Danika, the only thing I would changed in your email was to say, "I am upset" (about the haircut) rather than "I was upset," but it's a small thing.
Great idea, thanks. I'll send the email tomorrow.
I think the point is not the haircut or the baptism, though; it's that Grandma is deliberately doing things to/with the grandchildren that she knows--that any reasonable person would know--her daughter doesn't want done. There is a pattern of defiance and undermining in her behavior; and when confronted, she gets defensive instead of apologizing, and the next time the opportunity arises, she does what she wants again instead of stopping to think about her daughter's wishes.Exactly!!!
That's what I've been trying to articulate! Thank you for saying that. I kept trying to think of what auntmeegs said about the "'we're all in it together' style," and trying to think that maybe my mother just wasn't thinking. But it was when I told her several times, and underscored for her how upset I was that I realized that my mother just doesn't care about my feelings. She wasn't surprised that I was upset. She wasn't apologetic at all.
For the first several decades of my life, I always put my mother's feelings far above my own. Since she treated me horribly during my engagement (she refused to acknowledge I was marrying my husband because she wanted me to marry another wealthier friend of mine), I have put mine slightly above hers, when it comes to my own life. This has finally made me realize that I just don't care if she doesn't *get* it. The fact that *I* am upset, should be enough for her to apologize profusely and worry about my feelings. She can't do that, so I'm going to stop telling myself that maybe things aren't that big of a deal as I'm making them out to be.
And I will update you all with her response. I'm sure there will be drama. I'm curious to know if she will email me back freaking out or wait until we see her again in person and try to get my dad to join her in dogpiling me. I predict the latter.
I just had an idea... Is it possible that your youngest got his hands on the scissors, and cut his hair himself? Or that a sibling did it, and your Mom is telling you that SHE cut his hair, because she doesn't want you to know that she left the scissors out where the kids could reach them?
It's a stretch, but knowing how kids are, it's also a possibility. Heck, when I was in high school, a classmate came to school with her hair butchered because her baby sister (age 2) had managed to her hands on a pair of scissors and gave my classmate a haircut while she was sleeping.
He couldn't have done it himself because he turned one two weeks ago and he's still only standing, not walking yet. My 3 year old would probably have accidentally done him more harm, had she had the scissors in her hands. I did question the 3 year old, mainly to determine if my father was in the room when it happened, and what room the hair cut was in, etc. She would have told me had she had the scissors. But mainly, your good theory is debunked by the fact that my mother wouldn't fall on her own sword to cover for the 3 year old. She'd tell me the truth in that case. Or would at least unconvincingly