Break-ups in the age of Facebook: Bad update, page 3, Worse update page 5

[MrsVandy]

Lot's of hugs. I'm sorry your going though this and I know exactly how much this sucks. Believe it or not writing a letter and ripping it up really helps. Getting his stuff out of your house helps more. He was a cad and you dodged a bullet. But karma is a funny thing and it will catch up to him. I don't want to derail the thread, but I had something similar happen to me like 5 years ago and karma got him good, way worse then I could have.
I would just take this time to focus on you and focus on the things you like. Right now its all about you.

[helixa]

I just wanted to suggest that you do write a letter about what he is really like, and I would suggest that you don't actually burn it or rip it up until you can do so with little emotion.
The way he tried to string you along does suggest that he wants to keep you as an option if his current relationship fails - having that sort of letter to remind you of the hurt he has caused could help you stay strong if you're wavering.
He is a jerk and a liar and I wouldn't trust him in the future.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[Sirius]

One thing I did when I was in a similar situation was write in my diary.  I've kept a diary off and on since 1980, and the year I went through something similar I used up three of those blank books.  I found it very therapeutic to write my feelings down in a place that no one else would ever see them, and in reading back over my posts while things were "going well" (or so I thought) I picked up a lot of clues that I had been deluding myself from what I had written.  Now I can't believe I was that stupid, but this is looking at the situation 15+ years after the fact.

{{{{{KendoBunny}}}}}

[Craftymom]

Hugs to you Kendo..

Think about one thing, the reason he put out there that he left because "you" had issues, is his way to try to scramble to make himself look like he was entitled to move on to another girl..it had NOTHING to do with you at all.

Honestly, I know life hurts really badly right now, but in reality you not only dodged a bullet, but a life based on a quicksand foundation.

[chibichan]

Hugs Kendo Bunny !

Being dumped / blind-sided like that truly sucks . You have been betrayed by the one you love and that's the WORST .

But he's shown his true colors . He could have manned up and told you the truth . Instead , he left you believing that things could be worked out , and rustled himself up a new GF while you were waiting for him to come back .

He didn't even have the guts to tell you face to face . You are better off without him , even though you are in too much pain to see it now .

And what do you think he'll do if shiny new GF decides she doesn't want to deal with HIS issues ? He may come running back to good ol' Kendo Bunny , who put up with him for so long . Don't fall for it . He made a choice , didn't have the decency to tell you face to face and if he did it once , he'll probably do it again . Especially if he thinks you'll take him back .

There's a better man out there for you . I know you'll find him . You deserve him . 

[Kendo_Bunny]

Thank you for all the hugs and the sympathy. A mutual friend talked to him a few days ago (and found out that he has a severe concussion), and they've agreed to meet in the next few weeks to exchange our things.

This friend is outraged at the way he's treated me, and told me she honestly did not believe him capable of such cowardice or cruelty, so she was blind-sided too. She has agreed to ask the one thing I think I really need to know: whether he left because he had fallen in love with someone else. I know the truth will hurt, but if it was that he had fallen out of love with me and for someone else, then I can salvage some of the good memories. He will still be a horrible coward for not telling me he didn't love me anymore, but it won't cast such a pall over the last five years. Or if she's just free rebound sex, then it will confirm his immaturity. She has said if he asks about me at all, she's going to say I'm handling it remarkably well, and then unload on him everything she wants to say about the matter. Actually, she said she might unload on him either way, once she has my things. I'm not going to ask her not to, because I want him to know that he has lost friends by his behavior. If he had just been honest, we could've been friends in the future, but instead he had me coming by every week and making him dinner, then cut off all contact with me after promising to meet and talk.

[jaxsue]

Can you change your account settings to not display your rel@tionship status at all?

That's what I did when my divorce was final. I didn't want all my FB friends to get a message about it. 

[Ceiling Fan]

Thank you all for the hugs. As a question, though, what do I do with his stuff?

I had to rent a van to get my ex's crap out (there was furniture involved). He left a note on my door, telling me it was over, and then took off to FL for a few months (the coward).

I finally couldn't stand looking at it another minute, and so one Saturday, I rented a van and with my bro's help, drove it to his place, piled it neatly near his front door (he had roommates, but they weren't home), covered it with a tarp, and drove off feeling so much better.

As I said, I wanted to dump it in the river, but I never regretted doing the right thing and getting it all back to him. (I put the engagement ring inside a vase, I wonder if he ever found it?  )

[Delia DeLyons]

Hi Kendobunny... I hope youre doing well.  I came across this thread as I was searching for something to distract me from the fact that I just changed my own FB relationship status to Single after 5 years with a man I though could do no wrong   I quickly went to remove the notification from my wall, and in the split second since Id changed it, already had one comment by an acquaintence that said only "Why?" grrrr.. I am dreading work, since its a huge place where were both well known and many coworkers are my FB friends... Ohhh hindsight... Anyways, reading your thread, and the excellent words of support & encouragement youve received have reminded me that it only looks/feels so awful from my POV and it will get better.  I really hope things are looking up for you and youre in my thoughts. Best wishes..

[Kendo_Bunny]

Long dead bump, but I figured I should update. I found out yesterday that he definitely cheated on me with at least 3 other girls over the course of our relationship. He told everyone else it was because we were "on a break", and that we had an on-off relationship. I was the only person he never told about the "break".

He swore to me that he had never cheated. I also found out that one of the girls he cheated on me with was his "adopted daughter" - a teenager he had taken off the street when her drug addict mother kicked her out. At the time, I thought it was really noble of him, but she confirmed to me last night that they had slept together before she knew he had a girlfriend of any description.

[Yvaine]

Long dead bump, but I figured I should update. I found out yesterday that he definitely cheated on me with at least 3 other girls over the course of our relationship. He told everyone else it was because we were "on a break", and that we had an on-off relationship. I was the only person he never told about the "break".

He swore to me that he had never cheated. I also found out that one of the girls he cheated on me with was his "adopted daughter" - a teenager he had taken off the street when her drug addict mother kicked her out. At the time, I thought it was really noble of him, but she confirmed to me last night that they had slept together before she knew he had a girlfriend of any description.

Oh, how sleazy. *hugs* because I know it hurts, but you are well rid of this scum.

[Petticoats]

Holy moley, what a despicable person. I'm so sorry he hurt you, but I agree, in the long run you will come to be grateful that you are rid of him and his cheating, lying ways.

[Winterlight]

Wow, what a sleazeball. Poor girl, getting mixed up in this mess. At least you're out and rid of him.

[Wonderflonium]

I actually just said "Ew!" out loud. Hope you are doing well!

[Nora]

I actually just said "Ew!" out loud. Hope you are doing well!

So did I!  EEEEWWWW!!!!