Author Topic: Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be  (Read 1409 times)

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demarco

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Re: Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
« Reply #15 on: July 24, 2014, 04:26:31 PM »
Once, a friend and coworker who knew DH and I were moving made an unsolicited offer to let us borrow her truck, an offer we gratefully accepted. Aside from that, I never borrowed another thing in my entire life, as far as I can remember, except the occasional  pen for a few moments. In fact, when I was getting ready for my wedding, I arranged to wear something old, something new, and something blue but I knew I couldn't have anything borrowed because ... well... I don't borrow. 

I used to lend things if asked, mainly because I was afraid to say no. I loaned small amounts of money and books. I seldom saw the money again and almost never saw the books again.

My turning point on lending came several years ago. A man who was in the middle of doing a complicated home repair saw a copy of The Hot Zone lying around and asked if he could borrow it. It set my back up because I felt coerced, given the circumstances, but I let him borrow it. I had a bad feeling about lending the book and, sure enough,  I never saw it again. I could have called his work and complained about it but didn't. That wouldn't have fit in with the shrinking violet personality I had in those days.

A family member asked me for a substantial loan around the same time as the Hot Zone incident. The circumstances of the request bothered me so much that I was able to say no to it. I started growing a spine.

So, now I have rules. I don't lend  money. (If someone important to me really needed it, I could trust them to apply the money toward that need, and I could afford it, I would give it to them but I would not lend it.) I don't lend books or other items unless I don't care about getting them back. Nobody borrows my car. Nobody. I don't care if he or she is fleeing the zombie apocalypse. They aren't getting my car. 


veronaz

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Re: Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
« Reply #16 on: July 24, 2014, 04:43:21 PM »
I rarely lend and almost never borrow.  Works for me.

Sirius

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Re: Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
« Reply #17 on: July 24, 2014, 05:28:59 PM »
When my sister and her family were moving out of their house their internet connection was cut off.  She found that if she sat in the kitchen she could access the neighbor's network, so she went next door and asked permission to use it, even offering to help pay for it for the week they remained in the house.  The neighbors gave her permission and wouldn't accept any money, so she bought them some good chocolate chip cookies and took them over on the day they were finished moving.  That's the way you borrow something like that - ask first.  It's amazing how asking first will pave the way.

veronaz

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Re: Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
« Reply #18 on: July 24, 2014, 05:37:02 PM »
With unsolicited offers to lend something, there are almost always strings.....later. 

tinkytinky

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Re: Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
« Reply #19 on: July 24, 2014, 05:51:32 PM »
DH family is the worst as far as borrowers. I love movies. I can watch them over and over and I have quite a collections of all different genres. When "Cinderella" came out on VHS (dating myself here), young SIL and I both decided to pre-purchase from the Disney store. The movie came with collector's items if you pre-ordered/pre-paid. We pick them up the day the come in and go home. A couple of days later the same SIL and I had been shopping together and I was dropping her off, when we went into the livingroom MIL and younger BIL were watching "Cinderellla". I said something like "Oh, look we got here in time to watch you favorite movie!" to SIL. MIL looks at me and says, "yeah, we went up to your house and got your copy.....SIL's hasn't been opened yet." I was all like  :o and looked pointedly at the plastic wrap from my movie that was sitting in her trashcan next to her.

We live on a farm, and have many farm implements, as well as trucks and trailers to haul them. BIL was harvesting a crop and borrowed our large gooseneck trailer to hold more. While BIL had our trailer, DH had need of a trailer, so BIL said to use his car trailer (much smaller, but did the job). When DH went to return BIL's trailer, BIL asked us to park it on our land until he was done with our trailer. Unknown to us, BIL lent the trailer to another family member, who used the trailer and returned it the same day. When BIL traded the trailers back around, he got home and proceeded to call DH and yell at him because the lights were broke and the license plate was missing. after much discussion, DH paid to relicense the trailer and repaired the lights (They were not broke when DH went to return the trailer). a few months later, the other family member was laughing about finding the license plate and broken plastic from the lights in his ditch. He broke them when he backed into the ditch to unload his car from the trailer.


Yeah, we don't borrow or lend anymore.

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MommyPenguin

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Re: Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
« Reply #20 on: July 24, 2014, 08:30:54 PM »
To me it depends a lot on the item and the relationship.  We've lent money to my parents-in-law.  My FIL, an accountant, drew up a loan agreement, with terms and interest and such-forth, and kept to it.  :)  If we were asked for money by my BIL/SIL, though, we'd probably consider it a gift and not expect it returned, and decide if we'd go for it.

