Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Can I Bring Something?...Sure, how 'bout everything!

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Hi everyone...I'm sure a topic like this has been posted about before, but I'm just a little annoyed and wanted to share my experience.

First thing this morning, my BIL (who is also my direct neighbor in a 3-unit apartment building), called to invite us to a BBQ tonight. FIL is also coming, so there will be 5 adults and 3 kids in total. They are making hamburgers on the grill--yum!

I said thanks for the invite, and asked if I could bring anything (this is custom in our family). He said we could bring whatever we wanted, so I listed off a few options and asked what he preferred. He said it was up to me! Great, no problem. I just happened to have gone to the grocery store last night, so my pantry is pretty stocked. DH had to work, and won't be home until late, and because of this (he took the car with our only carseat) I won't be able to go to the store to get anything else, so I thought I'd just bring what I had around. I decided to bring a watermelon and some chips & dip.

My SIL (BIL's wife), called me a few minutes ago to let me know that FIL would be over anytime and they were getting the burgers ready for the grill. Since I hadn't talked to her this morning, I asked her if she had a preference from my list of options. She's pregnant and if watermelon and chips don't sound good to her, I'd like to accomodate, if possible.

That's when she informed me that BIL told her that I'd be bringing all the "sides" (and that they already have chips, but a salad would be "nice"). I said that the options I mentioned were all I had, but I wasn't planning on bringing ALL of them, just a couple. She said that BIL had asked FIL to bring drinks and he asked me to bring sides. Um... ??? That's not the conversation I remembered, but okay...

I explained my situation (unable to go the store) and she said they could watch the kids so I could go alone. However, by the time I leave here, get the salad she requested, return home and prepare it, I'd be late for dinner! She said if I didn't want to go, that's fine. I can do whatever I want. (Said with dripping guilt complex...) I told her I'd be bringing chips, salsa, guacamole and a watermelon. Then she quickly said she had to get off the phone.

Now I'm perplexed. (As a side note, I usually have to bring food for my kids to family gatherings, too, because 2 out of the 3 are pretty picky eaters and so it's just understood that they will eat before we arrive or I'll pack some food for them so that the host doesn't have to do extra shopping.) I guess I should have just invited everyone over to my place, huh? (Nevermind that I have already invited them all over here *tomorrow* for hot dogs on the grill. And no, I don't expect anyone to bring anything, except FIL who offered to bring diet soda to add to my drink menu of ice tea & lemonade!)

Is my annoyance unjustified? Or am I actually being a pushover for still bringing chips, dips & watermelon?

P.S. BIL just called and they are starting up the grill now, so I have to go. If there are any replies, I'll be back on later tonight!


--- Quote ---She said if I didn't want to go, that's fine. I can do whatever I want. (Said with dripping guilt complex...)
--- End quote ---

Completely and entirely her problem.  And, a problem that you can ignore.  You are not required to provide all the sides for someone else's meal.  Especially not when you've already told her what you will bring.

Take what you want (if you even still want to).  Go the party (if you even still want to).  And, enjoy whatever's there (if you even still want to).  But, DON'T give in to anyone else's childish temper tantrum that you didn't bring "enough" or the the "right thing."  Her lack of maturity isn't yours to worry about at all.

I've changed my answer.  Forget her dinner and bring chips, guacamole, dip and watermelon over here.  YUMMMM!!! You have my mouth watering now.  And, I'd TOTALLY appreciate the good food!

well now you know -- if you volunteer, don't list a lot of options because you will then be on the hook for all of them -- next time -- 'would you like me to bring some chips? (or cokes? or a watermellon?) mentioning only ONE

Thanks for your replies. The meal was delicious. We had burgers with all the proper toppings, and we had chips, quacamole, salsa and watermelon. :) I think it was a fine meal.

I asked her if she had decided on whether or not they wanted to join us tomorrow for hot dogs (they hadn't given me an answer when I invited them this morning), and she said she didn't like hot dogs. I told her that it's what was on the menu, but she was welcome to join us anyway, if she liked. And I thanked her for having us over.

I think next time I'll do as advised above...I'll only offer to bring one option instead of giving too many choices. It will certainly make my life a little easier! LOL

Now for another question...I offered to give them the leftover watermelon, which they accepted. But I totally forgot about my chips and salsa (there was no quacamole left  ;D ). Would it be rude of me to ask for them back tomorrow? (There's 3/4 of the bag left, and the salsa is almost full, too.)


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