by Stephenie Meyer--a pathetic doormat must decide whether the emotionally abusive pedophile vampire or the emotionally abusive pedophile werewolf will run her life. Awesome.
Actually I made it about 200 pages into the first book which is nothing but page after page after page describing how beautiful, perfect, angelic, divine, exquisite, radiant, stunning, wonderful and dazzling that creepy control-freak Lord Stalker McSparklepants is. That's followed by page after page after page describing every last nanosecond of Princess Zoloft McAirhead's rather mundane days. Do I really need to know what she makes for dinner every night? It's rather amazing that Charlie didn't starve to death before Bella moved back in. I'm told a plot finally falls out of the sky around page 400, but I'm not going back to find out. In The Cut
by Susanna Moore--violent, sleazy pornographic trash that tries to pretend it's a gritty, erotic murder mystery, featuring the most blindingly stupid "heroine" to grace the pages of a book before Bella Swan came along.Isle of Dogs
by Patricia Cornwell--Cornwell tries to write black comedy and fails really really badly
. Some reviews compare it to Carl Hiaasen, which is an insult to Carl Hiaasen. See, Carl Hiaasen can write black comedy and write it well. Patricia Cornwell couldn't write black comedy if it meant the firing squad. Features characters blessed with such names as Trish Thrash, Unique First, Major Trader, Hooter Shook. One chapter features talking crabs and fish, another has a dog that can type. No, really. Just go check out all the one-star reviews at Amazon.com if you want a good laugh. They're way more entertaining than the book!