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Author Topic: You want me to give you a ride *every day*? Hopefully final Update p 46  (Read 141536 times)

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Nannerdoman

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #45 on: April 12, 2011, 02:27:22 PM »
Another vote for closing down your taxi service.

First, lock all your doors.

Next, phone or e-mail Carla and tell her that driving Damien to school isn't working out and is too disruptive to your morning routine and to the needs of your family.  So you must stop.  Good-bye, got to go, CLICK.

Adopt the motto of the Bank of England:  "Never apologize, never explain", for this situation.

Continuing to enable parasites benefits neither you nor them.
I'm the grammarian against whom your mother warned you.

workingmum

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #46 on: April 12, 2011, 03:09:04 PM »
My gosh! You have the patience of a saint! If anyone disrupted my DD's morning routine at all they'd be very quickly told to leave (mornings are hard enough already!). And as for waltzing into your bathroom... on what planet is this acceptable? And forgetting that you asked her not to?  :o

I POD all the other posters saying put a stop to this now. It's only going to get worse as Damien realises his mother condones (and actually encourages) his bullying behaviour. You need to stand up for your son. It's not always easy but when it comes down to it, who is more important to you?

I would call her up on a Saturday and say "Carla, giving you and Damien a ride to school is no longer possible. You need to make other arrangements". this gives her plenty of time to make other arrangements before the school week starts. Then on Monday morning, lock your door and tell DS he is not to open it under any circumstances. If she's waiting on your porch, you tell her "Carla, we already discussed this. I am no longer able to give you a ride to school". Then you get in your car and leave.
"I sold my soul for freedom - it's lonely but it's sweet" -Melissa Etheridge

HonorH

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #47 on: April 12, 2011, 04:20:16 PM »
Well, as I see it, you have three choices:

1. Have your spine surgically removed and tattoo "Welcome!" on your forehead;
2. Politely inform Carla this isn't working and she needs to find other accommodations for Damien, no, really, it isn't possible for you to take him to school anymore; or
3. Strangle Carla with your shower curtain.

Personally, I'd go with #2.
William wondered why he always disliked people who said "no offense meant." Maybe it was because they found it easier to say "no offense meant" than actually to refrain from giving offense.

--Terry Pratchett, The Truth

workingmum

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #48 on: April 12, 2011, 04:24:19 PM »
Well, as I see it, you have three choices:

1. Have your spine surgically removed and tattoo "Welcome!" on your forehead;
2. Politely inform Carla this isn't working and she needs to find other accommodations for Damien, no, really, it isn't possible for you to take him to school anymore; or
3. Strangle Carla with your shower curtain.

Personally, I'd go with #2.

#3 sure would be tempting though  >:D
"I sold my soul for freedom - it's lonely but it's sweet" -Melissa Etheridge

Ceiling Fan

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #49 on: April 12, 2011, 04:47:45 PM »
Well, as I see it, you have three choices:

1. Have your spine surgically removed and tattoo "Welcome!" on your forehead;
2. Politely inform Carla this isn't working and she needs to find other accommodations for Damien, no, really, it isn't possible for you to take him to school anymore; or
3. Strangle Carla with your shower curtain.

Personally, I'd go with #2.

#3 sure would be tempting though  >:D

OP in the bathroom with the shower curtain!

Too bad life isn't a Clue game ;D

missmolly

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #50 on: April 12, 2011, 06:50:15 PM »
Tell Carla point blank that this isn't working for you or your kids, and that IF it is raining you will pick Damien up. Then lock the doors in the mornings and don't open them to her. If she will ignore your request to keep out of your bathroom while you are showering, she'll ignore this.

And a big POD to those who say this is having an impact on your kids.
"Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out". Chekhov.

Georgie

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #51 on: April 12, 2011, 08:03:25 PM »
(Feel free to go into her shower)

Best response ever

Otterpop

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #52 on: April 12, 2011, 08:12:39 PM »
Yes, you're teaching your kids to let others take advantage.  My mother was a doormat and I saw her:   lend money to people who never paid it back, give bags of food to the neighbors who came back the next day for more, allowed our only TV to be loaned out by the repair shop for 3 months, get ripped off by every repair person imaginable.  By the time I was grown, she was depressed and worn out.  I ended up fighting for her like a momma tiger more than once, (car salesmen, bad kitchen remodel, thieving donation center who came into her home) but I resented the fact that she would get herself into these messes.

There is a big difference between being charitable and being used.  Please be strong, it will teach your children to be strong as well.

bbgirl

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #53 on: April 12, 2011, 10:29:40 PM »
It's no wonder her son has no boundaries...neither does she!

I pod to the nth degree to quit the rides altogether. Rain hurts no one....

If you want to couch it in a reason, just tell her that from now on mornings are family time only. No visitors are welcome and rides are just not possible  any longer.....

What a pest!

Stranger

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #54 on: April 12, 2011, 11:45:43 PM »
I chickened out  :( The suggestions in the thread is *brilliant* and I know that I have to have this talk. But I chickened out this morning.

