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Author Topic: Rude to bring family on Girls/Guys Weekend... update post 117  (Read 34002 times)

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Bethczar

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I've been to three destination bachelorettes, including my own.  New Orleans, Kansas City, and San Fransisco.  We spent every minute together for all three of them, including all staying in the same room. I'm not sure destination bachelorettes are a great fit for people who like lots of "down time".  IME they tend to only be a couple days long and very focused.  Not we will hang around from 12-2, catch dinner, and then maybe go to a bar.  More like "wake up, gossip, go to breakfast, shop, go to lunch, happy hour, get ready for dinner, dinner, bars".  

I have been on two destination bachelorette parties, on a several friends vacations, on several trips with boyfriends, and on family vacations.  The expectation, my whole life, on all trips, has always been: we are on vacation together.  Sometimes larger groups split into smaller groups, but no one goes off alone with people not part of the group and no one goes off even alone-alone for more then say a cumulative 2-3 hours for the whole trip.

Whereas DH and I spent an entire day (8-10 hours) apart on our honeymoon. It was 1 day out of a week, no big deal. I think you just have to make sure you know what the expectations are. In the original situation, I think that it's quite strange, but she handled it as well as she could. To be fair, I've never gone on a "hen weekend" before, though

bah12

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I think though, there is a HUGE difference between saying "I'm peopled out right now and need some alone time, you all have fun I'm going to do [whatever] on my own" and saying "I'm done spending time with you all and am now going to spend time with someone else who I'd rather be with." 

But being with her husband and young child IS her "alone" time - pretty much. For an introvert, needing time away from a group of friends is about resting and refilling her resources.

Yes, exactly.  I really, really wish that extroverts could understand this.  It would make my life so much easier!

I for one sense a disconnect between "I can't handle any more people" and "so I have to spend time with my husband." I mean, he's a person, right?

It really isn't the same...and even though I am mostly an extrovert, I do get tired of being with the same people all the time.  My husband does not count though.  It's hard to explain, but there's a comfort there that is beyond that of even my best friend (who I've known much longer).

Also, I don't think it's fair for those that say that the woman in the OP should not have planned the trip.  I don't know all the details of why she organized the trip, but if it was a bachelorette type party, then she wasn't planning it or throwing it for her.  It was for the bride.

I think that it's a bit unfair to say to the bride and bridal party that she won't have anything to do with the party if they have to travel, when there's another option out there that makes everyone happy.  And I think the woman picked the best option for everyone.    And I think it's just as important for someone to disclose that they expect 100% of her time on a trip as it would be for her to say that she can't commit to that.  I honestly find the whole attached at the hip thing to be weird.  I couldn't go on a trip with somoene that required that of me...or even required that if I spent time without them, then it has to be completely alone.  That's unreasonable and even a bit clingy.

auntmeegs

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I dunno. To me there is something different between,
“Hey, I really need my alone time so I am going to do x if that will work” and
“Hey, I have this really rare and un-provable social disorder so I am going to plan the whole trip in order to get my way.”
It’s just sounds a little dodgy, to steal a word from our European friends. Maybe it didn’t go down that way, maybe I am assuming much; but that is how it sounded to me and I would have been a bit put off. Not just in the change in dynamic; but in the lame-sounding excuses for it. I’ve got anxiety issues myself, so don’t think I am just brushing them off – I just wouldn’t try to use them the way it sounds like the woman in the OP did.





Agreed.

I don't think this kind of activity is one that the OP of the original issue should have planned, I find girl weekends like these to include most time together.

If someone needed some chill time alone I would understand.... but if they needed time with their DH and kid I would feel a bit odd and annoyed...like what is it about me that makes the person need to spend time instead with others?

To me there is a huge huge difference between alone and with DH and kid. The 2nd is not alone at all.

I would think she should not have come.

POD.  And someone with that level of codependancy really needs to be in therapy. 

Bibliophile

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I think though, there is a HUGE difference between saying "I'm peopled out right now and need some alone time, you all have fun I'm going to do [whatever] on my own" and saying "I'm done spending time with you all and am now going to spend time with someone else who I'd rather be with." 

But being with her husband and young child IS her "alone" time - pretty much. For an introvert, needing time away from a group of friends is about resting and refilling her resources.

Yes, exactly.  I really, really wish that extroverts could understand this.  It would make my life so much easier!

I for one sense a disconnect between "I can't handle any more people" and "so I have to spend time with my husband." I mean, he's a person, right?

