Author Topic: 4th of July BBQ-invite question  (Read 2060 times)

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elora94

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4th of July BBQ-invite question
« on: June 29, 2007, 08:25:05 PM »

Every year, we get an e-mailed invitation from my husband's cousin for her 4th of July barbecue.  This "e-vite" typically states that the hosts will provide basic items like hot dogs and chips, then goes on to state that guests should bring their own beverages (any kind, not just booze) and also says something to the effect of "if you wish to join us for dinner, you should bring......" filled in with either "a dish for everyone to share" or sometimes a specific item.  Last year, the e-vite actually stated that they were going to have the party, but due to economic hard times, our guests need to bring......then went on to list everything, down to chairs/forks/napkins, etc.

My question is two parts: One, is it rude to even use e-mail for the invitation in the first place, and two, is it rude that they would invite you to a party and then basically tell you that if you want something then you need to bring it with you?

I'm confused because it is a barbecue, so technically an informal party, but she doesn't specify "potluck" so much as just tells the guests that they need to bring something.

artk2002

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Re: 4th of July BBQ-invite question
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2007, 08:47:10 PM »
On the eVite: No, not rude.  Quite consistent with the formality of the occasion.

While there are some (many) on the board who will disagree with me, I don't find the invitation itself to be rude.  It's a planned-pot-luck, even if they don't use the term.  As long as everyone knows the rules in advance, then I see no problem with it.  If you go, you accept the conditions.  If you find the conditions unacceptable, you don't go.

The only thing that bugs me is the comment on the previous invitation about "due to economic hard times..."  Either you host a party (and provide everything) or you organize a pot luck.  But don't whine about money if you're hosting the pot luck.
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Harriet Jones

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Re: 4th of July BBQ-invite question
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2007, 08:51:25 PM »
I think e-vites are fine for casual events, and I don't have a problem with potlucks, although I think the invitation could be phrased a bit better  :P

ProperLady

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Re: 4th of July BBQ-invite question
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2007, 09:20:58 PM »
Evites are the norm now, especially for very informal events. However.....if I were having any kind of potluck, the most people would be required to bring is one dish to share. I know it's not an official "rule", but when someone has to bring two or even three things, I would wonder why the host was having the party in the first place.  And I would NEVER mention "hard times".  I can see not providing tons of top shelf alcohol, or even that some people don't drink, but you can get cases of soda for a few dollars. I mean, come on!

loopey2u

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Re: 4th of July BBQ-invite question
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2007, 09:31:23 PM »
I'm with whoever said the invitation itself was not rude, but it could have been phrased a little better.

Our group of friends has parties like that all the time.  One person volunteers their house, and everybody pitches in and brings things so it doesn't cost the host an arm and a leg to have us all over. Host tells us what she'll provide and what's still needed. We all take turns volunteering our houses, and it works out really well.


likiak

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Re: 4th of July BBQ-invite question
« Reply #5 on: June 30, 2007, 05:30:13 PM »
"hard times"- that is lame. Potlucks are good. I would mention the term "potluck" in th evites though. I just think it would be less confusing and demanding of the guests. It sounds tacky to invite someone and then tell them what they have to do and bring in order to come to the party. I'd make it simple..."Potluck."

elora94

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Re: 4th of July BBQ-invite question
« Reply #6 on: July 01, 2007, 02:14:13 PM »
"hard times"- that is lame. Potlucks are good. I would mention the term "potluck" in th evites though. I just think it would be less confusing and demanding of the guests. It sounds tacky to invite someone and then tell them what they have to do and bring in order to come to the party. I'd make it simple..."Potluck."

Yeah, I think that what you say here (which is pretty similar to everyone's thoughts) is what we were thinking.  I don't have a problem with potlucks, it's just the way she words it - in that "if you want to come you have to bring" way without ever actually labeling it a potluck. As far as last year's mention of hard times, well, I thought that was too much.  It kind of came off as trying to guilt people into coming.

As for the e-vites, thanks to everyone who cleared that up for me!  I'm still pretty new to the world of technology so that was kind of a foreign concept.  I guess I should look up e-mail etiquette, lol.

likiak

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Re: 4th of July BBQ-invite question
« Reply #7 on: July 02, 2007, 05:33:47 PM »
Well, I hope you have a great 4th of July and speed safely!

tapperjockey

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Re: 4th of July BBQ-invite question
« Reply #8 on: July 02, 2007, 06:08:46 PM »
It sounds like she's not so much hosting a gathering, as just providing a place for the family to gather for the holiday. Some families are like this, and have that understanding (since this is your husband's cousin,  I presume you didn't grow up with this).   My family is like that for some events.. who ever's turn it is (they draw holidays for the next year at Xmas) supplies an entree and the location, sometimes decor. Everyone brings there own beverages. But since one year, no one coordinated who's bringing what, and for fourth of July 5 people brought pounds and pounds of potato salad, now the hostess sends the time, etc. as well as a "course" or "type" of food. (like, "Rhonda, please bring one of your delish pasta salads", or "Patrick, can you make that great 7 layer salad",  "Ma, you're in charge of the RWB Pies".. etc.).   In larger families, sometimes thats the way it goes.. :)

kingsrings

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Re: 4th of July BBQ-invite question
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2007, 11:36:09 AM »
It's not rude to use Evite, and it's not rude to have a semi-potluck. However, it is rude to ask the guests to basically provide EVERYTHING for the party, especially right down to the cutlery and chairs!! The hosts could provide the main dish, drinks, and maybe dessert, and the guests can provide all the side dishes.

caranfin

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Re: 4th of July BBQ-invite question
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2007, 01:49:57 PM »
I can't imagine how saying "We'd like to throw a party, but we can't afford it, so you can come but you have to bring everything" could ever be considered anything but rude.
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