well, THAT was the worst book ever!

[snowflake]

Well, I finally found something I hate more than Twilight! Surprise, it's based on Twilight.

Fifty Shades of Grey, you are a terrible, badly-written, sloppy, train wreck of a waste of paper. Alternative lifestyles are not for everyone, but they are not abuse (which your relationship is), and they are not all products of damaged people who just need wuv and cuddles and BABIES for healing.

Also, a guy who likes to beat you because you look like his mom and he gets his jollies that way is a guy to run away from as fast as you can, no matter how rich and how pretty he is.

Ewwwwwww. So glad I skipped that.

Ditto.

Based on the "hot" books of the past couple years, I've decided to write a romance novel. Its gonna be baaaad. I won't stop until it is. I think it might get me published.

I didn't read 50 shades because I was warned by a friend.  Friend loves Twilight.  Friend loves...um...exuberant Scrabble.  Friend told me that she had never read anything so unexciting.

I love the idea of a love story.  I like Scrabble in books.  But romances rarely do anything for me.  I think it has to do with too much talk about how hot the lead is and not so many truly swoon-worthy gestures.

In most books, the leads have no life at all.  Well, unless it's to mention that the leads are involved in an absolutely selfless profession.  (Yawn.) Most of the book is taken up with interactions between the couple which is often petty bickering to make it "intense." They end up making out or Scrabbling over it.  Ugh.  I have to admit that pettiness is just a huge turn-off for me. 

[Specky]

I had Joan Didion's "Slouching Towards Bethlehem" inflicted upon me as a college freshman.   I can't even pick up a book written by her without shuddering.

[Kendo_Bunny]

Ewwwwwww. So glad I skipped that.

Ditto.

Based on the "hot" books of the past couple years, I've decided to write a romance novel. Its gonna be baaaad. I won't stop until it is. I think it might get me published.

I didn't read 50 shades because I was warned by a friend.  Friend loves Twilight.  Friend loves...um...exuberant Scrabble.  Friend told me that she had never read anything so unexciting.

I love the idea of a love story.  I like Scrabble in books.  But romances rarely do anything for me.  I think it has to do with too much talk about how hot the lead is and not so many truly swoon-worthy gestures.

In most books, the leads have no life at all.  Well, unless it's to mention that the leads are involved in an absolutely selfless profession.  (Yawn.) Most of the book is taken up with interactions between the couple which is often petty bickering to make it "intense." They end up making out or Scrabbling over it.  Ugh.  I have to admit that pettiness is just a huge turn-off for me.

Even worse, Ana Steele is even worse than Bella. Bella is an ungrateful brat, while Ana is outright hostile towards anyone who does anything nice for her ever. I'm reading a sporking with quotes directly from the book, and apparently Ana is furious that her roommate (who is incredibly rich, supportive, and kind, and lets her live practically rent-free) is wearing ugly pajamas. She just can't face it. 

[Nika]

Ewwwwwww. So glad I skipped that.

Ditto.

Based on the "hot" books of the past couple years, I've decided to write a romance novel. Its gonna be baaaad. I won't stop until it is. I think it might get me published.

I didn't read 50 shades because I was warned by a friend.  Friend loves Twilight.  Friend loves...um...exuberant Scrabble.  Friend told me that she had never read anything so unexciting.

I love the idea of a love story.  I like Scrabble in books.  But romances rarely do anything for me.  I think it has to do with too much talk about how hot the lead is and not so many truly swoon-worthy gestures.

In most books, the leads have no life at all.  Well, unless it's to mention that the leads are involved in an absolutely selfless profession.  (Yawn.) Most of the book is taken up with interactions between the couple which is often petty bickering to make it "intense." They end up making out or Scrabbling over it.  Ugh.  I have to admit that pettiness is just a huge turn-off for me.

Even worse, Ana Steele is even worse than Bella. Bella is an ungrateful brat, while Ana is outright hostile towards anyone who does anything nice for her ever. I'm reading a sporking with quotes directly from the book, and apparently Ana is furious that her roommate (who is incredibly rich, supportive, and kind, and lets her live practically rent-free) is wearing ugly pajamas. She just can't face it. 

A sporking you say? And yet you did not let anyone know where to find said sporking? 

[Kendo_Bunny]

http://jenniferarmintrout.blogspot.com/p/jen-reads-50-shades-of-grey.html?zx=99389c13f686a8a4 There's quite a bit of adult language, but very little of it comes from the actual book.

[Snooks]

http://jenniferarmintrout.blogspot.com/p/jen-reads-50-shades-of-grey.html?zx=99389c13f686a8a4 There's quite a bit of adult language, but very little of it comes from the actual book.

I'm only half way through the first chapter summary and I'm trying to suppress my giggles, this is not suitable to be read in a place with any other people.

[Winterlight]

It's also being sporked on LJ- profanely and hilariously.

http://das-sporking.livejournal.com/242338.html

[Black Delphinium]

I tried reading the synopsis, I couldn't finish it.

