Three's a crowd?

[LifeOnPluto]

BACKGROUND: I am currently back in my Home City for a couple of weeks. I have been spending a lot of time with my two best Home City friends, "Mike" and "Lisa". I have known Mike for nearly 5 years, and Lisa for about 2.5. Lisa is a good friend, but I am closer to Mike than I am to her, by virtue of the fact I have known him longer and have more in common with him.

Lisa has a long-term, blatantly-obvious crush on Mike (eg she has taken up all his hobbies, she always sits next to him whenever we go out, even does some of his chores when she is over at his house etc etc). Mike has informed me he sees her as a friend, but nonetheless, she and Mike spend a lot of time together when I am in my City I Normally Live In (which is about 48 weeks of the year). I have no "designs" on Mike and just see him as a friend.

THE ISSUE: I want to spend some time with Mike 1-on-1. As mentioned above, I am closer to him than Lisa, and I miss the times we used to hang out, just the two of us. But I want to do so in a way that doesn't upset Lisa. So far this hasn't been easy, as Mike and Lisa (mainly Lisa) have planned heaps of stuff for the three of us to do during my visit, so there hasn't really been any time to get Mike on his own, or arrange anything.

My plan is to maybe call Mike at home and ask him to do something 1-on-1 next week. My concern is that Lisa will invariably ask "so guys, what are we doing on (X) day?" and we'll have to tell her that we're doing something, just the two of us.

So is there any polite way I can handle this? Is there any polite way I can tell Lisa that just once, I'd like to spend some time alone with Mike without her around? And if Lisa hints that she'd love to come along, is there anyway I can defuse it?

Sorry if this all sounds so juvenile; we are in our 20s!

[FoxPaws]

Does Lisa work or have a standing appointment or prior commitment (like an exercise class or a family gathering) that you could arrange your 1-on-1 time around?

Could you suggest to her that you would like to spend some individual time with each of them, making it clear that you do not have romantic designs on Mike?

Could you and Mike plan an activity that doesn't accomodate a third person well (like a tennis game)?

It sounds as though you are really trying not to cause a misunderstanding or hurt feelings. That isn't juvenile - it's kind.

[willow08]

It's a little juvenile (holds up fingers to measure "this" much.) but you're entitled to one-on-one time with your friends. Lisa shouldn't use you as an avenue to spend time with Mike.

Tell Mike how you feel. Ask him not to tell Lisa what you're up to because it would hurt her feelings. Meanwhile, let Lisa know that you are not interested in Mike that way. And be sure to spend time one-on-one with her as well.

[sweedetobee]

The situation is juvenile but you don't sound juvenile

I'm in my 30s and I have the same sort of situation - there are 3 of us that hang out and sometimes 2 of the 3 want to do something. We just make our own plans and don't advertise to the 3rd (sometimes I am the 3rd and sometimes another person is).

I would talk to Mike about it and if he wants to do something one on one I'd plan it. Then i'd just tell Lisa I was busy that day.  I would not start out saying that I had one on one plans with Mike.

If she persisted I'd tell her that Mike and I are going to do X as you'd like to hang out one on one but that you were hoping to do something with just her too another day (of course then you'd have to actually want to do that..).  If she is REALLY your friend she'll get over it. Yes her feelings may be hurt but I think that will be more because of her crush.

[LifeOnPluto]

Thanks for the replies, guys. You all advocated spending 1-on-1 time with Mike AND Lisa, and that is a good idea.

Since I have been home, Mike and Lisa have organised a couple of things, just the two of them (mainly at Lisa's instigation) without me. Kind of sucked, since they can spend 1-on-1 time with each other anytime, yet I am only home for a couple of weeks every year. So hopefully neither of them will complain if I want to spend 1-on-1 time with each of them.

Lisa has to work next week, so I'll try and schedule some 1-on-1 time with Mike then. My main issue is that if she finds out, she'll be hurt, but at the risk of sounding harsh, I guess I can't really help that...