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Author Topic: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117  (Read 33999 times)

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LifeOnPluto

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I read this problem on another forum, and was curious to see what eHellions would make of it.

The OP was attending a Hen's Weekend in a different city. She was one of the organisers, and booked flights, accommodation, etc, for her and the other women (although everyone presumably paid their own way).

However, the OP stated she suffers from separation anxiety, so arranged for her husband and daughter (a young child) to come along too! The husband and daughter travelled with the women on the same flights to and from the destination, and stayed in the same hotel as the women. However, the husband and child stayed in a different room to the OP and her friends, and did not attend the pre-planned Hen's Weekend activities. Whenever the OP was participating in those activities, the husband and daughter would go shopping, or catch up with relatives who also lived in the area. However, the OP visited her husband and daughter at regular intervals during the weekend, in order to appease her anxiety issues.

This was actually not the main question in the original post (it had to do with an airline issue) but a lot of posters picked up on this particular aspect. Many told the OP that she was "clingy" and should see a professional to get over her issues.

What do you all think? Was the OP rude for bringing her family along on the Hen's Weekend? Or was she ok, given the circumstances?

« Last Edit: March 08, 2011, 08:12:19 PM by LifeOnPluto »

Yvaine

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I don't think she was rude. I don't think it's weird to want your husband and child along when you travel, whether you have separation anxiety or not, and she didn't impose them upon the hen events.

CakeBeret

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I guess for me it depends on how it affected the others.

If they had periods of "sit around, relax, do whatever you want" and she visited them during that time, I don't see a problem with that. But if the other ladies wanted to do drinks/go to a museum/tour the city and she refused to participate, then I would say that that's rude.
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jimithing

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Hmmm, this is tough. I don't think that seeing a professional is really a bad idea. I have anxiety issues that are more mild than this, and I've seen a therapist. Probably can't hurt.

I think I would be annoyed if her constant visits and checking in on her family made us late for things or interfered with our plans. But it also sounds like she had some decent boundaries and didn't stay with them or invite them to activities.

I also would have preferred to have this information, as a friend, beforehand, so I could have made a determination about if I wanted to go on the trip or not.

Sharnita

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If the husband and DD made the others feel uncomfortable or like they couldn't do or talk in they way they would otherwise then I thikn it is rude.  I think homestly she could have organize but stayed home, let somebody else organize and again stay home, travel on another flight wiht her family and meet the other ladies there...

I do think that her quality of life might improve with therapy, though I guess that is true of many of us.

Skoffin

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As long as these extra people didn't attend the scheduled 'hen's events' then I see no problem. The writer had obligations to those events, however those obligations do not extend to all her other free time.
It'd be ridiculous to expect someones *entire* weekend be dedicated to something/someone else.

I see it as being the same as a guest attending a destination wedding. The bridal party could expect those guests to attend the wedding, but cannot expect the guests to do nothing else other than the wedding.

auntmeegs

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I guess its not technically rude if the other girls were not affected by the presence of the husband and child, but I have to agree with the posters on the other forum that this person might have some issues that could use the help of a professional and I also wonder what she did before the husband and child were part of her life.  

jimithing

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I think it could potentially be a bait and switch scenario. If I were planning a girl's weekend and then discovered that a friend decided to bring her husband and daughter along, and not say anything, I wouldn't be too pleased. I think you need to clearly state the dynamics of the weekend.

Especially because it has potential to interfere with the stated plans. Like I said, it sounds like she wasn't bringing her family along everywhere, which I would say is definitely rude, but if we had something specific planned, and my friend decided she needed some family time, I wouldn't be very pleased. It sort of defeats the purpose of going on a girl's trip with all your friends.

Fluffy Cat

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I don't think she was rude. I don't think it's weird to want your husband and child along when you travel, whether you have separation anxiety or not, and she didn't impose them upon the hen events.

I wanted to agree, I actually wrote two sentences agreeing with this before I deleted them.  But, I don't think this was really fair to everyone else given the construct of the trip.  I'm speaking as someone who would have to decline such an event because I wouldn't want to spend an entire trip without DH and while I do not have an anxiety disorder per se, I am incredibly shy and am uncomfortable without DH for long periods.  I would have argued that it would be okay if she had told everyone beforehand (maybe she did) and everyone had the same option.  If that had happened however, it probably would have become an entirely different event (with people like me bringing DH, and others not).  It would no longer be a Hen's trip.  I don't think that is right in this case.

