Hostesses With The Mostest > Entertaining and Hospitality

Housemate's friends - do I count as hostess?

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To start: Hi :)

My housemate, who is also a fairly close friend, has taken to inviting his university friends around, roughly every other Friday. It can be anywhere from 2 to 8 people; they tend to arrive at about 4pm, and they have left anywhere up to 2 am, sometimes staying overnight.

Now, whilst his friends are nice enough people, we have very little in common. They can be quite loud, have a tendancy to ramble, and one of them is somewhat lightweight when it comes to alcohol, drinks it anyway, and then starts singing random songs and giggling, leaving me feeling very uncomfortable and making it near impossible to hold any kind of conversation with him anyway. I'm also very introverted, somewhat shy, uncomfortable in any kind of social situation, and clinically paranoid, which my housemate should know. I tell him often enough, anyway. My computer is set up in the room where people tend to congregate, although that's not my choice so much as a matter of convenience.

Now, my problem is my flatmate a) never really does any of the tidying before or after these parties, which is annoying for me because of my paranoia and b) invites these people over without really asking me if I want them there, then vanishes to his computer, which is in his room, because 'he has things to do' online that he already arranged to do. I don't know if he arranges these things before or after he invites people over, but I don't think it matters.

Given all this, do I have to act as gracious hostess to people I barely know, and didn't really want in the house anyway, or am I allowed to be on my PC, be an occasional hostess, and mostly leave them to their own devices? I don't mind talking to them sometimes, but I just cannot be a socially graceful person for up to 10 hours.

I guess there's no way out of tidying the house, although I do wish he would help with that as well.  :-\

Wow! I think your flatmate is very rude. Back before computers I had a friend who used to invite me over and then spend the evening talking on the phone to other people, much like your flatmate does with his computer. I stopped being friends with her.

In this situation you are not the host, he is. I think you can leave them to their own devices, however, if you are in the room on your computer they may still feel a need to talk to you, which may be bothersome. As painful as it may be, could you either move your computer or get a new flatmate?

I've tried telling him that they're his friends, and he should be the one dealing with them, but the last time I did that, he came downstairs and threw everyone out. He had a headache, apparently, although I note he was still online.  ::)

Sadly, my room is the boxroom. It's small, comfortable, and it stops me adding yet more junk to my collection, but I can't fit a PC in there. The house contract's up in September, but theoretically it won't be a problem for much longer as all his university friends move back home. I just wanted confirmation I wasn't being too rude. :)

No, he is being rude to both you and his friends.  He shouldn't invite people over if he is going to be in the other room ignoring them.  What is the point of that? 

He is being even more rude to you.  He invites people over without asking you, then disappears leaving his guests with you.  I don't feel it is your job to entertain them.  If you want some peace and quiet, I would see nothing wrong with telling the guests to hang out in his room.  Not cleaning up after his parties just caps off his rudeness.


In my experience, if a flatmate invites friends over your responsibilities are to be polite to them as you go in an out, refrain from wandering around in your underwear or housecoat in front of them, and direct them to the bathroom if asked.

You are *not* obliged to entertain guests that you haven't invited to the house because the actual host has wandered off.  You can leave the apartment to do something else, go to your room, make your dinner, whatever you would be doing otherwise.  You are also not obliged to do extra clean up to prepare for their visit or tidy the extra mess afterwards, other than helping to maintain your usual level of apartment cleanliness on a daily basis.

So if your roommate invited them, he's entirely responsible for entertaining them, feeding them and cleaning up after them.


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