Please stop licking the cane toads. The first time you bit one it scared the hell out of me, I thought it was going to kill you.
Now I realise you have got your dose down to a fine art, and just lick it a couple of times until you get all stoned.
Don't do drugs, you little stoner you! Bloody drug addict.
The giver of smooches.
Thank you for not licking the live cane toads. However, finding the dead ones and using them as a chew toy is frowned upon too. Knock it off!
Also, whilst I am writing to you, could you please keep your tongue in your mouth? The constant licking of me, your dad, the car, the furniture, the other dogs, the air, the windows... gah! Please, try to contain yourself.
Thank you for being the sweetheart you are and not taking after your nutso sisters.