I do feel for the woman in the OP, but I think that for this specific event she should have organised but not participated, or completely not have been involved.  :-\
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jimithing

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I guess its not technically rude if the other girls were not affected by the presence of the husband and child, but I have to agree with the posters on the other forum that this person might have some issues that could use the help of a professional and I also wonder what she did before the husband and child were part of her life.  

I can answer this a bit. My anxiety issues did not arise until I had been married for several years. I developed a strong fear of something happening to my husband,  as well as claustrophobia and a fear of flying. All issues I didn't have before I met him. When I would tell my single girlfriends, they said the same thing. "You didn't have this issue before. Why does it matter?" I wish I could have just wished it away and explain it, but anxiety isn't logical. Period.

The first time I flew without my husband, I was freaking out. I did it, but it wasn't easy. Which is why I sought out therapy, because I didn't want to live like that. I'm much, much better now, but it sometimes creeps up. So, I do have some sympathy for her.

Lisbeth

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I don't think it's rude to bring one's family as long as their presence doesn't interfere with existing plans.  It would have been rude of her to bring them to the pre-planned "Hen's" activities, but if she wanted some time with her family while everyone else goes on an improv "girls'" excursion or does something that's supposed to be just the "girls" (again, improv), I think she's entitled to do that.
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LeveeWoman

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I read this problem on another forum, and was curious to see what eHellions would make of it.

The OP was attending a Hen's Weekend in a different city. She was one of the organisers, and booked flights, accommodation, etc, for her and the other women (although everyone presumably paid their own way).

However, the OP stated she suffers from separation anxiety, so arranged for her husband and daughter (a young child) to come along too! The husband and daughter travelled with the women on the same flights to and from the destination, and stayed in the same hotel as the women. However, the husband and child stayed in a different room to the OP and her friends, and did not attend the pre-planned Hen's Weekend activities. Whenever the OP was participating in those activities, the husband and daughter would go shopping, or catch up with relatives who also lived in the area. However, the OP visited her husband and daughter at regular intervals during the weekend, in order to appease her anxiety issues.

This was actually not the main question in the original post (it had to do with an airline issue) but a lot of posters picked up on this particular aspect. Many told the OP that she was "clingy" and should see a professional to get over her issues.

What do you all think? Was the OP rude for bringing her family along on the Hen's Weekend? Or was she ok, given the circumstances?



Her accomodations were no one else's business if they did not interfere with her duties as a hostess.

JoyinVirginia

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It seems strange, esp if none of the other women brought husbands and kids.  I thought the entire point of a trip like this is to leave the family at home. If they had family in the area, I can see the husband and kid coming along to visit other family. If no other participant was told they could bring husbands and kids, I could see this being irritating for others who might want to do the same.

TaylorMade

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In my opinion as long as she informed all the other attendees of her plans, then she wasn't rude.   If she just sprung it upon the other attendees at the airport, then I think she was rude.

ipsedixit

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I think it could potentially be a bait and switch scenario. If I were planning a girl's weekend and then discovered that a friend decided to bring her husband and daughter along, and not say anything, I wouldn't be too pleased. I think you need to clearly state the dynamics of the weekend.

Especially because it has potential to interfere with the stated plans. Like I said, it sounds like she wasn't bringing her family along everywhere, which I would say is definitely rude, but if we had something specific planned, and my friend decided she needed some family time, I wouldn't be very pleased. It sort of defeats the purpose of going on a girl's trip with all your friends.

I agree.  It kind of defeats the purpose of a girl's weekend to bring along your family.  

I think if you have anxiety issues the onus is on you to know your limits.  If you cannot possibly attend a girl's weekend without your family, you should decline and/or choose another to organize.  Or perhaps only go one night or even just during the day so long as it's made clear to those organizing ahead of time.  But I think inviting others along in this type of situation is OTT.  

Plus, if the others didn't know ahead of time, I can see some people getting annoyed by the fact that they couldn't bring their family along as well.  Which, if everyone invited their family, why even have a girls weekend?  


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