Does your back hurt because you have big boobs?

[NotTheNarcissist]

Yes, this was asked of me.

Once upon a time, I was in a clothing store paying for something. My boundary-trampling SIL (46 yo) says that her cousin is having surgery to reduce the size of her breasts. She stated she could not understand why? Finally, she said, oh so matter-of-factly, genuinely curious, "Does your back hurt because you have big boobs?"

I stood there stunned Today I am more bold, but that day, I was not, and I just said "uh...no" and shook my head shocked at the incredible heights and depths of her rudeness, which knows no bounds.

[Ms_Shell]

Eh, this wouldn't faze me in the slightest.  It sounds like she wanted an answer to understand her friend's reasoning.  As someone with a large chest and back pain to match, I've thought about having it done more than once myself.   

[NotTheNarcissist]

Eh, this wouldn't faze me in the slightest.  It sounds like she wanted an answer to understand her friend's reasoning.  As someone with a large chest and back pain to match, I've thought about having it done more than once myself.   

I don't get it...I find it rude.

If I could think faster I would have said something like "Is your brain light since it's empty?" but that in itself is pretty rude too.

[Wittyone]

Welcome to the forum!  


Although it was a tactless way to ask, I agree with Ms. Shell.  It sounds like she wasn't trying to be rude, just understanding her cousins reasons for surgery, which is a very common reason for that type of surgery.  I don't blame you if you didn't answer, especially in a store, where anyone else could overhear.  I probably would have just given her a raised eyebrow and bean dipped.

[leafeater]

There are people I would be OK with asking me this (such as my MIL) and people I wouldn't be OK with (my boss).  People draw their boundaries in different places.

[Ms_Shell]

Is there a specific reason why?

I wouldn't find it insulting because, well, I do have a large chest, and it does make my back hurt.  I'd just tell her what I posted here - that yes, it does hurt sometimes, and that I've thought about having the surgery myself.  Of course tone and delivery do play a part on whether something comes off as snarky or not.

[Shoo]

Was she asking you if YOUR back hurt because you have really big boobs?  Or was she just asking a general question because she was trying to understand why someone might choose breast reduction surgery?  I'm guessing the latter....    So, no, I don't think that's rude.  It's inquisitive.

[Ceiling Fan]

Hmm, I don't know. Was this a general 'you' or a specific one?

General seems pretty normal "Do people with large boobs have back problems?", specific 'you' it does seem rude to say "Do you have a medical issue because of X factor?" I mean you wouldn't ask an overweight person if they were diabetic, right?  

[Eisa]

I would...also find that rude, but I'm not entirely sure I could articulate why I do. Maybe because of boundaries and not having a close relationship or something? I don't know, it just seems from my perspective, that the only people I would be ok with asking that question already know my boobs make my back hurt. I whine about it.

[NotTheNarcissist]

Was she asking you if YOUR back hurt because you have really big boobs?  Or was she just asking a general question because she was trying to understand why someone might choose breast reduction surgery?  I'm guessing the latter....    So, no, I don't think that's rude.  It's inquisitive.

Yes folks... she was asking me personally. "Does your back hurt because you have big boobs?" [ver batim]

And, no, we are not close in anyway.

Among many other things, I have seen her go through her nephew's wallet while he was in the shower, deny her sister medication in order to make her suffer, and lie to her husband repeatedly. So I keep my distance from her.

[Ceiling Fan]

Was she asking you if YOUR back hurt because you have really big boobs?  Or was she just asking a general question because she was trying to understand why someone might choose breast reduction surgery?  I'm guessing the latter....    So, no, I don't think that's rude.  It's inquisitive.

Yes folks... she was asking me personally. "Does your back hurt because you have big boobs?" [ver batim]

And, no, we are not close in anyway.

Among many other things, I have seen her go through her nephew's wallet while he was in the shower, deny her sister medication in order to make her suffer, and lie to her husband repeatedly. So I keep my distance from her.

Sounds the right idea.

[Shoo]

Was she asking you if YOUR back hurt because you have really big boobs?  Or was she just asking a general question because she was trying to understand why someone might choose breast reduction surgery?  I'm guessing the latter....    So, no, I don't think that's rude.  It's inquisitive.

Yes folks... she was asking me personally. "Does your back hurt because you have big boobs?" [ver batim]

And, no, we are not close in anyway.

Among many other things, I have seen her go through her nephew's wallet while he was in the shower, deny her sister medication in order to make her suffer, and lie to her husband repeatedly. So I keep my distance from her.

Well, then, I think that since she's not someone you're close to, that's a rather personal question!  I do think it's rude to ask people personal questions when they do not have the kind of relationship that allows for it.  Like best friends, sisters, etc.

[MrsJWine]

This depends entirely on the relationship and the personalities of the people involved.  In this case, it was rude--overly familiar and crass.  If my SIL asked me this, I wouldn't even blink an eye.  We're not super close, but we have an easy, familiar relationship.  When we do hang out and talk, things like this come up all the time.

[O'Dell]

This depends entirely on the relationship and the personalities of the people involved.  In this case, it was rude--overly familiar and crass.  If my SIL asked me this, I wouldn't even blink an eye.  We're not super close, but we have an easy, familiar relationship.  When we do hang out and talk, things like this come up all the time.

Ditto...especially with the update with examples of boundary trampling. I keep my distance and not give her any personal info as well.

[lilfox]

To me it's the equivalent of unwanted attention.  She may have been sincerely curious but I think the context (public), the way she asked (crude), and the person she asked (not a close friend/relative) make it rude.

It would be equally rude if she'd asked what cup size or clothing size or underwear style preference.  Genuine curiosity is not excused.

In the context of a private conversation between two close people who know each other to be okay sharing that kind of information, not rude.