Ugh. It's hereditary, apparently!

[Sandi Papaya]

...or else, cousin June's, err, progeny are just learning by example. To wit:

The youngest of my grown cousins, my cousin Nat (also June's half-sister), pointed out to "Tommy Jr." (June's 4-year-old son) that my brother, Cousin Mikey the Cop,  would be at the Christmas Eve celebration with his 2 new babies.

Tommy's immediate answer? "I'm not sharing my toys with them."

To which Nat responded, "You don't have to worry, Tommy. They're just little babies. They don't know how to play."

He just answered, "I don't care. I don't want to share my toys." 

Nice kid, that one. And June has to wonder why I keep my distance from her family?

Had I reacted like that to the news that I was having my new little cousins over to visit on Christmas, word of this would have definitely gotten back to my mom, and every present under the tree with my name on it would have gone straight back to Santa, to be replaced with a great big pile of nothing at all (or maybe one small, token gift - like the miniature Darth Tater I got, perhaps?) - so I would have a year to reflect on my behavior and figure out that Santa doesn't reward selfish little "I don't share" pigs.

If I didn't live in this house, I'd suggest sending that kid to live with my mom for a year. He'd come out of here straight as an arrow, knowing how to behave like an actual human being instead of a selfish little pig.

They do say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. How very, very right they are.

[Alida]

IIRC, a child's basic personality is set by the time they are 5.  It sounds as if the little one there is already well on the path to becoming a miniaturized version of how you describe your aunt.   That poor kid - he's been done such a disservice

[sammycat]

Does darling Tommy Jr attend daycare, kindergarten (preschool) or anything?  If so, how does he get on there with regards to sharing?  My children and 10 and 6 and I'm pretty sure they were over this stage long before the age of 4, or at the very least that would never had been the first thing out of their mouths when a visitor was announced.  Come to think of it, I've always had to stop them dragging every single toy out of their rooms whenever we have visitors as they are so keen to share. LOL

[Slartibartfast]

It is a stage most kids go through, and most DO grow out of it before age 5 . . . although children who don't have much contact with other kids or who have developmental disabilities may deal with it longer.  The chances are that this kid is a spoiled brat, though :-|  That's frustrating . . . wanna bet he needs his *own* car at age 16?

[freakyfemme]

At that age, I wouldn't go the "take away everything" route, maybe an exchange like this would be more appropriate:

TOMMY:  "I don't want to share my toys with the babies!!!"

AUNT:  "Don't worry, they're too little to play anyway."

TOMMY: "I don't care, I'm not sharing!!!"

AUNT:  "Well, gee, Tommy, you know Ptraghvyss down the street, who has that really awesome trampoline you love to play on so much?  What if one day, you went to his house, but all of a sudden, he never let you jump on it with him again?  How would that make you feel?"

TOMMY: "That's not fair, Ptragvhyss HAS to let me jump on his trampoline!!!"

AUNT: "No, he doesn't *have* to, but he shares the trampoline with you because he's a nice boy.  So, now that you know how it'd feel, do you think you can be a nice boy too, and share your toys with the babies when they get old enough to enjoy them?"

TOMMY:  "Yeah, I guess I could do that.  Can I go to Ptraghvyss' house now?"


Edited to add:  That's how my parents taught me and my brother the concept of sharing, and it worked better than all the punishments in the world.

[sammycat]

OT to freakyfemme:  I love the creative spelling for names you come up with - please say that they are not based on fact

[Sandi Papaya]

It is a stage most kids go through, and most DO grow out of it before age 5 . . . although children who don't have much contact with other kids or who have developmental disabilities may deal with it longer.  The chances are that this kid is a spoiled brat, though.

Hit the nail right on the head there.

He doesn't have much contact with other children. They do get sent to "daycare." I forgot - my uncle no longer watches the kids, as he doesn't get paid for his services (she whined, "DAAAAAAD! I shouldn't have to PAY you to take care of my children!" - never mind that she didn't spend a cent for 4 years on diapers, formula, food or other supplies - or the care of her 2 kids) - and flat-out refuses to enable them to drive drunk away from his house with the kids anymore.

