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Author Topic: Shower invite question..  (Read 1475 times)

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amylouky

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Shower invite question..
« on: March 29, 2011, 03:43:18 PM »
Per my previous post, my sisters and MIL want to throw an adoption shower for DH and I. It started as just a girls' thing, but I really want DH to be part of it, so now it's a coed thing. My BILs and nephews will be on the guest list, as well as one of my male cousins, and one female cousin's DH that my DH is really close to.
My question is.. I have quite a lot of female first cousins that I am close to. Whenever we get together, it's usually for a girls' night, or for a traditional women-only baby shower, bridal shower, etc.  So, I don't really know their DHs well, some I've only seen once or twice.
Would it be awful to invite cousin and not DH? I just think it would be strange to invite someone I barely know to a shower for us. Party, no problem, but a shower.. it would just seem gift-grabby. But, otoh, I don't want to offend anyone by not inviting their DH, then they get there and there are other males in attendance.
Opinions?

Roe

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2011, 03:47:50 PM »
Since it's co-ed, it would be wrong to omit the spouse.

Dorrie78

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2011, 04:00:16 PM »
Roe is right. The presence of men eliminates one of the times (an all-women event) it is socially acceptable not to invite social units. To stay within etiquette, you must invite both halves of any and all social units.

And to follow onto that a bit - if many of the invitees were invited with their spouses and I wasn't, I would be quite offended.

MrsJWine

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2011, 04:02:54 PM »
Well, couples usually bring one gift, so I wouldn't even begin to think of it as a gift grab.  Besides, as other have pointed out, etiquette gets off the hook here.  It's either co-ed, and you invite everyone and their spouses, or it's girls-only, and you invite only the women without their husbands.


I have a blog.  I hate that word.


Utah

Snewt

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2011, 07:36:12 PM »
It would not be gift grabby to invite husbands to a coed shower, even those you don't know well. If they don't want to come because they don't know you they have the option of declining and letting their wives go alone if they wish.

I think that if the cousins arrive to find that other men were invited and that their spouses weren't, they could potentially (and justifiably) be upset and hurt.

kareng57

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2011, 07:42:52 PM »
Agree with PPs - coed means you must invite all SOs even if you don't know them well.

Of course that does not mean that they both must attend.  If the guy would rather join an expedition to Antarctica than attend a baby shower, his partner can certainly attend by herself.

gramma dishes

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2011, 08:10:34 PM »
I agree with everyone before me.  If you've already established that some of the husbands, guy cousins, nephews, etc. will be there, then you can't omit just one or two husbands just because you don't know them well.  As kareng57 says, if he's uncomfortable with the idea, he's under no obligation to come.

I have heard of a few baby showers where no men except the father of the baby was in attendance, but this is a different situation entirely.

amylouky

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2011, 03:23:05 PM »
Okay.. it's all or none, then. :)
Thank you!

QueenofAllThings

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2011, 04:29:58 PM »
Here's how tired I am - I read the title and thought you were posing a question about inviting someone into the shower with you ...
 
Lord. It must be wine-thirty.

shhh its me

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2011, 05:30:03 PM »
  future husbands and fathers to be get reprive from no men at showers , you can also get away with fathers and brothers of the bride/groom weddig party (to carry stuff) I think once you start including male cousins and/or you if you invite any spouses then you have to invite them all.

amylouky

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2011, 09:45:47 PM »
Here's how tired I am - I read the title and thought you were posing a question about inviting someone into the shower with you ...
 
Lord. It must be wine-thirty.

Haha. If I'm inviting someone into the shower with me, it's WAYYYY past wine-thirty. :)

TootsNYC

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #11 on: March 31, 2011, 07:59:43 AM »
Since it's co-ed, it would be wrong to omit the spouse.

I agree.

Plus, if you don't invite them, how ARE you going to get to know them?

And if you invite all the other guys, but not them, I can assure you that you won't really ever feel comfortable around them.

"Knowing them well" and "feeling comfortable around them" are not static states.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2011, 08:01:22 AM by TootsNYC »

amylouky

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Re: Shower invite question..
« Reply #12 on: March 31, 2011, 10:01:15 AM »

I agree.

Plus, if you don't invite them, how ARE you going to get to know them?

And if you invite all the other guys, but not them, I can assure you that you won't really ever feel comfortable around them.

"Knowing them well" and "feeling comfortable around them" are not static states.




That's a great point.. maybe this will be a way for DH to get to know them better. He's generally uncomfortable around larger groups of guys, because he doesn't get in to the typical "guy" things like sports, etc. and the conversation invariably turns to one of those topics and stays there, as guys tend to do. Maybe being a shower, it will be different.


I think that, and not wanting to appear gift-grabby were my main motivations in not wanting to invite ALL the SOs.. but I wasn't thinking also that each couple would likely bring the same gift as if just my cousin came, so I guess we're good there, too.

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions!