Author Topic: well, THAT was the worst book ever!  (Read 145103 times)

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Diane AKA Traska

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1740 on: September 19, 2012, 10:56:27 PM »
Err, Mary Jane is weed.  Mary Sue is author insertion/wish fulfillment. 

One bad book for me:  Confederacy of Dunces.  I read the first 50 pages or so of it and put it down and never picked it up again.  My soon-to-be-ex had been raving about how great it was, but I didn't find it particularly engaging.  Actually, I don't even remember much of it now - I seem to have developed an ability to block out entertainment that I didn't enjoy.

I love that book! It is hilarious.

Duly noted :) I'll fix it up. I have no idea why I wrote Mary Sue- I think I'm just a bit brain snapped with my final year essays!

Bringing it all full-circle... there *is* Mary-Jane Watson, who's been connected to Spider-Man for decades.
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Kendo_Bunny

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1741 on: September 20, 2012, 01:18:05 PM »
Err, Mary Jane is weed.  Mary Sue is author insertion/wish fulfillment. 

One bad book for me:  Confederacy of Dunces.  I read the first 50 pages or so of it and put it down and never picked it up again.  My soon-to-be-ex had been raving about how great it was, but I didn't find it particularly engaging.  Actually, I don't even remember much of it now - I seem to have developed an ability to block out entertainment that I didn't enjoy.

I love that book! It is hilarious.

I tried to read it because I had heard how hilarious it was. I just found it skin-crawlingly unpleasant.

violinp

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1742 on: September 20, 2012, 09:18:03 PM »
My first romance novel, while still entertaining to me, still has some truly brain - hurty moments.

I'm pretty sure that if a man asks his brothers - in - law for advice on the woman he's being forced to marry (historical romance) because she's annoying him and, from his perspective, being a bit of a shrew, his brothers - in - law are probably not going to say, "Eh, get married to her. It couldn't hurt - maybe the woman will be good for you." Um, what? If the woman is completely odious to him, I'm pretty sure that "it couldn't hurt" is not the best answer.

I could think of many other things to say: "Tough luck, old boy" or "Are you really sure she's that odious?" come to mind, not "Oh, that annoying person is a good wife for you because she has money! I'm sure that my advice won't totally backfire and put you in a hellish marriage, hating yourself, your wife, and the people who suggested you marry this woman!"
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Elfmama

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1743 on: September 20, 2012, 09:52:58 PM »
 I can't believe I haven't posted about this one yet!

A bodice-ripper of such appalling badness that it has stuck in memory for a good 15 years or more: The Princess and the Pirate.

The author's main premise was that the attendant of a princess is called a 'countess' because it is her job to count how many times the princess was alone with a man overnight.   ("One!  One overnight with the Pirate!  Two, two overnights with the Pirate!  Ahaha!" *lightning crashes*)  If the count reached 7 with any one man, the princess would be forced to marry him.   And then, of course, the author tortured the plot until the princess reached the requisite number of nights with the Pirate in the title.

What, diplomatic marriage, you say?  Betrothal while the child is still in the cradle?  Piffle, mere piffle.  We'll just handwave that away.  After all, if a betrothal existed, no prince would want her after the pirate had 7 chances to boink the poor girl, so we'll just pretend things like that never existed.  ::)
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violinp

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1744 on: September 20, 2012, 10:07:39 PM »
I can't believe I haven't posted about this one yet!

A bodice-ripper of such appalling badness that it has stuck in memory for a good 15 years or more: The Princess and the Pirate.

The author's main premise was that the attendant of a princess is called a 'countess' because it is her job to count how many times the princess was alone with a man overnight.   ("One!  One overnight with the Pirate!  Two, two overnights with the Pirate!  Ahaha!" *lightning crashes*)  If the count reached 7 with any one man, the princess would be forced to marry him.   And then, of course, the author tortured the plot until the princess reached the requisite number of nights with the Pirate in the title.

