Please Help! How 2 reciprocate Turkish Gift giver

[thaddmc]

Hello!  I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.

Mine was great until I opened one small gift.  It was from a Turkish gentleman I work with 2-3 days a week.  I am an IT Director, he is an independent consultant.  We've been working together for a couple of years and have never exchanged Christmas gifts in the past. 

We do have a casual friendship and get along well.  He tells me about his family, I tell him about mine.  We have never been to each others homes and haven't gotten together other outside of work.

He has other clients, but I am his biggest.  (paying him nearly as much as I make)

I was surprised when he handed me a small gift on the day before my vacation started.  I thought it was probably just candy, but when I opened it I was shocked to find a 30 GB iPod!!! 

My first thought was to return it to him, but it was suggested, that may be insulting.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Thank you for taking time to read this.

Thadd

[Rose2Bear]

I guess there are two things to consider

1. Are you comfortable accepting such a gift

and

2. Do you want to or feel you are required to reciprocate in an equal fashion and if so, could/would you?

Maybe he has a lot of money tucked away so such a gift isn't that extravagent for him. Either way though, if you are uncomfortable accepting such a gift or feel the need to give him something of equal value, but are unable to, then you should tell him so and offer to give him the gift back.   If you ARE comfortable accepting such a gift though, maybe you should consider giving a higher end present but within a range you are comfortable spending - such as a nice gift set from Godiva or something.

Is the fact that he is Turkish significant? I only ask that becasue I was curious if you thought perhaps he wasn't familiar with the gift giving customs of where you are from or if you wern't sure of the customs of reciprocating where he is from.

But, I guess what my opinion boils down to is you have to decide whether or not you are comfortable accepting this gift and whether you feel the need to reciprocate with an expensive present.

[Clara Bow]

Is this person very wealthy? I ask because sometimes what seems like a screaming big deal gift to us is a drop in the bucket to the wealthy. Also, it may be customary in his culture to give nicer gifts...I've got no idea and my Middle Eastern friend moved back home so I can't get a cultural reference for you.
If you believe that he is trying to get a little too close to you, return the gift. If he's just being generous and sharing his wealth, then keep it in good health!

[wetblanket]

I used "turkish" "gift" and "etiquette" in Yahoo and got all kinds of hits.

There was no straightforward answer to your question that I could find (but I didn't read everything).  However, I did get the impression that returning the gift would be seen as rude - in Turkey.  If you are not in Turkey, I think it's OK to go with the gift giving practices in the region.

In some cultures it's seen as rude to reciprocate a gift too quickly.  To do so indicates that you want to be clear of any obligation to the gift-giver as soon as possible, and that is seen as unfriendly.  The friendly thing to do is wait an appropriate time - sometimes years! - and then reciprocate.

What I recommend (and heaven knows I'm no expert) is a very nice thank-you card, and when the right opportunity presents itself, you can get him a gift.  It doesn't have to be anything extravagant - something very thoughtful can do quite nicely.  E.g. if he is a collector of some kind, keep your eyes peeled for choice items he doesn't already have.  Or a nice book on something that interests him.  But by all means - enjoy the iPod!

[mimi_cat]

Since he is a consultant, I am assuming that you both work for different companies. 

Does your company have any kind of policy against accepting gifts from consultants/vendors?  Most companies do - certainly against something so expensive (as opposed to fruit/treats).

[thaddmc]

Ok... good stuff.  Still trying to decide about being comfortable with the gift.  In fact, the outcome of this research will help determine that. 

The fact he is Turkish is one of my concerns.  Although we are doing business in the US, I want to respect his values. 

As an engaged young man who has started his own business, his financial situation is better than mine.  (for now at least)  Since he doesn't have the expense of a family to consider, it might be that the cost isn't an issue for him.  He does come from a "wealthier" family, so his perception of money could be different. 

It was also brought to my attention that he could also be considering this as a business expense and will write it off on his taxes.

We do work for different companies, but this is not an issue based on policies.

My googling revealed similar info regarding customs... as did asking friends and family.  I was hoping for something more definitive, but it sounds like I'm going to go with a very nice Thank You note and then waiting for an appropriate opportunity to reciprocate. 

I look forward to further suggestions, and thank you all for helping me get a clearer perspective on this.

Happy New Year!
Thadd

[WestAussieGirl]

He has other clients, but I am his biggest.  (paying him nearly as much as I make)

My husband runs his own business and we always buy gifts for the clients.  The more valuable the client (in fees or in referrals), the bigger the gift.  We certainly don't expect them to reciprocate (some do, but only with a small token). 

We also receive gifts from many of the companies we do business with, some small, some very extravagant.  We generally don't reciprocate but I just send a nice thankyou note.

I think I'd choose to view this as a business gesture, a thankyou for your custom.  I'd send a thankyou note and let it go.  Later (and I'd wait a good few months), you might find a way of giving him a gift to thank him for the work he has done.

[Bijou]

If there is no reason for you to not accept the gift (like company rules, favoritism, trying to cultivate adeeper relationship) I would be gracious, say thank you and put it behind me.   If you have a boss in all this, you might let them know what happened and let them guide you about what to do.