It really isn't the same...and even though I am mostly an extrovert, I do get tired of being with the same people all the time.  My husband does not count though.  It's hard to explain, but there's a comfort there that is beyond that of even my best friend (who I've known much longer).  I do think it's quite fair to say that someone else should've planned the trip ...

Also, I don't think it's fair for those that say that the woman in the OP should not have planned the trip.  I don't know all the details of why she organized the trip, but if it was a bachelorette type party, then she wasn't planning it or throwing it for her.  It was for the bride.

I think that it's a bit unfair to say to the bride and bridal party that she won't have anything to do with the party if they have to travel, when there's another option out there that makes everyone happy.  And I think the woman picked the best option for everyone.    And I think it's just as important for someone to disclose that they expect 100% of her time on a trip as it would be for her to say that she can't commit to that.  I honestly find the whole attached at the hip thing to be weird.  I couldn't go on a trip with somoene that required that of me...or even required that if I spent time without them, then it has to be completely alone.  That's unreasonable and even a bit clingy.

If you're going to plan a girls' weekend, the "rules" should be the same for everyone.  I'm an introvert - I'd rather spend time with DH more than anyone else, but I wasn't born attached at the hip to the man.  I can phone him if I miss him. 

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.” ~ Groucho Marx

Twik

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I understand entirely why people need down time. I need a lot of it myself.

I have to admit, though, that I would assume that a hen party is held for the purpose of being together as much as possible. Whereas a normal trip with friends would not require everyone to do an impression of "Girls on a Chain Gang". It's the difference between "let's go to Chicago to be together" versus "let's get together and go see Chicago".

Which is why I think the trip was poorly planned to begin with. Two or more days of non-stop bonding may be heavenly for some, and like nails on a blackboard to others. A one-night party would be less strain on everyone. I can put up with people much better for a matter of hours than of days.

I suspect the organizer had a vision in her head of what the hen party *should* be, without considering if it was a good fit for her (unless she was pressured into it).
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

WillyNilly

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"Extrovert"
"Clingy"
"Attached at the hip"

These phrases are being repeated throughout this thread against people who think the [clingy] [attached to her husband's hip] woman was out of line.  Its not always about labels.

Yeah if I go on a girl's weekend I expect to spend my time, pretty much just about the whole time, with my friends.  Its not because I'm an extrovert.  Its not that I'm clingy.  Nor do I feel attached to the hip of my friends.

Its that I live alone.  Every morning I wake up alone.  I eat breakfast alone.  I go to work, then come home to an empty home.  I made dinner for one.  I watch TV alone.  I clean up my own messes, by myself.  I pay my own bills, by myself.  I do all my own home repairs and my decor was decided solely by me with no other input.  I grocery shop by myself, for one.  When I'm sick, I have to drag my own self up out of bed to get a glass of water.  I spend Christmas morning all by myself until its time to go to whatever family event I'm invited to. I have to do all the chores myself.  I do all sorts of stuff, alone, by myself.

I get PLENTY of alone time.  My life, despite having friends, and a relationship, and a close family oozes with alone time.

So when I'm spending a few hundred bucks, to travel somewhere new and fun and exciting, with people I enjoy spending time with, I want to not be alone.  I can be alone at home for free.  Its not about having a label put on me that I'm an extrovert, or clingy.  Its about a vacation being a departure from the norm.

... and to that end, I think if a person spends oodles of time with a spouse (living together, waking up together, having household responsibilities together, etc, etc, etc), then yeah I expect them to use a girl's weekend away as time to break apart from their spouse (their norm) for 2 days.  I mean sure send a text, make a phone call, but inviting them along?  That's extreme IMO.

bah12

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I think though, there is a HUGE difference between saying "I'm peopled out right now and need some alone time, you all have fun I'm going to do [whatever] on my own" and saying "I'm done spending time with you all and am now going to spend time with someone else who I'd rather be with." 

But being with her husband and young child IS her "alone" time - pretty much. For an introvert, needing time away from a group of friends is about resting and refilling her resources.

Yes, exactly.  I really, really wish that extroverts could understand this.  It would make my life so much easier!

I for one sense a disconnect between "I can't handle any more people" and "so I have to spend time with my husband." I mean, he's a person, right?

It really isn't the same...and even though I am mostly an extrovert, I do get tired of being with the same people all the time.  My husband does not count though.  It's hard to explain, but there's a comfort there that is beyond that of even my best friend (who I've known much longer).  I do think it's quite fair to say that someone else should've planned the trip ...

