Break-ups in the age of Facebook: Bad update, page 3, Worse update page 5

[Texas Mom]

I have no idea if I can. I'm still trying to get it through my head that after five years, and all of the love and devotion I've poured into him that he would openly ignore me. I've already apologized for what I said and given him plenty of openings to work it out, but he hasn't responded to a single overture I've made. Not 'Can we get together to talk', not even 'I'm going to the local cat rescue in your town, want to come with?' (He loves cats, and is usually delighted to go to the cat rescue with me). I've tried Facebook, IM, and phone, trying to space overtures about a week apart, because I miss him so much it's making me crazy. I can barely fall asleep without pills, I can't bring myself to smile unless I'm doing my fake smile for work, and I'm crying randomly. The last time I tried to call, I told him again that I was sorry for what I said, that I missed him, but I needed to know if we were ever going to speak again, because waiting for him to acknowledge that I exist is too much for me to handle.

((kendo_bunny))

You've stated your case, told him your feelings and indicated your willingness to work things out.  He's not responding, and your continually contacting him makes you look desperate, needy and pathetic.

Quit contacting him.  Do whatever you have to do to get through this very difficult time.  If you need pills to sleep, take them.  If you have to put on a fake smile at work, do so.  Don't sit home.  See if your friends want to do something and get out and do it, even if you don't feel like it.  Start exercising, even if it's just a walk around the block.

Things will get better.

More ((kendo_bunny))

[inna.minnit]

I missed the part about why you needed to apologise?  I'm sorry for your pain, but remember in your OP you said he is dealing with depression. This probably isn't about you at all.  He's dealing with his own stuff.

[Kendo_Bunny]

We had a fight in March, and I said some pretty awful things to him, which I apologized for.

Also, there's not much I can do with my friends right now. Two of them are finishing their theses, one of them has a new boyfriend and has just lost her job, one of them is in the middle of finals, one of them is only a good friend for hanging out and parties who freaks out if anyone is having a rough time, and my three closest friends all live 130 miles away, and one of them is getting ready for the birth of her second child. So... I'm kind of completely alone right now, which makes me miss him even more.

[Texas Mom]

So... I'm kind of completely alone right now, which makes me miss him even more.

((hugs))

Stay strong!

[Tiamet]

I have no idea if I can. I'm still trying to get it through my head that after five years, and all of the love and devotion I've poured into him that he would openly ignore me. I've already apologized for what I said and given him plenty of openings to work it out, but he hasn't responded to a single overture I've made. Not 'Can we get together to talk', not even 'I'm going to the local cat rescue in your town, want to come with?' (He loves cats, and is usually delighted to go to the cat rescue with me). I've tried Facebook, IM, and phone, trying to space overtures about a week apart, because I miss him so much it's making me crazy. I can barely fall asleep without pills, I can't bring myself to smile unless I'm doing my fake smile for work, and I'm crying randomly. The last time I tried to call, I told him again that I was sorry for what I said, that I missed him, but I needed to know if we were ever going to speak again, because waiting for him to acknowledge that I exist is too much for me to handle.

It seems to me that living in hope is stopping you from moving forward.  I would suggest that you set a fixed period of time in which you will definitely not try to contact him - say a week if you can't manage any longer.  At the end of that time, you should try for another week and so on.  The way he is treating you may be down to an illness rather than malice, but it is still wrong and you are entitled to be treated better than this.  Keep reminding yourself of that.  I'm sorry this has happened.

[Kendo_Bunny]

I just found out through reddit that he's dating another girl.

[MsMarjorie]

Kendo_bunny I'm so sorry, sending you strength and big (((hugs))).

I think it might be wise now to delete his number/email/facebook addresses (I know its easier said than done) and really try to stop yourself from following his life, it will only hurt you further and you don't need that.

[Kendo_Bunny]

He already deleted his Facebook, and I unfortunately have his number memorized. I'll try to forget it, but it's going to be hard... after 5 years and losing my virginity to him.

[Ms_Shell]

Now is the perfect time to find new people to hang out with.  I know you don't feel like it - you probably want to climb into bed and stay there for the next six months (BTDT).  BUT, if there's any way you can force yourself out of the house, I strongly suggest you do so.  Make a promise to yourself to speak to one new person a day, even if it's only "good morning".  Do one new activity per week, even if it's only walking through a park you've never visited.  If he hears through the grapevine that you're happy and having fun, it's going to be a lot better for both of you than if you're crying over him, believe me! 

I hate to be cynical, but one thing I've seen over and over again in my lfe is that if he knows you're still pining over him, he'll come crawling back when it doesn't work out with the new girl.  Everything's fine for a few months and then it happens again, but this time you feel doubly foolish for taking him back (again, BTDT).  Not all guys are like that, but a lot are.  I would hate for you to go through that if you don't have to.       

[Kendo_Bunny]

I work two jobs, and since he's cut me completely out of his life, he seems to have cut out all of our multiple mutual friends. I'm trying to keep myself busy, but I don't have much time or energy for anything outside of work right now... and this is just another crushing blow. He said he wanted to take the time to work on his own issues: his depression, his abandonment issues, etc. Instead, he hooks up with another girl almost immediately, and says on reddit that he broke up with me because of MY issues. I'm not denying that I have issues, as a functional bulimic of over a decade, but he was too cowardly to tell me that in the first place.

[aventurine]

Instead, he hooks up with another girl almost immediately, and says on reddit that he broke up with me because of MY issues. I'm not denying that I have issues, as a functional bulimic of over a decade, but he was too cowardly to tell me that in the first place.

Get it out.  Get all of it out (in PM if you have to).  This sucks horribly and I'm so sorry it's happened to you.  There's no speeding up the process, I'm afraid.  ((((kendo-bunny))))

You did not deserve to be treated this way.

[Nurvingiel]

I don't have any advice, but I do have hugs.


(((((Kendo Bunny)))))

[MightyMouse]

No advice, but I can give you all the hugs you need and a shoulder to cry on.  ((((((((KendoBunny))))))

[Alex the Seal]

He said he wanted to take the time to work on his own issues: his depression, his abandonment issues, etc. Instead, he hooks up with another girl almost immediately

Oh, I'm so sorry. I do know, almost exactly, how that feels.

Huge hugs.

[Stranger]

(((((((kendobunny)))))

It's him, not you.