News: All new forum theme!  See Forum Announcements for more information. 

  • January 31, 2015, 06:55:06 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: What have you learned?  (Read 1629 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

turtleIScream

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 685
Re: What have you learned?
« Reply #30 on: January 24, 2015, 11:35:54 AM »
The principles of the "Ring Theory". For those unfamiliar, it is the idea that in a crisis, you have the person/people at the center of the crisis, and the people around them who are supporting them through the crisis. Support flows inward toward the circle, and venting flows out. So, you don't end up with a widower having to comfort his wife's long-forgotten sorority sister, who is so distraught at the news of her passing. It has come in very handy this week after my BIL crashed his small plane (he survived, and will eventually heal from all his injuries, so yay!). I am exhausted from helping out my sister, but only my husband and close friends know that. Now, is there a way to point my mom to articles about this concept without being rude?

And ditto on the food wrap tabs that hold the roll in place. Although, my store brand plastic wrap box tabs don't work very well.
Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not. - Uncle Iroh

White Dragon

  • Formerly St Monica
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2651
Re: What have you learned?
« Reply #31 on: January 24, 2015, 11:37:15 AM »
I have gotten better at thinking before I speak.
Not *great* at it, mind, but definitely better.  :)

I have broadened my outlook into other's perspectives. I have always tried to look it from the other side, but being here has showed me many, many sides I didn't know existed!

I have learned the power of "No" and have helped pass it on.

If I have made every effort to be polite, respectful and accountable and someone still reacts poorly, then this is not a reflection on me as a person. It does not mean I have failed in my behaviour and I am not responsible for their feelings.

Just because someone drops a hint does not mean I have to pick it up.

I have learned how to better manage passive aggressive behaviour.

Cutting off/reducing contact is not necessarily rude and can be both healthy and freeing.

Sometimes it really is "Not my monkey, not my circus" and I have no obligation to get involved or take it personally.

I have learned that there are people here with whom I almost always disagree, sometimes vehemently.
If they annoy me, I don't have to express it. I can still like and respect them and have meaningful discourse.
If we met in real life, I'm sure our conversations would be very spirited  ;), but we are both capable of being civilized and that's important.
We will never agree on some things, but it doesn't have to get ugly. Everyone has something valuable to offer.

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 14723
Re: What have you learned?
« Reply #32 on: January 24, 2015, 12:23:50 PM »
I learned about the spoon theory.  And since I have a chronic illness, it's great to explain to other people how my life works.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

GreenEyedHawk

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2221
  • Not hot but SPICY
    • My Facebook.  Feel free to add me!
Re: What have you learned?
« Reply #33 on: January 24, 2015, 01:10:46 PM »
I've also gotten into the habit of thinking of eHell whenever anyone asks my advice.  I think, What would Ehell say?

I've learned it's possible to have a spine and be firm without being rude, aggressive or abrasive.

This site has done a lot to smooth down my rough edges.  I don' t doubt I will always have a lot of the bark left on me, but I'm definitely a better person than I was.
"After all this time?"
"Always."

Miss Marple

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 472
Re: What have you learned?
« Reply #34 on: January 24, 2015, 03:55:34 PM »
1. It introduced me to great fiction and non fiction books. Eg The gift of fear

2. JADE. How to say no without over explaining, because over explaining gives them something to latch onto and argue against

3. Polish that spine

4. See other people's point of view

5. Do not pick up the rope

6. Some things are none of your business (even if you can help)

7. Do not offer unasked for opinions and advice (even if it is obvious to you)

8. When you do offer asked for advice and opinions. Do not be surprised or shocked if it is argued with or ignored and accept that

9. Accept that some people will not like you or what you are saying. However the corollary is, if you have bee polite in your words an interactions you can in all conscious know it is not your problem

10. When I have a dilemma or want a recipe there is a universal community of people that will have the answer

11. There are like minded people in many corners of this world that will tell me politely when I have behaved inappropriately. More importantly why and a better way to do it in the future

12. When you need a hug ytou will get it and without being judged

13. Together we are making our corners a better place by leading by example

14. If someone gives you unsolicited feedback do not accept or reject it. Think about it and if it is valis thank them for caring. If it is not valid then ignore

15. Sometimes silence is a good reply

16. Bean dip is fantastic. Bonus, is because I know recognize when I am being bean dipped

17. Ignore hints if I do not want to do something or share information

18., The more I implement the collective wisdom of E-hell into my daily life, the more time I have for my family and friends and the calmer I am

I am really happy to report after meeting up with someone I had not seen since Easter as a kid's birthday party she told me I had changed. Apparently I am far more assertive. E-hell has given me the confidence to ask for what I want and to state my opinion polity. But to have the wisdom to know when to avoid certain conversational topics. Previously I was a people pleaser and wanted everyone to get along and would stress myself out by making it happen

The other thing I will share is last year I was asked by another area to apply for a promotion, which I did. The big boss who interviewed me (who I would not be reporting to) told me I would be on the same salary if I was successful. I replied that I would not be interested, as the job was more responsibility and I was quite happy in my current role. I was told by the person I was reporting to I was successful in getting the job. I then told him what salary I wanted. He said he had to go back to the big boss. They came back to me and I got my pay increase. I would never have done this without what I have learned at  E-Hell and I knew you were all behind me cheering me on.

jpcher

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8814
Re: What have you learned?
« Reply #35 on: January 25, 2015, 06:05:07 PM »
Lots of things, but the ones I've found most useful are small things that help me understand the perspectives of other people better, and perhaps cut them a bit more slack.

This.

I've learned to read every post when I start a thread simply in order to receive a wider perspective of the situation. Especially when the majority of posts are more against my original point of view.

Sure, I can talk to my mother/friends about the situation, but for the most part they answer pro-jpcher. (They like me ;))

Here on e-hell I get a world-wide view. So reading all the posts is very important to me. I've learned to be tolerant of the few obnoxious posts and still be very appreciative of everybody that gave their time and thoughtfulness in order to help me out a bit.

I've learned to bring this thought of wider perspective into real-life. Now I sometimes pause and think a bit before jumping on my first reaction . . . maybe there were extenuating circumstances that caused this (rude) person to act in such a way.


I've learned that, contrary to what my mother tells me, I'm not always right. ;D