I don't think anybody should be vetoing anything, if that was aimed at me then I'm not sure where the word veto came from!
It wasn't aimed at anyone in particular. This is a topic that has come up a number of times, with comments such as 'dealkiller' and 'he'll just need to suck it up,' frequently arising.
I believe these are things that need to be discussed and agreed upon before a marriage takes place.
Agreed. But I also realize that compromise isn’t always possible. A compromise mentioned here (having a double-ring ceremony, with the groom only wearing his ring for special occasions) still wouldn’t have worked for my father. My parents were married 53 years ago in a single-ring ceremony. My dad was a welder and chose not to wear a ring for safety reasons. And he didn’t want to have a double-ring ceremony because – to him – accepting a ring he had no intention of ever wearing would have felt like an empty gesture – not quite a lie, but still not something he wanted to do during his wedding vows. As it happened, my mother didn’t care either way (and in 1957, single-ring ceremonies were as common as double-ring); but if she had
cared, no real compromise would have been possible – one of them would have had to prevail and the other would have had to give in… This happens sometimes. And, in my opinion, when compromise is not possible, then the person most affected should be the one to prevail. And, in the case of jewelry, the person who has to wear
the jewelry is the one most affected.
A man who isn't completely onboard with my decision to keep my name after marriage and agrees with my reasoning as to why isn't one I'd be marrying.
Perhaps. People are complicated, though. Suppose you did fall in love with a man who was otherwise completely perfect for you but who had strong feelings about your taking his name. Let’s say that, despite his being a 100% modern man otherwise, he just felt strongly about the symbolism of giving his name to his wife. Theoretically, a compromise might be possible here -- you might be willing to take his name during the ceremony, say, but only use it socially thereafter. Legally and for work-purposes, you would keep your maiden name… But if this wouldn’t work for you, then there you’d be – with no compromise possible. One of you would have to ‘win;’ and one of you would have to ‘lose.’