Etiquette School is in session! > Complete Silence
Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
Drawberry:
When I was in middle school my classes would occasionally do field trips outside of the city, and once to Canada (I live in Michigan) to see the Lion King show. All the children where told explicitly to not speak to panhandlers and not stop to give anyone change. Given that we where all young and naive I don't see this as inappropriate. It would have been very easy for someone to stop a young child in a huge group like that, and for that child to be taken without anyone else being able to notice. The school also would have the liability if someone had hurt one of the children, and would have to deal with the aftermath of someone possibly robbing one of the students. (These trips where often over a day long and parents where giving the children spending money for meals and treats-Some children could easily have had well over $100 on them at any time)
However as an adult now, I politely decline panhandlers. If asked as I am passing by I simply shake my head and say "I am sorry but I don't have anything right now" and have never had an issue. In fact I have been harassed by the college students who are panhandling for X student trip or X extracurricular, the girls that will stand half way into the street loudly laughing and yelling at passerby's heckling them for money. But never have I had an issue with a panhandler/homeless person.
It is rude to assume that "Well I don't know if they're unstable.." because they're panhandling or homeless. You don't know if the cashier at Starbucks is unstable, or the person in line at the grocery store is. You don't know if your neighbor in the $500k gated community is unstable. It's incredibly unkind and downright mean to me that one would treat another person that way based on some generalized sweeping assumption.
Believe me, I've met some pretty colorful folks asking for change. Some real characters, but none of them where harassing me and in fact I ended up chatting away with each of them. Though certainly colorful characters, they where far from unstable or dangerous. One of the men I ended up speaking with was keeping me company while I waited for a train across the state to return home from visiting my father. (my parents are divorced and I was around 18 at the time)I had been alone and kind of wandering a bit confused on my first time at this particular station, when he asked me for change I apologized and let him know I didn't have anything.(I really didn't. my ticket was paid in advance)He ended up showing me where the spot to wait was and made sure I made it to the platform on time and talked me through getting my bags on the train etc.... I genuinely was sorry I didn't have anything to offer him because I would likely have missed my train without this man's help. He made me feel a little better then if I had been alone, I got the impression he was trying to keep an eye on me when he saw how nervous I was and had learned that my father didn't feel like waiting at the station with me and had dropped me off alone a good two hours early. After making sure I was at the right platform we parted ways and I would see him again from time to time when I returned to that station.
I am not going to say that anyone who's homeless and panhandling is going to be such a nice guy (or gal), but certainly to assume that because of it they have a higher chance of being 'dangerous' is not only absurd and completely unwarranted but just mean.
greencat:
I prefer to LOUDLY announce that I'm not carrying cash when I'm asked for a handout, just in case.
On the other hand, when I DO happen to be carrying a small amount of cash, I will sometimes randomly give it to the homeless guys that I see all the time that DON'T ever ask me for it. This happens maybe once every 6 months at the most, so it's not something they expect me to do.
Firecat:
--- Quote from: Drawberry on March 09, 2012, 12:07:22 AM ---When I was in middle school my classes would occasionally do field trips outside of the city, and once to Canada (I live in Michigan) to see the Lion King show. All the children where told explicitly to not speak to panhandlers and not stop to give anyone change. Given that we where all young and naive I don't see this as inappropriate. It would have been very easy for someone to stop a young child in a huge group like that, and for that child to be taken without anyone else being able to notice. The school also would have the liability if someone had hurt one of the children, and would have to deal with the aftermath of someone possibly robbing one of the students. (These trips where often over a day long and parents where giving the children spending money for meals and treats-Some children could easily have had well over $100 on them at any time)
However as an adult now, I politely decline panhandlers. If asked as I am passing by I simply shake my head and say "I am sorry but I don't have anything right now" and have never had an issue. In fact I have been harassed by the college students who are panhandling for X student trip or X extracurricular, the girls that will stand half way into the street loudly laughing and yelling at passerby's heckling them for money. But never have I had an issue with a panhandler/homeless person.
It is rude to assume that "Well I don't know if they're unstable.." because they're panhandling or homeless. You don't know if the cashier at Starbucks is unstable, or the person in line at the grocery store is. You don't know if your neighbor in the $500k gated community is unstable. It's incredibly unkind and downright mean to me that one would treat another person that way based on some generalized sweeping assumption.