Also, I don't think it's fair for those that say that the woman in the OP should not have planned the trip.  I don't know all the details of why she organized the trip, but if it was a bachelorette type party, then she wasn't planning it or throwing it for her.  It was for the bride.

I think that it's a bit unfair to say to the bride and bridal party that she won't have anything to do with the party if they have to travel, when there's another option out there that makes everyone happy.  And I think the woman picked the best option for everyone.    And I think it's just as important for someone to disclose that they expect 100% of her time on a trip as it would be for her to say that she can't commit to that.  I honestly find the whole attached at the hip thing to be weird.  I couldn't go on a trip with somoene that required that of me...or even required that if I spent time without them, then it has to be completely alone.  That's unreasonable and even a bit clingy.

If you're going to plan a girls' weekend, the "rules" should be the same for everyone.  I'm an introvert - I'd rather spend time with DH more than anyone else, but I wasn't born attached at the hip to the man.  I can phone him if I miss him. 

What are the "rules?"  I think that's what we disagree on.  When I have had girl trips in the past, there was never an expectation of spending 100% of our time together.  I would not go with people who expected that of me.

Unless I missed it, in the case of the OP, this woman spent most of her time with the girls.  She did all the events, she stayed with them in the hotel, etc.  Her husband and child just happened to be there and she was able to steel away a few moments to see them.  What's the difference between calling them everyday (or a few times a day) and running up to a hotel room to actually see them?

The arguments that I most disagree with is that the woman in the OP needed to be 100% available for any impromptu thing that the rest of the group wanted to do.  I think that's wrong.  I would fault her for skipping out on schedule events, but if someone wanted to change the nature of the trip and schedule something totally different, then I don't think anyone is required to go along with it.  Impromptu things are great fun, but if someone doesn't want to do it, never made a commitment to do it, then it is not rude for them to say "no".  It's also not rude for the rest of the group to do the impromptu event.

Someone used an example where the group was able to remain flexible when the bar they went to was too crowded.  I think that it's great the flexibility was there and they all had a good time.  But, if someone committed to going to that specific bar and it worked for them to do it for whatever the reason, then it wouldn't have been rude for them to opt out at that point, regardless of why or what they were doing instead.  It would be rude to tell that person that the have to go.

I really think that the anxiety thing and the DH is a red herring in this thread.  The real question, for me, is "is it rude to do something else while on a vacation with a group?"  And my answer would be "as long as you do what you committed to doing, then no".  And I would feel like someone trapped me if I went on a trip (even a hen trip) and then told me that I have to be with them 100% of the time and can never get away to do something else.  One or two hours a day (or even one whole day depending on the length of the trip) is not too much "away" time, IMO.

Surianne

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Bah12 posted while I was typing, so mine might be redundant, because I agree with everything she said.

"Extrovert"
"Clingy"
"Attached at the hip"

These phrases are being repeated throughout this thread against people who think the [clingy] [attached to her husband's hip] woman was out of line.  Its not always about labels.

Yeah if I go on a girl's weekend I expect to spend my time, pretty much just about the whole time, with my friends.  Its not because I'm an extrovert.  Its not that I'm clingy.  Nor do I feel attached to the hip of my friends.

Its that I live alone.  Every morning I wake up alone.  I eat breakfast alone.  I go to work, then come home to an empty home.  I made dinner for one.  I watch TV alone.  I clean up my own messes, by myself.  I pay my own bills, by myself.  I do all my own home repairs and my decor was decided solely by me with no other input.  I grocery shop by myself, for one.  When I'm sick, I have to drag my own self up out of bed to get a glass of water.  I spend Christmas morning all by myself until its time to go to whatever family event I'm invited to. I have to do all the chores myself.  I do all sorts of stuff, alone, by myself.

I get PLENTY of alone time.  My life, despite having friends, and a relationship, and a close family oozes with alone time.

So when I'm spending a few hundred bucks, to travel somewhere new and fun and exciting, with people I enjoy spending time with, I want to not be alone.  I can be alone at home for free.  Its not about having a label put on me that I'm an extrovert, or clingy.  Its about a vacation being a departure from the norm.

... and to that end, I think if a person spends oodles of time with a spouse (living together, waking up together, having household responsibilities together, etc, etc, etc), then yeah I expect them to use a girl's weekend away as time to break apart from their spouse (their norm) for 2 days.  I mean sure send a text, make a phone call, but inviting them along?  That's extreme IMO.

