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Author Topic: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!  (Read 20100 times)

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kitchcat

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #15 on: April 02, 2011, 10:22:02 PM »
Bypassing the cohabitation/divorce debate...
I really don't think there's a good way to deal with a comment like that other than silence. The same thing happened to me when I was engaged. A girl in one of my college classes just scoffed, "Why are you getting engaged. You're just gonna get divorced!" I barely knew this girl. I just pretended I didn't hear her.
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Miss March

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #16 on: April 03, 2011, 08:01:58 AM »
Quote
My MIL said something similar.  The story was on the main site: DH gave me a ring his grandmother had given his mother, and as he put it on my finger she said, "When you two get divorced, I get that ring back!"  We will celebrate 12 years in June.

Deb1000faces, can you link to your story on the main site? This boggles me. Your MIL was present for the moment your fiance slipped the ring on your hand, and she said that? Did your fiance say anything to her? Did the entire room look at MIL in shock and make her realize what she had just said?
I assume you heard the way she spoke to me at dinner.
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Bob Ducca

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #17 on: April 03, 2011, 08:31:56 AM »
Quote
My MIL said something similar.  The story was on the main site: DH gave me a ring his grandmother had given his mother, and as he put it on my finger she said, "When you two get divorced, I get that ring back!"  We will celebrate 12 years in June.

Deb1000faces, can you link to your story on the main site? This boggles me. Your MIL was present for the moment your fiance slipped the ring on your hand, and she said that? Did your fiance say anything to her? Did the entire room look at MIL in shock and make her realize what she had just said?

It was just the three of us.  DH just stared at her, then put his arm around me and we left.  She laughed.  I came perilously close to giving the ring back to her then and there, but it was important to DH to give me a ring.

As far as linking to the main site, I think the story is too old, the archives only go back to 2000 and I think I sent in the story in 1998/1999.  I'll keep looking.

Miss March

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #18 on: April 03, 2011, 08:49:33 AM »
She laughed? She laughed like she was trying to pretend she had made a joke?

I sure hope she laughed like she was trying to pretend she had made a joke, because laughing for any other reason would be too cruel.
I assume you heard the way she spoke to me at dinner.
Of course, but how does it help to answer rudeness with rudeness?             --Downton Abbey

Bob Ducca

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #19 on: April 03, 2011, 04:10:19 PM »
She laughed? She laughed like she was trying to pretend she had made a joke?

I sure hope she laughed like she was trying to pretend she had made a joke, because laughing for any other reason would be too cruel.

It was kind of mixed laughter: MIL is the kind to say very cruel things and then say, "Oh, get a sense of humor, I was just teasing."  So, yes, she was laughing at her funny "joke," but she was also laughing because of the expression on our faces and how hurt we were.

Lots of stories about her, unfortunately.  I don't have any contact with her anymore.

KimberlyRose

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #20 on: April 03, 2011, 11:19:37 PM »
Additionally, Larrabee, the studies attribute it to the following -
People move in together for all sorts of reasons, some of which are convenience, rent-sharing, etc. Some of those folks then 'fall' into marriage because 'well, we're already living together,so...'  In other words, the snowball just starts rolling down the hill.

Bolded to emphasize that I'm not referring to everyone who lives together prior to marriage (before I get yelled at), but to point out that the studies show that apathy/entropy can lead to marriage (for the wrong reasons, obviously) which may result in marriage.

I think one common reason for divorces among people who lived together is that they know the relationship is in trouble. They want *something* to change, and getting married is something that they hope will be different enough to matter. Unfortunately, it's usually not.

It's sort of like the marriage itself is the last hurrah of a dying relationship.

My mom told me a while ago about a study that found exactly this. (Sorry, no links to studies, but given that her field is Family Studies, I tend to trust the accuracy of her information.)

Ms_Shell

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #21 on: April 04, 2011, 09:41:52 AM »
Additionally, Larrabee, the studies attribute it to the following -
People move in together for all sorts of reasons, some of which are convenience, rent-sharing, etc. Some of those folks then 'fall' into marriage because 'well, we're already living together,so...'  In other words, the snowball just starts rolling down the hill.

Bolded to emphasize that I'm not referring to everyone who lives together prior to marriage (before I get yelled at), but to point out that the studies show that apathy/entropy can lead to marriage (for the wrong reasons, obviously) which may result in marriage.

I think one common reason for divorces among people who lived together is that they know the relationship is in trouble. They want *something* to change, and getting married is something that they hope will be different enough to matter. Unfortunately, it's usually not.

It's sort of like the marriage itself is the last hurrah of a dying relationship.

My mom told me a while ago about a study that found exactly this. (Sorry, no links to studies, but given that her field is Family Studies, I tend to trust the accuracy of her information.)

I've heard the same thing.  I'll update if I find some studies.   
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whiterose

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #22 on: April 04, 2011, 08:55:24 PM »
I think the "What an interesting assumption" line may work in this case as well.

But complete silence was fine.
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SamiHami

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #23 on: April 05, 2011, 12:35:41 PM »
Really, I didn't mean to start a debate on the pros and cons of living together/not living together prior to marriage.  Everyone has to make their own choices, and just because I chose to wait until marriage doesn't mean I judge people who don't. 

My focus was just on the absolute rudeness of this witch.  I mean, who says things like that?

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Larrabee

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #24 on: April 05, 2011, 12:44:47 PM »
Really, I didn't mean to start a debate on the pros and cons of living together/not living together prior to marriage.  Everyone has to make their own choices, and just because I chose to wait until marriage doesn't mean I judge people who don't. 

My focus was just on the absolute rudeness of this witch.  I mean, who says things like that?

Don't worry, it wasn't you took it down a 'debate-y' road.  ;)

She was unequivocally rude.

If I was very close to someone I might feel ok having a discussion with them about what might be the best choice.  Otherwise, you just smile, congratulate and don't judge other people by your personal standards!

Lots of people get divorced and lots don't, as far as I can see both groups contain people from all walks of life and all belief systems.

Orisha

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #25 on: April 05, 2011, 02:57:40 PM »
Yup.  I had a bridesmaid/friend who told me at the rehearsal dinner that I'd get a divorce and that next time, my wedding had to better accommodate her schedule.  Needless to say, we are no longer friends.

Ida

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #26 on: April 05, 2011, 11:23:56 PM »
My MIL said something similar.  The story was on the main site: DH gave me a ring his grandmother had given his mother, and as he put it on my finger she said, "When you two get divorced, I get that ring back!" 



"Oh, don't worry, MIL. We'll wait till after you die to get divorced."
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Iris

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #27 on: April 05, 2011, 11:31:02 PM »
Well, maybe she was giving you a compliment. After all, we all know that only low class people stay married for more than 10 years these days  >:D
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SamiHami

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #28 on: April 06, 2011, 08:07:32 AM »
Well, maybe she was giving you a compliment. After all, we all know that only low class people stay married for more than 10 years these days  >:D

Of course!  How could I have not realized that?  She was just trying to pay me a compliment!  LMAO ;D

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leafeater

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Re: You'll definitely get a divorce!!!
« Reply #29 on: April 12, 2011, 05:50:13 PM »
You know, for some people this might be true.  I know plenty of people who swear the passage into married life was eased by the fact that they lived together first.  I also know plenty of people who lived together only to discover prior to what would have been a bad marriage that it didn't work.

The mistake is in assuming what's true for (generic) you is true for everyone.