[purplemuse]

I just read The Magic Circle by Katherine Neville.  It's not a bad story but...

That final scene?  A breathtaking fight that is made all the more suspenseful because they might go over the horrible, deadly, perilous waterfall!

(spoiler) They do. 

And nothing bad happens to either of them. 

Um, that was pretty lame.

Funny-- before I read this, I was already considering posting about one of her other novels, The Eight, and for a similar reason. The characters spend the whole book tracking down the MacGuffin, and when they finally get hold of it, instead of anything interesting happening, they basically decide: "Yeah, let's go home and not do anything with this."

The odd thing was, I loved the story, and was considering reading more of her books until the ending fell flat. And from what you say, it sounds like a common problem for her.

[lollylegs]

Ewwwwwww. So glad I skipped that.

Ditto.

Based on the "hot" books of the past couple years, I've decided to write a romance novel. Its gonna be baaaad. I won't stop until it is. I think it might get me published.

I didn't read 50 shades because I was warned by a friend.  Friend loves Twilight.  Friend loves...um...exuberant Scrabble.  Friend told me that she had never read anything so unexciting.

I love the idea of a love story.  I like Scrabble in books.  But romances rarely do anything for me.  I think it has to do with too much talk about how hot the lead is and not so many truly swoon-worthy gestures.

In most books, the leads have no life at all.  Well, unless it's to mention that the leads are involved in an absolutely selfless profession.  (Yawn.) Most of the book is taken up with interactions between the couple which is often petty bickering to make it "intense." They end up making out or Scrabbling over it.  Ugh.  I have to admit that pettiness is just a huge turn-off for me.

Even worse, Ana Steele is even worse than Bella. Bella is an ungrateful brat, while Ana is outright hostile towards anyone who does anything nice for her ever. I'm reading a sporking with quotes directly from the book, and apparently Ana is furious that her roommate (who is incredibly rich, supportive, and kind, and lets her live practically rent-free) is wearing ugly pajamas. She just can't face it. 

A sporking you say? And yet you did not let anyone know where to find said sporking? 

Agreed. Link please?  Apparently reading comprehension isn't my forte today.

[artk2002]

Marrion Zimmer Bradley's The Mists of Avalon.  I despised that book - it's a female-centric retelling of the Arthurian legend cycle.  I was going to say feminist, but it's really not.  The women aren't empowered, just enamored of their menstrual cycle and having babies.

No argument there. I have had trouble with a lot of MZB's writing, but that one was particularly bad. I kept getting the feeling that she believed it to be true, not fiction.

Any of Andre Norton's older work.  Her more recent novels are good, but her early stuff is written in the most ponderous, formal fashion.

Sacrilege!  I found the very late stuff (mostly co-written) to be unreadable, but the earlier works very good. The Zero Stone was the very first Sci-Fi book I ever read. I have a copy of The People of the Crater which was her very first published work. It is a bit ponderous, but it reflects her predecessors like H. Rider Haggard and A. Merritt in that "lost world" style.

[Giggity]

http://jenniferarmintrout.blogspot.com/p/jen-reads-50-shades-of-grey.html?zx=99389c13f686a8a4 There's quite a bit of adult language, but very little of it comes from the actual book.

You know what that is? 47 hues of awesome, that's what.

[Martienne]

I agree with those who commented on Wicked, mainly because I feel like it was trying way too hard to make everything about sex. Which really surprised me, considering it's a fanfiction of a children's story, essentially.

This surprises you? Fanfiction seems to be 80% naughty fics about children's fandoms. (not all of it is bad either. I've found some that the authors should seriously devote a little time to something publishable, they had the skillz!) Then there is the 18% that seems to be primarily mary sues. 2% is kinda readable and contains no sex. I tend to hope mine falls into the 2%.

Well, yes, but I wouldn't expect that type of derivative work of a children's book to get permission from owners of the original to publish. That's why I didn't expect it to have that sort of content. If it had been published online, well, anything goes in that case.

[MommyPenguin]

I haven't read the book this reviewer is talking about, but the review is utterly hilarious.  And the book sounds awesomely bad.  http://tapeflags.blogspot.com/2012/06/book-so-bad-that-once-you-start.html

[Ereine]

I agree with those who commented on Wicked, mainly because I feel like it was trying way too hard to make everything about sex. Which really surprised me, considering it's a fanfiction of a children's story, essentially.

This surprises you? Fanfiction seems to be 80% naughty fics about children's fandoms. (not all of it is bad either. I've found some that the authors should seriously devote a little time to something publishable, they had the skillz!) Then there is the 18% that seems to be primarily mary sues. 2% is kinda readable and contains no sex. I tend to hope mine falls into the 2%.

Well, yes, but I wouldn't expect that type of derivative work of a children's book to get permission from owners of the original to publish. That's why I didn't expect it to have that sort of content. If it had been published online, well, anything goes in that case.

Well, the original books are in the public domain so stopping the book is as easy as stopping abusing Jane Austen with zombies.