What some of us are saying is that that's simply not the default for everyone.  So to go on a trip without making your expectations clear doesn't guarantee you'll get what you want.  And it doesn't mean the person who interpreted the purpose of the trip differently is the one who is wrong or rude.  The other person is spending the few hundred bucks, too -- they're not an accessory for your trip.  

Like you, I live alone.  However for me, I do it because I love it.  I'm used to it, and this means that there's no way I could spend a weekend 100% with a group of friends.  Before my disastrous experience last summer, I had no idea anyone would ever expect it from me and I had no idea that their happiness during the trip would depend on constantly being in my presence.  

In the case of the woman in the OP who has serious anxiety issues, I think she did the best she could and came up with a compromise that, before reading this thread, I would have assumed would be reasonable and pleased everyone.  I imagine the poor lady was really caught off guard if her friends were angry with her, the same way I was on my own trip.  

I don't think it's fair to have such stringent expectations of someone without making that clear in advance.


rashea

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What's the difference between calling them everyday (or a few times a day) and running up to a hotel room to actually see them?


Well, the big one is the chance to run into them in the hotel corridor while I'm all dolled up and ready to go out for a night on the town with the girls. One of the advantages of going away for something like this is that where you're going no one will recognize you and so you can let your hair down a bit more than you might in your home town where tongues will wag the next day. Knowing that my friend's hubby was just around the corner might change that for me regardless of anything else.

Plus, it's easier to get someone who is having a quick chat to agree to a change in plans than it is to get someone who has left the room.

I'm still stuck on why she planned this type of party. I'm disabled, when I planned for my sister's parties I planned around that. I planned an event (hey, if I'm planning it it can cater to me a bit) that was a blast for her, and let me enjoy it and still have the energy to get out of bed the next week.
"Manners change, principles don't. It's about treating people with consideration, respect and honesty." Peter Post

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bah12

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"Extrovert"
"Clingy"
"Attached at the hip"

These phrases are being repeated throughout this thread against people who think the [clingy] [attached to her husband's hip] woman was out of line.  Its not always about labels.

Yeah if I go on a girl's weekend I expect to spend my time, pretty much just about the whole time, with my friends.  Its not because I'm an extrovert.  Its not that I'm clingy.  Nor do I feel attached to the hip of my friends.

Its that I live alone.  Every morning I wake up alone.  I eat breakfast alone.  I go to work, then come home to an empty home.  I made dinner for one.  I watch TV alone.  I clean up my own messes, by myself.  I pay my own bills, by myself.  I do all my own home repairs and my decor was decided solely by me with no other input.  I grocery shop by myself, for one.  When I'm sick, I have to drag my own self up out of bed to get a glass of water.  I spend Christmas morning all by myself until its time to go to whatever family event I'm invited to. I have to do all the chores myself.  I do all sorts of stuff, alone, by myself.

I get PLENTY of alone time.  My life, despite having friends, and a relationship, and a close family oozes with alone time.

So when I'm spending a few hundred bucks, to travel somewhere new and fun and exciting, with people I enjoy spending time with, I want to not be alone.  I can be alone at home for free.  Its not about having a label put on me that I'm an extrovert, or clingy.  Its about a vacation being a departure from the norm.

... and to that end, I think if a person spends oodles of time with a spouse (living together, waking up together, having household responsibilities together, etc, etc, etc), then yeah I expect them to use a girl's weekend away as time to break apart from their spouse (their norm) for 2 days.  I mean sure send a text, make a phone call, but inviting them along?  That's extreme IMO.

I see how this works for you.  Those are your expectations...but your need to not ever be alone while on a vacation with friends, is not universal.  And it's not more important than someone else's need to not spend 100% of their time with you.  I am with my husband and daughter most of the time.  I see them everyday.  Spend weekends with them.  Make decisions with them (or at least with them in mind).  I can definitely handle being away from them (despite missing them).  But that doesn't mean that I need a vacation from them the same way that you need a vacation from being alone.  Some people might...I don't.  And while I need to not be with a friend 100% of the time when on vacation (it would literally drive me insane), the same doesn't apply for my husband and daughter.  I can spend every second of every day with them and never grow tired of it.  When I need alone time, time with them fills that same need.