What, diplomatic marriage, you say?  Betrothal while the child is still in the cradle?  Piffle, mere piffle.  We'll just handwave that away.  After all, if a betrothal existed, no prince would want her after the pirate had 7 chances to boink the poor girl, so we'll just pretend things like that never existed.  ::)

Ahahahaha!
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lady_disdain

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1745 on: September 20, 2012, 10:41:49 PM »
I can't believe I haven't posted about this one yet!

A bodice-ripper of such appalling badness that it has stuck in memory for a good 15 years or more: The Princess and the Pirate.

The author's main premise was that the attendant of a princess is called a 'countess' because it is her job to count how many times the princess was alone with a man overnight.   ("One!  One overnight with the Pirate!  Two, two overnights with the Pirate!  Ahaha!" *lightning crashes*)  If the count reached 7 with any one man, the princess would be forced to marry him.   And then, of course, the author tortured the plot until the princess reached the requisite number of nights with the Pirate in the title.

What, diplomatic marriage, you say?  Betrothal while the child is still in the cradle?  Piffle, mere piffle.  We'll just handwave that away.  After all, if a betrothal existed, no prince would want her after the pirate had 7 chances to boink the poor girl, so we'll just pretend things like that never existed.  ::)

"She slept with the pirate only 6 times? She is a fine gal and I will have her. What? She slept with another guy? How many time? Only 6? Phew! You scared me for a minute - from the way you said it, I thought she had slept with him, like, 7 times. But it was only 6. That is fine. I don't care how many guys she slept with, just how many times she slept with each, because that is what makes a nice girl."

A more mathematical approach. If a princess is reasonably "chaste" and wants to get married, then the rule will lead her to sleep with a few guys, choose one and do the nasty 7 times with him. Now, suppose the princess doesn't want to get married but has a healthy libido. Then, either there are lots of cold showers in her future or she will sleep with a lot of guys 6 times. The minimum case scenario, she sleeps with no one and is unmarried or she sleeps with one guy and marries him. In the maximum case, she goes bed hopping.

Pippen

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1746 on: September 20, 2012, 10:53:11 PM »
Err, Mary Jane is weed.  Mary Sue is author insertion/wish fulfillment. 

One bad book for me:  Confederacy of Dunces.  I read the first 50 pages or so of it and put it down and never picked it up again.  My soon-to-be-ex had been raving about how great it was, but I didn't find it particularly engaging.  Actually, I don't even remember much of it now - I seem to have developed an ability to block out entertainment that I didn't enjoy.

I love that book! It is hilarious.

I tried to read it because I had heard how hilarious it was. I just found it skin-crawlingly unpleasant.

The first part is setting out his noxious character but the dialogue gets a lot better and it picks up pace.

Kendo_Bunny

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1747 on: September 20, 2012, 10:58:10 PM »
I got about halfway through, and still every single character made me want to disinfect myself. Maybe it's because stupid people doing stupid things that make everyone around them miserable has never amused me, and a book where every single character is doing that just strikes me as horrible, not funny.

To each their own. Some of the things that leave me in stitches probably leave you shaking your head in disbelief.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1748 on: September 21, 2012, 10:40:46 AM »
I can't believe I haven't posted about this one yet!

A bodice-ripper of such appalling badness that it has stuck in memory for a good 15 years or more: The Princess and the Pirate.

The author's main premise was that the attendant of a princess is called a 'countess' because it is her job to count how many times the princess was alone with a man overnight.   ("One!  One overnight with the Pirate!  Two, two overnights with the Pirate!  Ahaha!" *lightning crashes*)  If the count reached 7 with any one man, the princess would be forced to marry him.   And then, of course, the author tortured the plot until the princess reached the requisite number of nights with the Pirate in the title.

What, diplomatic marriage, you say?  Betrothal while the child is still in the cradle?  Piffle, mere piffle.  We'll just handwave that away.  After all, if a betrothal existed, no prince would want her after the pirate had 7 chances to boink the poor girl, so we'll just pretend things like that never existed.  ::)
I have got to find this book.