Believe me, I've met some pretty colorful folks asking for change. Some real characters, but none of them where harassing me and in fact I ended up chatting away with each of them. Though certainly colorful characters, they where far from unstable or dangerous. One of the men I ended up speaking with was keeping me company while I waited for a train across the state to return home from visiting my father. (my parents are divorced and I was around 18 at the time)I had been alone and kind of wandering a bit confused on my first time at this particular station, when he asked me for change I apologized and let him know I didn't have anything.(I really didn't. my ticket was paid in advance)He ended up showing me where the spot to wait was and made sure I made it to the platform on time and talked me through getting my bags on the train etc.... I genuinely was sorry I didn't have anything to offer him because I would likely have missed my train without this man's help. He made me feel a little better then if I had been alone, I got the impression he was trying to keep an eye on me when he saw how nervous I was and had learned that my father didn't feel like waiting at the station with me and had dropped me off alone a good two hours early. After making sure I was at the right platform we parted ways and I would see him again from time to time when I returned to that station.
I am not going to say that anyone who's homeless and panhandling is going to be such a nice guy (or gal), but certainly to assume that because of it they have a higher chance of being 'dangerous' is not only absurd and completely unwarranted but just mean.
--- End quote ---
I disagree. I'm glad that you've had some great experiences. I've had the experience - more than once - of being called names and otherwise harrassed by panhandlers, and I'm not interested in risking it. I'm going to err on the side of my own safety, and I don't think that makes me rude or mean.
And "I don't know if they're unstable" is not a rude assumption, it is a statement of fact - because I genuinely don't know if any given stranger may be unstable. You might have more of an argument if you had stated that it would be rude to assume that any given person is unstable - which it would be.
Midnight Kitty:
There is usually a reason why a person is panhandling, not working. The homeless population has a higher percentage of visibly mentally challenged people in than the general population, so it isn't "mean" to be careful, it's just common sense and experience.
That said, I judge each person on their own merits. I take public transportation and see lots of homeless people, both on the bus and living at the bus stops. It's only prudent not to want to sit so close that they touch me. Their clothes are filthy from living on the street and their skin has diseases which I don't want to catch. Sometimes keeping your distance is the best preventive measure available. However, a homeless person who bathes regularly and isn't speaking to their invisible friends won't catch my attention, so I won't even identify them as "homeless."
When it comes to "dangerous," I always trust my gut. I've been on dates (back in the Jurasic Era when I was last single) with guys in suits who were scary dangerous.
AngelBarchild:
--- Quote from: Drawberry on March 09, 2012, 12:07:22 AM ---When I was in middle school my classes would occasionally do field trips outside of the city, and once to Canada (I live in Michigan) to see the Lion King show. All the children where told explicitly to not speak to panhandlers and not stop to give anyone change. Given that we where all young and naive I don't see this as inappropriate. It would have been very easy for someone to stop a young child in a huge group like that, and for that child to be taken without anyone else being able to notice. The school also would have the liability if someone had hurt one of the children, and would have to deal with the aftermath of someone possibly robbing one of the students. (These trips where often over a day long and parents where giving the children spending money for meals and treats-Some children could easily have had well over $100 on them at any time)
However as an adult now, I politely decline panhandlers. If asked as I am passing by I simply shake my head and say "I am sorry but I don't have anything right now" and have never had an issue. In fact I have been harassed by the college students who are panhandling for X student trip or X extracurricular, the girls that will stand half way into the street loudly laughing and yelling at passerby's heckling them for money. But never have I had an issue with a panhandler/homeless person.
It is rude to assume that "Well I don't know if they're unstable.." because they're panhandling or homeless. You don't know if the cashier at Starbucks is unstable, or the person in line at the grocery store is. You don't know if your neighbor in the $500k gated community is unstable. It's incredibly unkind and downright mean to me that one would treat another person that way based on some generalized sweeping assumption.
Believe me, I've met some pretty colorful folks asking for change. Some real characters, but none of them where harassing me and in fact I ended up chatting away with each of them. Though certainly colorful characters, they where far from unstable or dangerous. One of the men I ended up speaking with was keeping me company while I waited for a train across the state to return home from visiting my father. (my parents are divorced and I was around 18 at the time)I had been alone and kind of wandering a bit confused on my first time at this particular station, when he asked me for change I apologized and let him know I didn't have anything.(I really didn't. my ticket was paid in advance)He ended up showing me where the spot to wait was and made sure I made it to the platform on time and talked me through getting my bags on the train etc.... I genuinely was sorry I didn't have anything to offer him because I would likely have missed my train without this man's help. He made me feel a little better then if I had been alone, I got the impression he was trying to keep an eye on me when he saw how nervous I was and had learned that my father didn't feel like waiting at the station with me and had dropped me off alone a good two hours early. After making sure I was at the right platform we parted ways and I would see him again from time to time when I returned to that station.
I am not going to say that anyone who's homeless and panhandling is going to be such a nice guy (or gal), but certainly to assume that because of it they have a higher chance of being 'dangerous' is not only absurd and completely unwarranted but just mean.
--- End quote ---
You said everything I wanted to say only better. :)
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