For me, I work a lot of the day...and I have volunteer commitments when I'm not working.  My time with my family is limited to evenings and weekends.  It would be very hard for me to take an extended vacation without them.  Even though I could do it.  I can totally see myself rationalizing that since I wouldn't want to spend 100% of a girls weekend with the girls, then why not use the time away from them to be with the people I love most?  If I can do this without interfering with the planned activities of the group, then why not?  Why does the fact that when I leave to go be "alone", the fact that it's with my family such a problem for some people?  If I'm not going to spend the time with you (because I'm not), then who cares what I'm doing?  

You feeling that I should use the time to take a "vacation" from my family, is your own projections of what I need.  And it's not fair to put that on me.  I would want you to tell me ahead of time that if we go on a trip together, you expect 100% of my time, no exceptions.  I could not go on a trip under those terms and would go crazy if forced into that situation.  

Everyone is different.  You needing constant time with your traveling partners is not rude...but neither is the need to have some time away.  What is rude, is forcing someone into a situation they are uncomfortable with.  You may think that it's over the top to have family in the same city you are vacationing in, but I don't see what the problem is.  I might not do it myself, but that doesn't mean that anyone who does is being rude.

squeakers

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I dunno. To me there is something different between,
“Hey, I really need my alone time so I am going to do x if that will work” and
“Hey, I have this really rare and un-provable social disorder so I am going to plan the whole trip in order to get my way.”
It’s just sounds a little dodgy, to steal a word from our European friends. Maybe it didn’t go down that way, maybe I am assuming much; but that is how it sounded to me and I would have been a bit put off. Not just in the change in dynamic; but in the lame-sounding excuses for it. I’ve got anxiety issues myself, so don’t think I am just brushing them off – I just wouldn’t try to use them the way it sounds like the woman in the OP did.




http://anxietypanichealth.com/reference/separation-anxiety-disorder-adult/  Doesn't appear to be all that rare of a disorder.

I don't think she was rude as long as she told everyone before the trip was set.  But I personally would have had no problems if she hadn't because even on a Hen's Night I wouldn't be doing anything that would make me uncomfortable doing it in front of my husband or a friend's kid or husband. Decorum and all that.*

* That and.. get off my lawn! (I am getting too old to get up to hijinks.. lowjinks is even stretching it.)
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bah12

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What's the difference between calling them everyday (or a few times a day) and running up to a hotel room to actually see them?


Well, the big one is the chance to run into them in the hotel corridor while I'm all dolled up and ready to go out for a night on the town with the girls. One of the advantages of going away for something like this is that where you're going no one will recognize you and so you can let your hair down a bit more than you might in your home town where tongues will wag the next day. Knowing that my friend's hubby was just around the corner might change that for me regardless of anything else.

Plus, it's easier to get someone who is having a quick chat to agree to a change in plans than it is to get someone who has left the room.

I'm still stuck on why she planned this type of party. I'm disabled, when I planned for my sister's parties I planned around that. I planned an event (hey, if I'm planning it it can cater to me a bit) that was a blast for her, and let me enjoy it and still have the energy to get out of bed the next week.

And IMO this is exactly what the woman in the OP did.  She planned a party that was a blast for everyone and arranged so that she could also meet her needs.  I really don't think that them being there is rude just because someone in her group might not want to run into him.  They arranged for him not to be part of the group activities.  The woman participated in all the group activities.  I think it's over the top to tell her that her family is not allowed to be in the same hotel.  

Twik

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But I think a vacation, in general, is different from a "hen party". Togetherness is the reason for the party in the first place. "One for all, and all for one" doesn't quite sound the same when DH and DS are just offstage.

I won't say anyone in the story is rude, but I think that the planning didn't seem to take the requirements of a hen party and the emotional needs of the participants, and find a solution that met all of them. Perhaps in this particular case, everyone was happy, but I think it was a strange way of setting things up.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

WillyNilly

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What some of us are saying is that that's simply not the default for everyone.  So to go on a trip without making your expectations clear doesn't guarantee you'll get what you want.  And it doesn't mean the person who interpreted the purpose of the trip differently is the one who is wrong or rude.  The other person is spending the few hundred bucks, too -- they're not an accessory for your trip.  

Like you, I live alone.  However for me, I do it because I love it.  I'm used to it, and this means that there's no way I could spend a weekend 100% with a group of friends.  Before my disastrous experience last summer, I had no idea anyone would ever expect it from me and I had no idea that their happiness during the trip would depend on constantly being in my presence.  