I had a history teacher that I loaned a historical fiction book to, one about WWII.  She never returned it, even when I shyly asked at the end of the year.  I thought she was awesome, but felt just a little resentful every time I looked at my bookshelf where volume 2 sat, because now volume 1 was gone forever.  My mother later told me that she really resented that teacher as well, because she asked for pictures of our ancestors for a history project, and mom gave her a rare picture of my great-grandmother, who immigrated from eastern Europe, and the teacher lost them all.

We have two trailers, one smaller (good for hauling furniture, etc.) and one very large (good for making state-to-state moves, etc.), and he's loaned both to trustworthy friends who returned them in the same condition they were lent out.

With books, I'm terrible at remembering that I even loaned them to begin with, usually.  I had a friend I worked with who borrowed two books and gave them back months and months later, and I was very glad because I'd forgotten that I lent them and would never have known where they were.  I mostly remember the book mentioned previously because it had been volume 1 of a 2-volume set (I eventually got rid of volume 2, as it was useless without volume 1).

My parents and I lend stuff back and forth all the time, anything from DVDs to coolers.  To a certain extent there's just a fluidity of belongings, and we won't always remember who a specific item belongs to, and whoever needs it will just ask for it.  Usually this is fine, but I do sometimes get a bit annoyed when the kids' clothes get mixed up.  See, my mom has clothes for them, so sometimes they'll arrive in clothes from my house, they'll return in clothes from her house, so now a set of my clothes are at her house and a set of hers at mine.  In a recent case, she asked a day before the kids were due to go to her place for a visit if I could send a particular item of clothing with them.  With four small children, there's a constant mountain of laundry to be done, and if the item isn't clean and in a drawer (it isn't), there's no way I can attempt to find it and have it laundered and ready to go by the next day.  For this reason, if I need an article of clothing for something specific (like the 4th of July dresses I bought them), I make sure they don't wear it for over a week beforehand so I can make sure it's laundered and ready.

Lynn2000

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Re: Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
« Reply #21 on: July 24, 2014, 09:24:48 PM »
I also tend to forget when I've loaned stuff out! (I may even have already posted that, and forgotten it.  :P) Another reason for me not to loan things, especially books I haven't read yet. I'm likely to go, "Hmm, that book sounds cool. Have I got it already? Nope. I'm buyin' it!" and then a month later someone's like, "Here's the book you loaned me," and now I have two. Of course I could write it down, but as I tend to get a bit obsessive when given leave to write stuff down, I don't like to invent new things to record.
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shhh its me

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Re: Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
« Reply #22 on: July 24, 2014, 09:49:36 PM »
I also tend to forget when I've loaned stuff out! (I may even have already posted that, and forgotten it.  :P) Another reason for me not to loan things, especially books I haven't read yet. I'm likely to go, "Hmm, that book sounds cool. Have I got it already? Nope. I'm buyin' it!" and then a month later someone's like, "Here's the book you loaned me," and now I have two. Of course I could write it down, but as I tend to get a bit obsessive when given leave to write stuff down, I don't like to invent new things to record.

ummm I have 3 copies of a book I never loaned out , about 30 pages in both times I read it I would realize "hmmm that sounds familiar" then look though all the books and find it.

I wont borrow tools. I know I'm not careful with them. I have a vague recollection of an argument were my BIL was very insistence that I borrow something from him rather then go out and buy one just to use once.   "Why go buy one who can use mine." , "Because I'm going to brake it or get it all yucky or in some other way make a mess of it and you'll be very disappointing at its condition. Then I'm just going to have to go to the store and buy you a new one and it wont be exactly like the one you have . Because, yours was a widget model A1000 and I tried to replace it with widget Model A2100 now with turbo. What I would really appreciate if you would tell me which feature I need to accomplish this(very simple) task and a good model for a beginner or maybe the name of the tool I want?" ,  "You can just borrow mine"

greencat

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Re: Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be
« Reply #23 on: July 24, 2014, 09:56:40 PM »
I'm pretty terrible about remembering to return things, so I try not to borrow them.

I will never loan people anything I can't live without forever.  I'm surprised if they return things.  I had one friend that I went to high school with that was trustworthy enough that I loaned him a spare (I already had one and my college program gave me one) laptop.  He returned it in perfect working condition about six months later when he could afford to buy a new one.