Grandma gave grandson his first haircut wo asking - updates 102 120 131 214

[Carnation]

There was a couple in the news who took their granddaughter to get her first haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes, etc.

The reason they were in the news was because the parents said "enough already" and denied them any contact with their granddaughter. The grandparents sued for visitation all the way to the state supreme court.

They lost.

All over a haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes.

Etc.

[Nora]

Oh wow. Just wow.

That's like they wanted the grandchild to be their child. A case of wanting to do it "right" this time around?

[evely28]

There was a couple in the news who took their granddaughter to get her first haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes, etc.

The reason they were in the news was because the parents said "enough already" and denied them any contact with their granddaughter. The grandparents sued for visitation all the way to the state supreme court.

They lost.

All over a haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes.

Etc.

Are you saying that you think the parents should have shrugged their shoulders and accepted Grandma and Grandpa for who they are or do you think the parents were correct in standing up for their child?

[JenJay]

There was a couple in the news who took their granddaughter to get her first haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes, etc.

The reason they were in the news was because the parents said "enough already" and denied them any contact with their granddaughter. The grandparents sued for visitation all the way to the state supreme court.

They lost.

All over a haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes.

Etc.

Are you saying that you think the parents should have shrugged their shoulders and accepted Grandma and Grandpa for who they are or do you think the parents were correct in standing up for their child?

I took the post to mean "These people lost any possibility of a relationship with their grandkids because they had to be greedy with the first shoes, trip to Santa, haircut, etc. If only they'd respected the parents' wishes when they said "Stop! Or else!" the custody issue would never have happened."

[JenJay]

I just found this thread and was about to post "I'm afraid you'll have to choose between being respected or having your Mom in your kids' lives in a meaningful way, because you aren't going to get both." but I read on and saw your email - which is perfect. I hope she comes to her senses. 

[evely28]

There was a couple in the news who took their granddaughter to get her first haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes, etc.

The reason they were in the news was because the parents said "enough already" and denied them any contact with their granddaughter. The grandparents sued for visitation all the way to the state supreme court.

They lost.

All over a haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes.

Etc.

Are you saying that you think the parents should have shrugged their shoulders and accepted Grandma and Grandpa for who they are or do you think the parents were correct in standing up for their child?

I took the post to mean "These people lost any possibility of a relationship with their grandkids because they had to be greedy with the first shoes, trip to Santa, haircut, etc. If only they'd respected the parents' wishes when they said "Stop! Or else!" the custody issue would never have happened."

Oh got it. I love Carnations humor and I usually get it. This morning I've been in "literal" mode Sorry Carnation.

[Doll Fiend]

Oh wow. Just wow.

That's like they wanted the grandchild to be their child. A case of wanting to do it "right" this time around?

I must say that when I first read the OP's post this is what I felt. I have seen this happen where grandparents try to raise their grandkids as if they were their own children. Yes it has led to either supervised visits or even the direct cut.

[Petticoats]

<snip>
For the first several decades of my life, I always put my mother's feelings far above my own. Since she treated me horribly during my engagement (she refused to acknowledge I was marrying my husband because she wanted me to marry another wealthier friend of mine), I have put mine slightly above hers, when it comes to my own life. This has finally made me realize that I just don't care if she doesn't *get* it. The fact that *I* am upset, should be enough for her to apologize profusely and worry about my feelings. She can't do that, so I'm going to stop telling myself that maybe things aren't that big of a deal as I'm making them out to be.

Danika, this is absolutely the crux! Your mother should respect your feelings as a mother (heck, and your feelings as her child, for that matter), whatever the parenting issue.


Please do keep us updated. I think your email is excellent, and I hope it gets good results.

[Carnation]

There was a couple in the news who took their granddaughter to get her first haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes, etc.

The reason they were in the news was because the parents said "enough already" and denied them any contact with their granddaughter. The grandparents sued for visitation all the way to the state supreme court.

They lost.

All over a haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes.

Etc.

Are you saying that you think the parents should have shrugged their shoulders and accepted Grandma and Grandpa for who they are or do you think the parents were correct in standing up for their child?

I took the post to mean "These people lost any possibility of a relationship with their grandkids because they had to be greedy with the first shoes, trip to Santa, haircut, etc. If only they'd respected the parents' wishes when they said "Stop! Or else!" the custody issue would never have happened."

Oh got it. I love Carnations humor and I usually get it. This morning I've been in "literal" mode Sorry Carnation.

Seriously, I wasn't being humorous, I am shaking my head over the grandparents behaving in such an outrageous, egregious manner that the parents had felt compelled to deny visitation at all.


This wasn't a one time incident.  They ignored the parents wishes until enough was enough.

[iradney]

I would also like to add this:

Gmom doesn't respect Mom's rights or feelings at all. Who's to say she'll respect those of her Gkids? I'm not crying abuse, but I can easily imagine Gmom telling Gkid "I don't care if you want carrots, you're getting peas because I say so!"
Combine that with seeing Gmom disrespect Mom, and the Gkids are going to grow up thinking that love = subjugating yourself to the dominant person's wants and needs.

[Lisbeth]

With someone who doesn't respect your boundaries, the only way to deal with them is not to allow them into positions where they can ignore them.

If my parents cut my child's hair without my permission, they would not be seeing him/her again unsupervised.

[Danika]

There was a couple in the news who took their granddaughter to get her first haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes, etc.

The reason they were in the news was because the parents said "enough already" and denied them any contact with their granddaughter. The grandparents sued for visitation all the way to the state supreme court.

They lost.

All over a haircut, visit to Santa, first shoes.

Etc.

I'm glad you told me this. It confirms I'm not making a mountain out of a mole hill.

The email is sent!

[PinkWildRose]

Good for you, Danika!  You are standing up for your kids and for your right to be respected as an adult and as a mother.  I tip my virtual hat to you.

[Danika]

Good for you, Danika!  You are standing up for your kids and for your right to be respected as an adult and as a mother.  I tip my virtual hat to you.

Thank you, PinkWildRose. I've read many of your posts and respect you very much, so that means a lot to me. 

[wheeitsme]

I'm glad you sent the email.  If you make firm boundries now, that your mom understands you enforce, your kids might have a better chance of having a healthy relationship with their g'ma.  And you won't have those things are important to you taken away from you.