In the case of the woman in the OP who has serious anxiety issues, I think she did the best she could and came up with a compromise that, before reading this thread, I would have assumed would be reasonable and pleased everyone.  I imagine the poor lady was really caught off guard if her friends were angry with her, the same way I was on my own trip.  

I don't think it's fair to have such stringent expectations of someone without making that clear in advance.


Actually I think "together is the default for a bachelorette/hen's weekend.
I think if you make plans to do something together (go somewhere together, be it dinner or vacation or anything) the reasonable expectation is to be together.  So I actually think that's the default.  If you want non-together time, that's fine, but I actually think the onus is completely on you to clarify "I will go with you, but I will not spend all my time with you."  Because you are the one changing the plan for "lets go together" to "lets go to the same general area and spend sometime together but also time not together."
(all general "you"s)

I think though, there is a HUGE difference between saying "I'm peopled out right now and need some alone time, you all have fun I'm going to do [whatever] on my own" and saying "I'm done spending time with you all and am now going to spend time with someone else who I'd rather be with." 

But being with her husband and young child IS her "alone" time - pretty much. For an introvert, needing time away from a group of friends is about resting and refilling her resources.

Yes, exactly.  I really, really wish that extroverts could understand this.  It would make my life so much easier!

I for one sense a disconnect between "I can't handle any more people" and "so I have to spend time with my husband." I mean, he's a person, right?

It really isn't the same...and even though I am mostly an extrovert, I do get tired of being with the same people all the time.  My husband does not count though.  It's hard to explain, but there's a comfort there that is beyond that of even my best friend (who I've known much longer).  I do think it's quite fair to say that someone else should've planned the trip ...

Also, I don't think it's fair for those that say that the woman in the OP should not have planned the trip.  I don't know all the details of why she organized the trip, but if it was a bachelorette type party, then she wasn't planning it or throwing it for her.  It was for the bride.

I think that it's a bit unfair to say to the bride and bridal party that she won't have anything to do with the party if they have to travel, when there's another option out there that makes everyone happy.  And I think the woman picked the best option for everyone.    And I think it's just as important for someone to disclose that they expect 100% of her time on a trip as it would be for her to say that she can't commit to that.  I honestly find the whole attached at the hip thing to be weird.  I couldn't go on a trip with somoene that required that of me...or even required that if I spent time without them, then it has to be completely alone.  That's unreasonable and even a bit clingy.

If you're going to plan a girls' weekend, the "rules" should be the same for everyone.  I'm an introvert - I'd rather spend time with DH more than anyone else, but I wasn't born attached at the hip to the man.  I can phone him if I miss him. 

What are the "rules?"  I think that's what we disagree on.  When I have had girl trips in the past, there was never an expectation of spending 100% of our time together.  I would not go with people who expected that of me.


The rules are: spend time with the group or spend time ALONE (or broken into a sub-group).
No one else brought their husband and kid - because it was a girls weekend and husbands are not girls.  Some people, like the guest of honor, didn't even have a husband to bring even if the option had been open to them.

That's the problem.  Not the not spending time with the group the whole time, its the not spending time with the group because she's off spending time with her husband.

Either you are with the group or you are recharging alone, or the group splits to sub-groups.
Bringing a husband to a Hen's weekend away, that you planned, is like having a dinner party and having a separate meal just for yourself you don't share with your guests.

bah12

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But I think a vacation, in general, is different from a "hen party". Togetherness is the reason for the party in the first place. "One for all, and all for one" doesn't quite sound the same when DH and DS are just offstage.

I won't say anyone in the story is rude, but I think that the planning didn't seem to take the requirements of a hen party and the emotional needs of the participants, and find a solution that met all of them. Perhaps in this particular case, everyone was happy, but I think it was a strange way of setting things up.

I think that "togetherness" is the point of going away with anyone.  The only difference in a hen party, to me, is that the together time I spend with the group, does not include guys.  But, that doesn't mean that "togetherness" means all the time. 

The husband spend absolutely no time with the girls.  It was like he wasn't there.  The OP didn't invite him to dinner, she didn't skip oout on anything to be with him.  She simply spent, non-scheduled, non-committed, time with him.

And honestly, the fact that this was a group (and not just two people) make it all the more better.  Do you really need to plan a party where either everyone spend 100% of the time together or everyone spends some time alone (or with others)?  What is wrong with setting up a weekend where people that need the constant "togetherness" can get it while at the same time, those who need time to break away, can?


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