In Other Words, You're Ugly..

[MayHug]

Ok, she didn't say that exactly, but close enough.

BG
I work for a small company, a few years ago I made a lateral move within the company to sales/marketing. While I was very grateful for the opportunity, I soon realized sales isn't my thing. I was able to give up most of the sales stuff and concentrate on marketing which I love. After I left sales the boss moved someone else into the position. I had no problem with this as I felt she would probably be good at it. Ann is petite, blonde and gorgeous and I'm not :-) . As it turned out she didn't like it and eventually left the company all together.
End BG

The discussion of sales came up recently on a break with a few co-workers. The position is still open and I am not sure if boss will fill it or just continue to do it himself. I was relating that while I love the marketing aspect I quickly realized I wasn't cut out for sales. One of my co-workers looked at me and said "Well Mayhug, let's be real here... if "Ann" walked into a guy's office of course he is going to want to buy from her as opposed to you walking in there"

I just stared at her in stunned silence. She didn't even have the sense to realize how insulting she sounded, she just turned to someone else and started talking. I soon got up and left the room.

I could write a book on this co-workers behavior, but I just prefer to just let it slide off my back. I don't have much interaction with her anymore thank goodness. 

[Tia]

Oh that is awful! I just hate how caddy women can be! Us girls need to stick together not step on each other for dominance!
I'm sure you are beautiful. You shouldn't say that about yourself either. I've met very few women who are actually ugly. Most with proper use of cosmetics can look absolute gorgeous - though I would never tell a woman they need them. I like to help my friends figure out what works best on them and love to see them turn from self doubting to slapping men in the face! lol... not literally. Be proud of you girl!

[suzieQ]

Ugh - I feel your pain. As a teen (who was very self-conscious about my body since I developed early and had an hourglass figure) I worked at an ice cream shop.
Our shirts said "Perfection" on the back. I had a boy come up and tell me "from the neck down you are perfection". Oh, thanks. I must be a dog in the face, but so glad you enjoy looking at my body.  What a jerk!

[MsMarjorie]

MayHug - silence was the only way to go with that situation, you did well.

As for your co-worker, wow, what a piece of work.  People like that are usually so full of poison and self-loathing that it spills out into their interactions with other people.  Also she is probably jealous of you, you have a job you like and I bet are really good at, you get along with your co-workers, all things she wants.  I think your future strategy with her should be to pity her and avoid her as much as possible. 

[auntmeegs]

Not to mention the fact that even if Ann is more physically attractive then you, that does not mean that she would be a better sales person then you.  I do think the depending on the industry, sales can have a lot to do with looks, but in most cases sales has MUCH more to do with personality. 
But now, even if it didn't and even if you were totally heinous looking (and I am positive you are not), why why WHY would someone say something like that? 

[MayHug]

She truly just has no brain to mouth filter. I didn't mean to insult myelf, I only meant I'm not petite blonde or gorgeous. I spoke with my boss about her, among other things he said I actually sold twice as many accounts as Ann did.

[auntmeegs]

She truly just has no brain to mouth filter. I didn't mean to insult myelf, I only meant I'm not petite blonde or gorgeous. I spoke with my boss about her, among other things he said I actually sold twice as many accounts as Ann did.

HA!  There you go!

[KitKat]

I wouldn't have let her get off that easy.  I would have asked her "Why is that?"

[Emmy]

MayHug, wow, that co-worker was rude.

I had a similar story, but not as bad as yours.  A male co-worker left our job and got a sales position in another company.  One day people were discussing how great the new job sounds and I wistfully said it sounded great, maybe I should try something like that (even though I know I'm not cut out for sales).  Co worker said, "but Jim (the ex co-worker) is good looking and charming".  The implication was I am not.  I just sat there in stunned silence.  She did give an awkward apology while giggling, but has also made other little similar jabs about my appearance over the years, albeit infrequently.  I've never had a good comeback.  Glad I have a DH who does not share her opinion in the least, although the jabs do take the wind out of my sails when it happens.

I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing after being insulted and stunned, and also that the situation will go away.  Even though I wasn't the one making the rude comment, I still feel embarrassed when they are directed at me (there were always other people present) and just want people to change the topic instead of focusing on it.

[Twik]

Emmy - if there's a next time, smile and say, "He's also charming and tactful!" and I don't think they could claim you'd done anything other than praise another coworker.

[BeagleMommy]

Wow.  It always amazes me when people give these type of insults and then act as if they said something complimentary.  It's as if they think it doesn't sting because they've said it in a polite tone of voice.

[Ginya]

That is really terrible, I had the same reaction when my co-worker did almost the same thing yesterday. (I rarely wear makeup since it's time consuming and my job starts early in the morning) She walked into the office on one of the rare days I wore makeup, and said "Wow! You look so different with makeup on!.... Oh don't worry, it's a good thing."  I didn't have anything to say to her and she moved along. She then repeated herself later in the day and I just walked away. I don't know why a simple. "You look good today" wouldn't have sufficed but oh well 

[irish1]

Oh MayHug, that is so very rude. I hope you find a way to let her know you made twice as many sales as Ann

Isn't it awful how many of us have stories like this that made us feel belittled on our appearance? I have one - at my grandmother's funeral, an old friend of my mother's met (adult) me and my (adult) sister (actually, looking back, we were only 19 and 18 - quasi adults!) upon meeting me she said something polite like 'nice to meet you irish1, so sorry about your granny' and when she saw my sister cried out 'she's so beautiful!' I did have a laugh at that one - also many family members were complimenting my brother (the eldest) on being so helpful, and told my mother he was a credit to her. I meanwhile played the organ at the funeral - our childhood neighbour humorously commented 'irishgirl is beautiful, irishman is such a credit.. irish1? Well, she's all right at the (makes piano hands)'.

It's funny because somehow my sister and I have always felt bracketed as the pretty one and the smart one, respectively. (Incidentally, I have no idea why. Our amazing mother has never ever compared us) Trying to prove she was as smart as me has dominated my sister's education, but on the whole being the ugly one hasn't had a hugely negative effect on me.