Author Topic: Break-ups in the age of Facebook: Bad update, page 3, Worse update page 5  (Read 19030 times)

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Kendo_Bunny

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I actually just said "Ew!" out loud. Hope you are doing well!

I'm not. I was starting to heal, but this ripped all the wounds open again. I've spent the whole night purging and obsessing over just how much was a lie. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it right now. I can't even take my Prozac, because I'm so nauseous that I'm throwing up water.

Wonderflonium

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Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry.

I know I recommend this book constantly, but I swear it helps. Read It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken. It really does help.

I'd also like to gently suggest that you find a professional to talk to if at all possible. It concerns me that this has got you upset enough to purge, especially because the break-up happened months ago. I don't mean to cross a line, but I'm worried about you.
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Kendo_Bunny

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I am seeing a therapist, and I really was improving. I was going out, doing things, had a few cyberdates with a good friend of mine (both of us are very clear that it's not a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, but that chatting over video and watching movies at the same time is fun). He even went into a rant last night about what a *completely impolite word* my ex must have been, because he (my friend) isn't even my boyfriend and sees how terrific I am. He even said that in different circumstances (we didn't live 800 miles apart), he would want to date me himself, and even though I'm going through all this pain, he's glad that it's let us really reconnect and have fun with each other.

I'm not pinning any hopes on things going somewhere with my friend, since neither of us is in a good emotional place for a real relationship, but it does help to know that there's at least one guy out there that thinks I'm sweet and desirable and would appreciate me. Shawn was always denying that he took me for granted, but he did completely. So much so that he felt entitled to go out and get sex elsewhere, figuring I'd just forgive him if I did find out.

i am le tired

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Something that took me years to learn that I will pass on to you:

Someone who treats you badly doesn't tell you anything about you, or your worth as a person. Your worth as a person is inherent and does not depend on anyone else. All it does is tell you what their worth as a person is.

It took me about a year to truly process the above statement, but once I did, I was able to move on from a lot of stuff. Good luck.

Redsoil

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So sorry to hear of what you're going through.  It's hard to function, let alone mend from a broken relationship when you're screaming inside, and feeling like your stomach is crawling out your throat all the time.

Obviously you're doing what you can to handle things, even if it's pretty tough going at present.  I wonder if it's worth finding something else to try and focus on, to distract you a bit and to help you feel there's stuff you can achieve which makes you feel alive again, and of worth?  It's easy to get caught up in continually re-hashing scenarios, and focussing on negatives, which only drags you dow further.  Self-perpetuating cycle.

What ambitions do you have?  What is somthing you'd love to do?  What sounds like a fun activity that you might not ever try in normal circumstances?  Maybe it's time for some adventure in your life, so that can help you mark a new starting point?  It won't stop the pain, but it may help change your focus.  Can be a useful coping strategy.

When my dad died, after a very painful battle with cancer, I was devestated.  Words can't describe how the pain felt, and I wasn't coping at all.  I ended up making the decision to try and "jerk" myself out of that state by jumping out of a plane.  It was a very conscious decision to create a recovery point for myself - to try and change the way I was feeling.  It did work, though it wasn't a cure-all, by any means.  I think taking control of your own destiny can be a very strong statement to yourself, and that's a good start.

Sending lots of good thoughts your way, and hoping for healing after what you've been through. 
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Daffydilly

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Do you have some old some old pictures, a dart board or some rotting fruit? I'd say it's time to have a good old dart game and try to get a lot of bullseyes in the process. His actions hurt you once and now that you've found out more, he's hurt you all over again. Or just take the pictures, tape them too a board and hack at it with whatever medium you want. It's a small personal outlet for the times something needs to be let out. Or scream therapy in a closet can help.

Nora

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Something that took me years to learn that I will pass on to you:

Someone who treats you badly doesn't tell you anything about you, or your worth as a person. Your worth as a person is inherent and does not depend on anyone else. All it does is tell you what their worth as a person is.

It took me about a year to truly process the above statement, but once I did, I was able to move on from a lot of stuff. Good luck.

This.
Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

aventurine

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I'm not. I was starting to heal, but this ripped all the wounds open again. I've spent the whole night purging and obsessing over just how much was a lie. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it right now. I can't even take my Prozac, because I'm so nauseous that I'm throwing up water.

"Should" and "shouldn't" are concerns for another time, when the utter shock of this revelation have passed.  Sometimes it's whatever gets you through the night, you know?

((((Kendo_Bunny))))  I'm so sorry. 




"A child of five could understand this.  Send someone to fetch a child of five." - Groucho Marx

pierrotlunaire0

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Don't be so hard on yourself.  Finding out that you were lied to is devastating, even if in your heart of hearts you already knew.  Lies are a cancer.

And as for him: EEWWWWW is right.
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NutMeg

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Eww. And eeeeewwwwwwww!

No kidding you've been set back by this. Just remember that you were able to heal before, and you can do it again. You just have more grieving to do now that you didn't know about before. *hugs*
"You're hostages! This is a life-and-death situation here. Start acting like it! We're your captors. We're armed. There's rules. There's a whole school of etiquette to this!" - Dr. Daniel Jackson                

Sebastienne

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I just read the update and--"ew" is a succinct way to put it.

Having been in your shoes, all I can say is that time does help. I remember the nausea and the sleepless nights, the feeling that I was an idiot to not realize what was going on.  Eventually, the nausea subsided, and a while after that, I could sleep again. The self-directed anger turned outward, where it belonged.  But it did take some time.

Remember, this does not reflect negatively on you, at all, in any way. You were not "duped."  You acted like any trusting person in an adult relationship should act. That probably makes it hurt even more right now, but try and let that be a source of strength: it's not your fault, it's not something you deserved, and you're far more awesome than he is. Don't let it affect your self worth.

*Hugs*

Sirius

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I just found this update.  {{{{{KendoBunny}}}}}

We're here for you.

whiterose

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Something that took me years to learn that I will pass on to you:

Someone who treats you badly doesn't tell you anything about you, or your worth as a person. Your worth as a person is inherent and does not depend on anyone else. All it does is tell you what their worth as a person is.

It took me about a year to truly process the above statement, but once I did, I was able to move on from a lot of stuff. Good luck.

I have to remind myself of this every day. Especially when I feel guilty and ungrateful for wanting things like equality and talents in a significant other.

Anyhow, Kendo Bunny, you are WAY better off without him.
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