Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Is it rude not to host visiting family members?

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kingsrings:
When I was growing up, my father's side of the family (sister and BIL) would never offer to host us when we were visiting. They would give us motel recommendations, but that was it. My mother was horrified by this and thought they were being so rude and cold by not hosting us in their house for our visit. Their house was big enough and they had enough rooms to accomodate us all. But most of the time, we stayed at Grandma's apt., so we only actually utilized a motel once after Grandma had passed on. And my parents were divorced by then, so mom didn't come with us that time anyway. But she did give her two cents when she heard we were staying at a motel and aunt and uncle hadn't offered to host us.

I never had a problem with this or thought it was rude, I just thought well hey, they want their own personal, private space, and that's it. I liked having our own personal space at the motel. Honestly, I've never like the cram-the-whole-family-into-the-house thing anyway. I hate having to share bathrooms with numerous people and never having a private moment with all the people around! And if I were ever to become a homeowner, honestly, I really don't like the idea of opening up my home to multiple people staying over.

So, what is your opinion? Is it completely rude, cold, and unhospitable for family members not to host other visiting family members at their house? Or is this just an entirely circumstantial matter?

bopper:
I think it is best to do what you feel comfortable with...so it is really better for Sister and BIL to mention hotels than to have your family stay with them if that is not what they want because of :
1) Your family might be annoying/loud
2) Allergies (do you have pets/smoke)
3) Privacy concerns
4) Costs  (your family may assume that food will be provided)
5) Clean up (they have to prepare and wash all bedding, etc.)
6) Hosting (you may assume they will entertain you)

They may have had bad experiences in the past hosting in general or specifically with your family.

Then again it is not rude either if they offered and you chose to stay in a hotel either.

Jaywalker:
I think it is at best inhospitable not to host family members who are visiting if you have the space and there is no history of them being bad guests

it is VERY expensive to have to use a hotel when visiting relatives -- if the relatives are actually invited or welcome to make them go to that expense is not gracious

now if you live in Orlando or San Francisco or at the beach  or another tourist spot and relatives have the habit of expecting to crash on you to vacation -- that is entirely different -- no one needs to make their home someone else's hotel on their travels

I also think it is reasonable not to have people stacked like cordwood on air mattresses everywhere -- so if you don't have a guest room at least for the adult couple visiting -- and some place to stash the kids -- then to suggest a hotel is fine

caranfin:
I think if...

1. People are coming to visit *you*, and not just looking for a place to crash while they visit the nearby tourist attraction
2. You have plenty of room to house these people comfortably without making yourself uncomfortable
3. They are not obnoxious or horrible house guests
4. There are no practical or physical issues (allergies, smoking, special diets, etc.) that would put you out
5. There are no other extenuating circumstances (criminal background, said they hated your decorating style, etc.)

... then it's rude not to at least invite them to stay with you.

Bethalize:

--- Quote from: kingsrings on July 03, 2007, 01:07:42 PM ---So, what is your opinion? Is it completely rude, cold, and unhospitable for family members not to host other visiting family members at their house? Or is this just an entirely circumstantial matter?

--- End quote ---

Does that matter? It's perfectly polite not to offer to host if you didn't do the inviting.

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