Also, it leads me to wonder.  While the Countess is counting Scrabble partners, what is the Count counting?
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artk2002

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1749 on: September 21, 2012, 11:34:50 AM »
Also, it leads me to wonder.  While the Countess is counting Scrabble partners, what is the Count counting?

Countesses.

For anyone who has read (or manages to read) this classic, please tell me: Did it seem like the author was writing this tongue-in-cheek or was s/he serious?
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Twik

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1750 on: September 21, 2012, 01:24:42 PM »
This might be a fun premise for a tongue-in-cheek fairytale.

However, if the author intended it to be read as an actual history taking place in a culture that actually existed at some time on planet Earth, the mind boggles. Did it appear she actually thought that this was the real origin of the title "Countess"?
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Elfmama

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1751 on: September 21, 2012, 02:30:23 PM »
This might be a fun premise for a tongue-in-cheek fairytale.

However, if the author intended it to be read as an actual history taking place in a culture that actually existed at some time on planet Earth, the mind boggles. Did it appear she actually thought that this was the real origin of the title "Countess"?
Near as I could tell, yes.  It was set in real-world medieval Europe.  The rest of the details have mercifully gone blank, however.  Googling for it does not turn up anything that seems to be the same book, so it's probably looooooooooooooong out of print.  It was a library paperback and no longer on shelf.
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greencat

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1752 on: September 21, 2012, 04:19:35 PM »
I've actually heard of the book before - I think it may have won an award for awful literature.

VorFemme

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1753 on: September 21, 2012, 04:22:20 PM »
This might be a fun premise for a tongue-in-cheek fairytale.

However, if the author intended it to be read as an actual history taking place in a culture that actually existed at some time on planet Earth, the mind boggles. Did it appear she actually thought that this was the real origin of the title "Countess"?
Near as I could tell, yes.  It was set in real-world medieval Europe.  The rest of the details have mercifully gone blank, however.  Googling for it does not turn up anything that seems to be the same book, so it's probably looooooooooooooong out of print.  It was a library paperback and no longer on shelf.

On Barrayar, the "Counts" got their titles as "accountants" to the first emperor (and the  equivalent to the American military's Judge Advocates are called "Imperial Auditors" - which makes sense, in that universe). 

But a "countess" keeping track of how many times a princess was alone with any man?  ONCE was enough to cause problems in the world history that I learned in school.  Seven times......would have had the princess in a convent for the rest of her life or married off to the first nobility that the king her father or brother could find who would take her and her reputation away from court.

Some people must have flunked history and so wrote novels based on what their imaginations had filled in when they didn't understand the history teacher.....
« Last Edit: September 21, 2012, 10:22:46 PM by VorFemme »
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Cami

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Re: well, THAT was the worst book ever!
« Reply #1754 on: September 21, 2012, 05:11:59 PM »
I can't believe I haven't posted about this one yet!

A bodice-ripper of such appalling badness that it has stuck in memory for a good 15 years or more: The Princess and the Pirate.

The author's main premise was that the attendant of a princess is called a 'countess' because it is her job to count how many times the princess was alone with a man overnight.   ("One!  One overnight with the Pirate!  Two, two overnights with the Pirate!  Ahaha!" *lightning crashes*)  If the count reached 7 with any one man, the princess would be forced to marry him.   And then, of course, the author tortured the plot until the princess reached the requisite number of nights with the Pirate in the title.

What, diplomatic marriage, you say?  Betrothal while the child is still in the cradle?  Piffle, mere piffle.  We'll just handwave that away.  After all, if a betrothal existed, no prince would want her after the pirate had 7 chances to boink the poor girl, so we'll just pretend things like that never existed.  ::)

I really want to read this book. Do you have any idea of the author's name?

The oldest book with a similar title is this one: http://www.amazon.com/Pirates-Princess-Constance-OBanyon/dp/0821727265/ref=sr_1_47?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1348261803&sr=1-47&keywords=princess+and+the+pirate

A more recent publication date is this one:
http://www.amazon.com/Princess-Her-Pirate-ebook/dp/B000TU16RM/ref=sr_1_28?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1348261892&sr=1-28&keywords=princess+and+the+pirate