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Author Topic: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117  (Read 34001 times)

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miranova

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Re: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117
« Reply #420 on: March 10, 2011, 03:15:31 PM »
There shouldn't be downtime with the guys b/c they shouldn't be there in the first place.  . 

Exactly.  If people take "girls weekend" for what it actually means, no expectations need to be clarified.  Girls means girls.

MariaE

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Re: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117
« Reply #421 on: March 10, 2011, 03:21:49 PM »
I think the disconnect comes in that some of us don't view "guys happening to be in the same town" (and 'happening' can be both on purpose or not) as "guys intruding on a girls weekend". I completely agree that the latter would be rude, but the former? Not so much.

A hypothetical example - the hostess' husband and baby travelled on another plane and stayed in rooms at the hotel far enough away from the hen party that they never discovered they were there. The hostess only visited them in true 'down-town', so the other girls never even knew that they were there. Putting aside for the moment that some people might find that deceitful (because that's not what I want to get at), would you still find it rude?
 
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bah12

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Re: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117
« Reply #422 on: March 10, 2011, 03:23:09 PM »
Not really.  You said no downtime with the guys.  There shouldn't be downtime with the guys b/c they shouldn't be there in the first place.  I thought you meant no downtime period.  Everyone needs that. 

Yes, it was clearly stated and turned into quite the argument.

I'm confused.  I did say no downtime with the guys.  That means that they're agreeing that the guys will not be there for their individual down times....I really don't understand where the disconnect is. 

SingActDance

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Re: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117
« Reply #423 on: March 10, 2011, 03:25:41 PM »
I think the disconnect comes in that some of us don't view "guys happening to be in the same town" (and 'happening' can be both on purpose or not) as "guys intruding on a girls weekend". I completely agree that the latter would be rude, but the former? Not so much.

A hypothetical example - the hostess' husband and baby travelled on another plane and stayed in rooms at the hotel far enough away from the hen party that they never discovered they were there. The hostess only visited them in true 'down-town', so the other girls never even knew that they were there. Putting aside for the moment that some people might find that deceitful (because that's not what I want to get at), would you still find it rude?

I would find it deceitful, but we're putting that aside. I have stated that the crux for me is that they traveled to the destination with the girls. If I never know they are there, I might say no harm no foul. Again, they didn't "happen to be in the same town" (I still don't see how this keeps getting put out there, like it was an accident and not planned), they were brought along on the trip.
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Eisa

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Re: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117
« Reply #424 on: March 10, 2011, 03:32:49 PM »
I think that mainly, I just agree with bah. Apparently, communications have to be very clear and you have to know your friends pretty well to know what the "girls' weekend" will be like. I've never actually been on one before--I've gone to chorus competitions and barbershop singing camp, which have a very different vibe going on. Actually, with the competition thing, we were never supposed to just go off alone and the expectation [particularly if you were younger, which I found annoying--I might have been 20 at the time, but 20 is still an adult] was that you weren't supposed to "be alone." And that always drove me bonkers. I like being alone and having alone time. The only person that I could go be around 24/7 is my bf...and I already know darn well that he could not spend that much time around anyone, even if it is me! ;)

I would not find that example rude, MariaE. But I also didn't find the original example rude, so I'm not sure I'm the best person to answer that. :P I guess my own personal expectations are that I don't care if someone needs to bring someone else along--although I do think it would be much more courteous if she did inform the others ahead of the fact. But we don't know whether she did or didn't, so...
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miranova

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Re: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117
« Reply #425 on: March 10, 2011, 03:33:30 PM »
" (and 'happening' can be both on purpose or not)

No, it can't.  That's not what "happening" means.  It means not planned.

Rosey

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Re: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117
« Reply #426 on: March 10, 2011, 06:27:51 PM »
Surianne, I don't know why my post offended you or how that was ganging up. I was genuinely trying to offer you another perspective on Bibliophile's intent and what you could do with the old post she brought up. I did not say anything that suggested otherwise.

I don't see how Bibliophile did anything wrong.

Surianne, couldn't you just explain why you changed your mind? It's certainly okay to change your mind, and you mentioned an experience earlier in this thread that helped shape the opinion you have now. If anything, I think you could have made a better argument by showing how that particular experience made you look at this differently.

I completely agree. 

Me three.

I am not going to reread the previous thread to try to remember why I said something in 2009.  I am not going to justify my current opinion.  I have been nothing but polite in this thread and was previously really enjoying what I thought was an interesting debate. 

You are free to think whatever you want of me.  I don't care how many posters gang up on me.  There is absolutely nothing polite I can say in response to this; I am shocked and furious. 

No one is ganging up on you.  Rosey's post was a completely valid suggestion very politely presented.   

I'm reposting this to illustrate what I'm saying here. I did not have a problem with your post there or here. I asked you if you'd care to elaborate on what made you change your mind. I think that would have been a new and productive (for everyone) contribution to the debate. I would find it really interesting to see how someone who shared my opinion has changed their mind as a direct result of an experience. If you are offended, I don't think any of us (me, Bibliophile, etc.) can change that.

Giggity

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Re: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117
« Reply #427 on: March 10, 2011, 06:30:53 PM »
" (and 'happening' can be both on purpose or not)

No, it can't.  That's not what "happening" means.  It means not planned.



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Yvaine

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Re: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117
« Reply #428 on: March 10, 2011, 06:38:41 PM »
I am going to say rude because the family being there changes the feel of the weekend even if they are not at the activities.

I had something similar happen on a girls reunion trip. This happened several years ago, before cellphones were common.

A group of us, friends from college and had all married and had young children, had been keeping in touch. We decided to have a girls' 3 day weekend in Chicago due to being cheap for all of us to fly into with lots to do without a car.

One member volunteered to organize it. She was in charge of lining up the hotel and scheduling activities (we were all on our own to get there). She told us that she had a large suite downtown and a lot of activities lined up along with some free time so we could relax at the hotel or go shopping and she would give us the itinerary when we arrived at the hotel.

When we all arrived at the hotel we discovered that her family was also at the hotel, she was the only one with family there. She assured us she would be at everything and that we would not know they were there.

Then we saw the itinerary of activities, there were large blocks every day that she had nothing planned (think one activity an hour or less in the morning and the same in the early afternoon) with dinner every night was way too early (think 5pm) and then something in the evenings between 9:30-11pm, not what any of the rest of us thought as lots of activities planned. She told us that she had carefully planned it so she could be with her family and us without missing anything with either group. She told us we could hang at the hotel, go shopping or whatever during the unscheduled time.

While she was at the scheduled activities and did sleep in the room us, she got very antsy if we were running late because she had plans with her family and upset about most us wanting to be up most of the night talking and playing games, even though we did have the bedroom dark and quiet for those who wanted to sleep (one mom was pregnant and did go to sleep earlier).

The rest of us did some things together without her (the main impromptu to event I remember was getting free passes to the observation deck of the Hancock tower). While we did try to let her know about the impromptu outings she was busy. Afterwards she got mad at us because we were excluding her while she was with her family instead of just hanging at the hotel or going shopping (yes, we did these too).

The rest of us felt that with her family at the hotel that we were being chaperoned even though the family was not with us for anything we still knew they were there nearby, so we couldn't really leave our regular life and responsibilities at the door for the weekend.

Thanks for posting--it's a really useful perspective. It gives a good idea of how someone might do this, and do it badly, while thinking she was successfully having "a trip with the girls." I could see the woman in your example making the exact post that started this thread--and if this is how the poster actually behaved, then she was rude.


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