The "daycare" they do get sent to isn't the best that money can buy, since cousin June and her husband have more important expensive playthings they need to get, like $1500 designer Louis Vuitton bags and Corvettes (I'm serious - he's hell-bent on his next car being a Corvette. He's barely just turned 30 and already having a midlife crisis?). "Daycare" consists of them going to some lady's house who's a SAHM acquaintance of my cousin's, who has 4 or 5 kids of her own whom she allows to run wild around the house.

There is no structured playtime or naptime, much less time for any kind of learning, as all the kids do all day is roughhouse all day, and bully my cousin's kids. My cousin's kids come back to them dirty, sticky, with stained/torn clothes and very little explanation of how their expensive designer clothes got that way. I'm not sure this woman is even a licensed daycare provider. But my cousin doesn't seem to care, as long as her designer handbag budget remains unaffected.

My cousin tried putting Junior in a private, licensed daycare/preschool-type facility when he was younger - they would not accept him at most places, because he was not, at age 3, toilet-trained. He just barely accomplished this feat shortly after he turned 4. The one place he did get accepted at ended up kicking him out, which was just as well, she said, as it was "too expensive."

I'm not sure how he's going to be accepted into kindergarten next year, as it's my understand that it's now the law that children in California have to attend preschool, or at least a daycare facility where a preschool learning component is part of the daily program. My 4-year-old godson and his 2-year-old sister attend just such a daycare facility; according to my aunt it's expensive, but knowing her children are properly cared for while she and her husband are away at work is much more important to her peace of mind than anything else.

[gjcva1]

MMB, just as well that you stayed home.  i would have had to correct the young lad, forcefully.  my parents would have worn me out if i'd have expressed similar feelings.  and i was a "spoiled only child"!

best that you focus on your brother's adorable twins.

[Sandi Papaya]

MMB, just as well that you stayed home.  i would have had to correct the young lad, forcefully.  my parents would have worn me out if i'd have expressed similar feelings.  and i was a "spoiled only child"!

best that you focus on your brother's adorable twins.

yep...I am their one and only auntie, at least on Dad's side of the family, while on Mom's side they have 2 other aunties. I didn't get to see them on Christmas because I had that monster cold and I didn't want to make them sick, but my brother did come by to drop off my gift from the twins ($40 to Amazon.com! I managed to finance part of my new iPod with that), and I'm going to go help babysit them tomorrow, and bring them their presents. I bought each of them snuggly Carter's bathrobes and matching hooded towels, a set of matching washcloths for each, and a basket of baby-bath goodies - the Baby Magic Calming Milk Bath stuff, so they'll have a soothing bath before bedtime; "The Polar Express" book in both English and Spanish, and a silver-plated sleigh bell for each, engraved with their names and birthdate, and dated "2006," which, we will explain to them when they get older, Santa delivered to them on their very special first Christmas (also, to go with the legend of the Polar Express, I'm going to pretend I don't "hear" the sound of the sleigh bells ).

I haven't seen my babies in days, because I didn't want to make them sick, but I miss them! 

[HogwartsAlum]

Aw, Moonbunny, you are a great auntie!

[Sandi Papaya]

I finally got to give the twins their gifties today. They were very well-received, at least by mom (dad was off at court, at a parole hearing at which the defendant did not show up - my brother's not the parolee, he's the cop in the case!). Nephew was too intrigued by the ceiling fan cords (his new toys) to notice, and Niecey was not feeling well, cuz she has pinkeye. Poor baby. So I spent a lot of time holding and comforting her, and later, flirting with my nephew  , who again had great big smiles for Auntie and is trying to speak already (at 2 months!). 

If my mom or I tell him "arroz" (the Spanish word for "rice") he tries to imitate us. It's so funny. I do love those two sweeties to death.

