, 11:41:11 PM »
You can delete the notification from your wall, which will make it not show up in your friend's news feeds. You can also set your privacy settings such that nobody except you can see your relationship status.  Then they won't be notified of a change.

Yes, this. Right after changing it, go to your Wall and click the X to the right of the update. That will make it not show up on your wall or your friends' feeds. The only way people will see the change is if they're reading their feed rightexactlysmackdab when you post it.

It would be simpler to zero out the information, or change her privacy settings BEFORE changing the relationship status. She can set her relationship status to be viewable to herself only, then change it. No need for a hurried scramble to delete an update that might sneak into people's news feeds. (Although I guess this is a moot point, since KB already changed the status.)

Oh, that is a good point.

Jolie_kitten

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #17 on: March 01, 2011, 01:55:56 AM »
Can't you choose not to publish it to your newsfeed? I know there's that option after you upload pictures. Or at the very least you should be able to go to your profile and delete the "change in status" so while the status is still changed, it's not announced. KWIM?

In any case, sorry you have to deal w/this. FB does make things more murky then they need to be sometimes.

You can delete it from the newsfeed as soon as it appears.
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Lynn2000

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #18 on: March 01, 2011, 10:40:23 AM »
Maybe this isn't helpful by now, but I'm not sure I would've changed my status at all... It seems like the "break" you're on is so he can work on his depression and get healthier, as opposed to the "on a break" you usually hear about on sitcoms where it's just an excuse for one person to party in Cabo on Spring Break without repercussions. I'm assuming you wouldn't consider yourself "single" as in "datable/available" right now, and neither would he. If, after he got treatment for his issues, you two decided to finally part ways, THEN I would change my status to "single."

What's the point of the Facebook rel@tionship status, after all? Isn't it, on some level, to let people know that you're available, should they be interested in pursuing you? (Sorry, I just saw The Social Network, where the creator of Facebook is inspired to add this feature after someone asks him if a mutual classmate has a boyfriend.) So if your "availability" status hasn't really changed, I don't see why the Facebook one should. And that way you avoid questions from people.

Just a thought, sorry if it's not actually relevant...
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JaiJai

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #19 on: March 04, 2011, 12:51:43 PM »
Actually when I separated from my husband, I changed mine to 'It's Complicated' as I didn't consider myself single. Maybe I was just lucky, but other than a few (((HUG))) comments, no one said (or asked) anything. 'It's Complicated' means exactly that - too complicated to want to explain. Hope you're okay OP.
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bopper

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #20 on: March 07, 2011, 04:31:27 PM »
On the other hand, maybe it is good to say "I'm single" on FB...it is publically telling the world what you think your relationship is and also letting your BF (ex BF?) know that if you are "taking a break" that means you are not in a relationship and you are willing to make that public.

irish1

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #21 on: March 23, 2011, 08:27:27 PM »
^^ If you change it at all, from 'In a relationship' to anything else, the change will show up on everyone's FB feed.

I think that only applies if you change it to one of the choices.  If you change it to blank, what's it gonna say? 

I'm fairly sure that it will say: Kendo_Bunny is no longer listed as in a relationship. So she'll still be drawing attention to it.


It's true! How incredibly nosey and unclassy of Facebook. (snark)

Kendo_Bunny

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #22 on: March 29, 2011, 10:12:36 AM »
Changing it to Single prompted an outpouring of sympathy, but thankfully no real questions. After this last month, there is no way to view myself as anything but single, since James and I had a big fight on March 4th, agreed to give each other space for two weeks to calm down, and then he completely flaked on our meeting/talking over after two weeks, with the very lame excuse that he misplaced his phone. So we've talked once in the last three weeks, for a few minutes, about nothing at all important. Granted, he's been really sick for the last few days, and was really sick when I stopped by his house to get some of my things, but that doesn't excuse outright ignoring me for a week.

I mentioned this to one of our mutual friends, who said that he had always thought that James took me completely for granted, and it seems he's just taking for granted now that he does not have to provide even the slightest bit of effort to keep me around if he decides he wants me back.

Winterlight

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #23 on: March 29, 2011, 11:27:13 AM »
Given this, I'd declare the relationship gone and move on. Sorry things didn't work out.
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P-p-p-penguin

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #24 on: March 29, 2011, 02:31:47 PM »
Kendo_Bunny, I'm sorry, that sucks.

inna.minnit

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #25 on: April 07, 2011, 07:13:59 PM »
This is why I don't put my relationship status on facebook.  My friends know, and those who don't know, don't need to.

Raintree

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #26 on: April 08, 2011, 02:00:30 AM »
This is why I don't put my relationship status on facebook.  My friends know, and those who don't know, don't need to.

Same here. It doesn't need to be there at all.

I've seen too many newsfeed notifications that go from "Suzy is single" to "Suzy is in a relationship" to "Suzy is single" to "It's complicated" in the space of a week. And I barely know this Suzy. I don't want all my relationship woes broadcast for the world to see.

Kendobunny, that really sucks and I hope you can work it out.

Kendo_Bunny

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #27 on: April 09, 2011, 11:20:55 AM »
I have no idea if I can. I'm still trying to get it through my head that after five years, and all of the love and devotion I've poured into him that he would openly ignore me. I've already apologized for what I said and given him plenty of openings to work it out, but he hasn't responded to a single overture I've made. Not 'Can we get together to talk', not even 'I'm going to the local cat rescue in your town, want to come with?' (He loves cats, and is usually delighted to go to the cat rescue with me). I've tried Facebook, IM, and phone, trying to space overtures about a week apart, because I miss him so much it's making me crazy. I can barely fall asleep without pills, I can't bring myself to smile unless I'm doing my fake smile for work, and I'm crying randomly. The last time I tried to call, I told him again that I was sorry for what I said, that I missed him, but I needed to know if we were ever going to speak again, because waiting for him to acknowledge that I exist is too much for me to handle.

Rohanna

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #28 on: April 09, 2011, 01:47:30 PM »
I have no idea if I can. I'm still trying to get it through my head that after five years, and all of the love and devotion I've poured into him that he would openly ignore me. I've already apologized for what I said and given him plenty of openings to work it out, but he hasn't responded to a single overture I've made. Not 'Can we get together to talk', not even 'I'm going to the local cat rescue in your town, want to come with?' (He loves cats, and is usually delighted to go to the cat rescue with me). I've tried Facebook, IM, and phone, trying to space overtures about a week apart, because I miss him so much it's making me crazy. I can barely fall asleep without pills, I can't bring myself to smile unless I'm doing my fake smile for work, and I'm crying randomly. The last time I tried to call, I told him again that I was sorry for what I said, that I missed him, but I needed to know if we were ever going to speak again, because waiting for him to acknowledge that I exist is too much for me to handle.


*hug*

See, the bad thing about a relationship where you do all the pouring of love and devotion, is that eventually if they don't reciprocate you just end up empty. I think as hard as it is, you need to "refill" on the things that make YOU happy and stop worrying about being responsible for his happiness.
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. ~ Jack Layton.

NutMeg

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Re: Break-ups in the age of Facebook
« Reply #29 on: April 09, 2011, 08:03:11 PM »
:( Sending you hugs. Being heartbroken sucks a lot.
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