*sigh*

My resolution is to have the chat with her tomorrow, as I don't work on Thursdays. I will have her over for a cup of coffee and gently explain that it is.just.not.working. I am going to say that is no longer possible for me to give her a lift every day, but that I will collect her and Damien from home IF it rains. (thereby removing the need to come to my house in the mornings)

The thought of doing this is giving me heart palpitations and I am sweaty  ::) but I will do it - for my children. Seeing the impact behaviour like this has on children was a real eye opener for me, and for that I thank everyone who replied to my thread.

I will let you know how it went tomorrow.

Baxter

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*? Stupid update p4
« Reply #55 on: April 12, 2011, 11:58:58 PM »
Good luck Stranger - you can do this!!

Practice beforehand in a mirror if you have to.  As I am sure that she is going to try to argue with you, also practice saying "thats just not going to be possible" as an answer to everything, don't give her anything to argue against.

HonorH

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #56 on: April 13, 2011, 12:11:12 AM »
I chickened out  :( The suggestions in the thread is *brilliant* and I know that I have to have this talk. But I chickened out this morning.

*sigh*

My resolution is to have the chat with her tomorrow, as I don't work on Thursdays. I will have her over for a cup of coffee and gently explain that it is.just.not.working. I am going to say that is no longer possible for me to give her a lift every day, but that I will collect her and Damien from home IF it rains. (thereby removing the need to come to my house in the mornings)

The thought of doing this is giving me heart palpitations and I am sweaty  ::) but I will do it - for my children. Seeing the impact behaviour like this has on children was a real eye opener for me, and for that I thank everyone who replied to my thread.

I will let you know how it went tomorrow.

You can do it! When she tries to lay on the guilt (and she will), keep repeating, "It's just not working, Carla," and "It's not going to be possible anymore." Don't feel like you have to explain exactly how it's not working, because she'll try to argue you out of every single point you make. And whenever you start second-guessing yourself, remember that she bursts in on your showers, and that one of these days, you'll snap and strangle her with the shower curtain. Is it really worth the jail time?
William wondered why he always disliked people who said "no offense meant." Maybe it was because they found it easier to say "no offense meant" than actually to refrain from giving offense.

--Terry Pratchett, The Truth

JoyinVirginia

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #57 on: April 13, 2011, 12:18:37 AM »
I will have her over for a cup of coffee and gently explain that it is.just.not.working. I am going to say that is no longer possible for me to give her a lift every day
Gently is not going to get thru to Carla. BLUNT is the way to go. Like other posters recommend, have your phrase ready, practice in the mirror, and keep repeating it if she raises any objections.
Don't forget to lock your doors!

Baxter

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*? Stupid update p4
« Reply #58 on: April 13, 2011, 01:17:15 AM »
Stranger, honestly, though I admire you for wanting to break in gently, I wouldn't do it from in your home. It will be hard to extract yourself when she tries to lay on the guilt trip. Do it from her door, that way if she tries to protest you can repeat 'I'm afraid that won't be possible. Oh, look, the cat's on fire, must run!' and you can walk away. You can't walk away from her in your own house, cause she like, follows you everywhere.

This is an excellent point Azrail, Stranger make sure you are sitting or standing on your front step/verandah/driveway when she gets there or better yet do as Azrail says and go to her house.  Do not let Carla into your home.

cicero

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Re: You want me to give you a ride *every day*????
« Reply #59 on: April 13, 2011, 01:54:36 AM »
I chickened out  :( The suggestions in the thread is *brilliant* and I know that I have to have this talk. But I chickened out this morning.

*sigh*

My resolution is to have the chat with her tomorrow, as I don't work on Thursdays. I will have her over for a cup of coffee and gently explain that it is.just.not.working. I am going to say that is no longer possible for me to give her a lift every day, but that I will collect her and Damien from home IF it rains. (thereby removing the need to come to my house in the mornings)

The thought of doing this is giving me heart palpitations and I am sweaty  ::) but I will do it - for my children. Seeing the impact behaviour like this has on children was a real eye opener for me, and for that I thank everyone who replied to my thread.

I will let you know how it went tomorrow.
stranger - remember when we were little and had to have a bandaid pulled off? it hurt, right? but really - just for a second. pulling it off slowly didn't help, probably hurt more that way. the yanking is the way to do it. you yank - you scream - it's over. do you remember the pain now? probably not.

having her over for coffee and gently breaking the *news* to her? that's really not going to work. I understand and appreciate how difficult this is for you - but this is like the bandaid thing. you can pull it off slowly, or yank - the yanking gets it over faster and with less pain. (and no, not always, but in *this* case - yes).

You need to understand that the problem here is this neighbor - not you. *you* aren't the bad guy here, *you* are trying to be nice, but in trying to be nice to your neighbor, you are forgetting to be nice to yourself (and your family).

Give yourself a gift today. Give yourself the gift to take something for yourself - without feeling bad without feeling guilty. You aren't even taking something *extra*; all you want to do is take back control over your home/car/mornings. do it - for you. for your family. don't invite her over for coffee (and if you did, then call and cancel and then leave the house). just tell her on the phone that you can't drive her anymore. if you want to be nice and drive them when it rians - then tell her you will pick them up at X o'clock, they should be waiting for you in the door way, if they're not there - you don't wait for them.

and huge hugs. i know how hard it is to stand up for yourself. I used to be a doormat. but you have no idea what a gift it is for yourself, and how empowering it is for you and your children, when you allow yourself to stand up for yourself.


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