[andi]

MMB, just as well that you stayed home.  i would have had to correct the young lad, forcefully.  my parents would have worn me out if i'd have expressed similar feelings.  and i was a "spoiled only child"!

ditto - sharing was a concept i learned early, and one i'm trying to teach Boo (the other day at the haircutters i told him he had to share.  so every time a child came in, he'd grab a toy out of the basket and take it to them.  sigh ....)

[Sandi Papaya]

ditto - sharing was a concept i learned early, and one i'm trying to teach Boo (the other day at the haircutters i told him he had to share.  so every time a child came in, he'd grab a toy out of the basket and take it to them.  sigh ....)

awwww, that's cute!

my niece and nephew may have to learn about the concept of sharing earlier than most kids (and simultaneously) because...well...they're twins. They shared a womb, they're sharing Mom's and Dad's attention (and driving them crazy - although I think Mom has learned to be a lot more Zen than Dad!), they're sharing Auntie's attention...I had to give a lot more to Sweetpea (my niece) than to Punkin (my nephew) because Sweetpea was sick - not overly fussy, but sick, and it was my first opportunity to really spend lots of time giving her cuddles and love. Punkin gravitates toward Auntie (I think it's that Oedipal thing, it shows up early) a lot and I end up hanging out with him most of the times I see them, but I wanted to bond more with Sweetpea today. It's a delicate balance. I love my Punkin, with his big blue eyes and his toothless smiles for Auntie, but they're both my babies and they both deserve my time.

[freakyfemme]

>>they would not accept him at most places, because he was not, at age 3, toilet-trained.<<

That's not necessarily an indicator of laziness or brattiness.  My parents tell me that I was talking at 7 months, and walking at one year, but I wasn't potty-trained until just after I turned three (my birthday's June 16th, and I must have figured it out over the summer, because I remember starting nursery school the following September of that year), because try as I might, it just took me a while to get the hang of it, because I was born with a spatial disability.  But, on a really weird side note, I was also beginning to *read* when I was three.....all I'm saying is, every kid is different, and that doesn't necessarily mean that one who takes a little longer learning something is stupid or bad or whatever.

[Sandi Papaya]

I'm not saying he's stupid or bad, but he does have lazy and incompetent parents who don't really take the time to deal with their kids' issues and sort them out and, you know, parent the poor kids. Which isn't right.

He developed an unnatural fear of toilet-training at about the age of 2, when most kids would be taking an interest in potty-training, when he had an accident (he pooped) in the tub. Rather than let him know it was OK and that potty-training wasn't anything to be scared of, his parents mocked him for the episode and thought it was funny. Which, OK, it is kind of funny (and the kind of thing you embarrass the kid's first date with), but when it causes your kid discomfort and fear and delays a developmental milestone? You should be taking your kid to the pediatrician or a child psychologist, not mocking him or laughing at him and causing him discomfort and more insecurity. You especially shouldn't get angry at him for having an accident in the tub (which she did), because he was, at the time, a toddler, who didn't quite have control of his bowel and bladder functions at that point. You just clean and disinfect the tub, reassure the child and move on. I'm not a parent and I know that.

Cruelty, mockery, humiliation - all of these are a part of June's repertoire as a parent (and as a person) and it doesn't do much to raise my estimation of her as a parent or a human being. I'm not saying the kid's dumb. The poor little guy should have been at least toilet-trained to the point where he could, say, go by himself but not wipe himself, by the time he was 3. But he was completely, absolutely afraid of using the toilet. At all. Until this year. Because his mom made fun of him for it.

Granted, it's pretty normal for kids to be afraid of potty-training - initially. But you work with your child, possibly with the pediatrician, and help your kid conquer the fear. But if we had dared laugh at the child for being afraid to use the potty, June wouldn't think it was funny at all, yet she herself thought it was hilarious, and that it was perfectly OK for her to mock her own kid for not being a "big boy" and being afraid of things kids are normally afraid of: the dark, using the potty, etc. What kind of parent is that?