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The FlipSide - Is it Rude to NOT stay with family members when traveling?

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Here's the other side of "do I have to host family members" - is it rude to not stay with relatives or friends when visiting?  Honestly, I'd almost always rather stay in a hotel or motel.  I need quiet time, and its nice to be able to unwind.  However, I've never actually managed this when I'm visiting my family - my mom gets horribly hurt if I even suggest that I might stay in a local hotel, even when its going to be clear that the house will be full to bursting with people.

She does the same thing when we are going somewhere as a family (I'm a 32 year old woman who lives by herself and makes a nice living, btw) - she'll insist on paying for my hotel room, and then, oops, can't your Cousin Bertha stay with you?  If I'd known, I'd just had paid for my own room and told her to pay for Cousin Bertha's room.

Clara Bow:
God I hope not, I'm working up the nerve to do that very thing the next time I have to go to my mother's house.....

I absolutely have to have veg time at night, or I become kind of manic or something when I am around other people.  I am really social and love to chat, and it's like I need to unwind.

I know some of our family members have been offended when we have stayed in hotels while visiting, but I just had to do it anyway.  I think they got over it and even understand now.  So I would say, if you feel like you need to stay in a hotel, by all means go ahead and do it.

When we visit and stay in a hotel, we still bring a gift and treat everyone to at least one meal all together.  We also open up the hotel pool to any of the kids who want to come over and swim with us.  We do the majority of "hanging out" with the "host" family but we just sleep and have breakfast at the hotel.

We've stayed at Mom's ONCE when visiting since we moved away, and that's because it was a super-short visit. Between the smoke, the noise and the stress, we typically insist on getting a room at a nearby motel.

If it's rude to need downtime, quiet time, and time to breathe air that doesn't contain nicotine, then label me rude. Besides, with a little luck we can get a room with a jacuzzi to help with the travel aches and pains.

My DH and I are dealing with this right now.  We are going to visit his aunt and we used to stay at her house.  However, she is in her 70s and we have 3 kids so we decided it would be better for everyone if we stayed in a hotel.  She was a little hurt but my DH explained that he was concerned that the 5 of us in her little house would be very overwhelming for her and her dog.  We are supposed to leave in one week and we found out a week ago that DH's parents suddenly decided to visit her at the same time and they will be staying at her house.  Good thing we were planning on staying in a hotel or we would be scrambling to make reservations now.
Its stressful having people stay at your house and its stressful staying with someone so I don't think it is rude at all to stay in a hotel.  In our case, I think we are being considerate by not bringing chaos into someone's house.


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