Author Topic: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?  (Read 41899 times)

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Nurvingiel

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #30 on: June 01, 2011, 04:31:48 PM »
You're not required to respond to all questions directed your way. I'm sure you had your reasons for simply ignoring the panhandler. In some areas it can be a source of aggravation to engage with a panhandler, in others not.

In my city, panhandlers ask you for money politely and leave you alone if you say no. They may wish you a good day. Not all cities have panhandlers as nice as we do. (Insert joke about faultlessly polite Canadians here.) Because of this, I always respond to panhandlers here, usually just verbally but I don't carry cash so I have nothing to give them.

You're also not required to respond to sanctimonious jerks who talk about you as if you are not there.
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Blithe

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #31 on: June 02, 2011, 02:01:53 AM »
I vote not rude.  Not all panhandlers are dangerous, but many are and it is difficult to know ahead of time if you are dealing with someone who will turn nasty.  I speak as someone who tried to be nice to a panhandler who seemed like a nice person (had offered assistance with something) and give him the small amount of money I happened to have in my pocket at the time.  It came to a little more than 3 dollars and my initial thought was that it was fortunate that I had money that I could access without opening my purse.  The man then became belligerent, getting in my face and telling me that I was ungrateful, unappreciative, snobby, racist and that I needed to open my purse and give him more money.   I was young and naive at the time, but I had promised my father that I would never open my purse or wallet to give a panhandler money.  He wouldn't leave me alone, I didn't get away from him until two Mormon missionaries came up and asked if I needed help.  He claimed that we were just talking, but they distracted him enough for me to get away.

Now, several years later, I do not typically give money to panhandlers or acknowledge them with more than a quick shake of my head (if that).  If this is rude well, SAFETY TRUMPS ETIQUETTE.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #32 on: June 02, 2011, 02:56:13 AM »
I don't consider it rude to not answer a pan handler. I lived in a city with agressive pan handlers + lots of tourists. Giving money or food encouraged them to approach more people. Politely saying no resulted in rude, agressive responses. The pan handlers knew that anyone who ignored them was local and anyone who answered "yes" or "no" was a tourist. In which case they'd get agressive and follow said tourists down the street shouting "you won't give to me ? why ? you're so mean  >:( "
*ETA: One time a pan handler approached me and said "I want gold earrings. Give some to me."  :o Never mind I was only wearing jeans and a t-shirt, not carrying a purse or anything of value and didn't have pierced ears.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2011, 02:58:21 AM by TeamBhakta »

Reuth

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #33 on: June 18, 2011, 01:14:37 PM »
I used to live in a downtown area, and one night there was a knock on the door. We didn't have a peephole but we had a window beside the door. I looked out and saw a strange man there, who asked me for money! I told him no and he started swearing at me. He was gone before the police got there, though.

mathcat

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #34 on: June 27, 2011, 12:17:16 AM »
Not all panhandlers are dangerous.  Some can be though.  After being mugged and ....... but at least ran across an undercover officer before things got worse, I have no intention of ever interacting with a panhandler again.  If I choose to give assistance, I will do so to organizations that help those in need.  I will not respond to uninvited contact by someone asking me for money.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2011, 12:08:33 AM by mathcat »

AlwaysQuizzical

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #35 on: July 06, 2011, 10:45:36 PM »
I just walk by panhandlers on the street without acknowledging them at all. I don't consider it rude, they're out there to get money and I'm not going to give it to them. So any time I spent talking to them would be a waste of their time and could put me in a dangerous situation once they know for sure I won't give them money. I think if you stop and say something then they think if they put more pressure on you they may be able to get something after all. I also avoid customer service in shops that I'm just curious about and not set to spend money on.

Rosewater

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #36 on: August 26, 2011, 06:56:23 PM »
I'm sorry if some think its rude to not acknowledge a panhandler, but I'm not doing it anymore.  I've found that it is too likely that any interaction with some of them will lead to them being encouraged, or harassing me, or sexually harassing me, or threatening me.  I can't always tell which ones ahead of time.

I do acknowledge the ones that hold the door open for me at the store.  I've never encountered a problem with any of them before and they are engaging in a relatively positive interaction.  I'll usually give them my change on the way out.

Yup.  I don't acknowledge panhandlers either, you never know what you're going to get when you interact even for the briefest moment.  Someone sticking their hand out expecting strangers to hand over their hard earned cash IMHO deserves complete silence.  It's interesting how these people are always asking for money, but they never ask me if I have any jobs that they could do.
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Hillia

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #37 on: August 26, 2011, 07:48:32 PM »
After observing my own behavior with some regular panhandlers at an intersection I drive through daily, I would like to offer my apologies to the OP and anyone else I offended by being a sanctimonious prig.

(To save you the trouble, waaaay back on the first or second page I was fairly snotty about 'acknowledging a fellow human being' or something.  I was wrong.)

I do not make eye contact with panhandlers either.  I will shake my head or say 'Sorry' but that's it. 

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Fleur-de-Lis

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #38 on: August 26, 2011, 09:01:08 PM »
After observing my own behavior with some regular panhandlers at an intersection I drive through daily, I would like to offer my apologies to the OP and anyone else I offended by being a sanctimonious prig.

(To save you the trouble, waaaay back on the first or second page I was fairly snotty about 'acknowledging a fellow human being' or something.  I was wrong.)

I do not make eye contact with panhandlers either.  I will shake my head or say 'Sorry' but that's it. 

I appreciate your courage in posting this.
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still in va

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #39 on: August 26, 2011, 10:25:27 PM »
After observing my own behavior with some regular panhandlers at an intersection I drive through daily, I would like to offer my apologies to the OP and anyone else I offended by being a sanctimonious prig.

(To save you the trouble, waaaay back on the first or second page I was fairly snotty about 'acknowledging a fellow human being' or something.  I was wrong.)

I do not make eye contact with panhandlers either.  I will shake my head or say 'Sorry' but that's it. 

I appreciate your courage in posting this.

so do i.

afbluebelle

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #40 on: August 27, 2011, 05:31:57 PM »
The area I grew up in had a LOT of panhandlers, and buskers as well. The rich cities up valley would buy the guys bus tickets to send them out of town, because GJ had a milder winter and they (the panhandlers) were bad for business.

That being said, Some of them were genuinely cool people. GJ has a fairly laid back, groovy vibe to their main street, and there was a group of buskers (3 or 4) that you would see from spring to fall. They wouldn't harass people, just played. My friends and I would kinda hang around these guys, and they were practically a local staple. Over the years we got to know these guys, and they were really...cool, for lack of a better word. During the winter they would go and work part time at the smaller ski resorts (Telluride, Sunlight, Powderhorn, Steamboat Springs, etc) as ski instructors and wait staff. Once the ski season was over, they busked. They all had living areas (shared a decent RV, nothing rock starish, but well kept) They were clean, and talented. They didn't take it personal when people got freaked out, they thought of themselves as performers, just liked the luxury of the open road. Saw them in Moab, Utah and around the area during festival seasons.

Absolutely nothing to do with the story, just really miss those guys. And Speedo Man, but thats just cuz my mom severely disliked him  :P
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Tai

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #41 on: August 27, 2011, 06:27:24 PM »
I don't acknowledge ANYONE when I'm out and about.  I am in "mission mode" trying to get something done, and the only people I talk to when I'm out is the cashier tallying up my order.  Other than that, I'm not out for a social reason. 

At the store the other day, someone started following me to the car asking for money.  After the second time I told him I don't have money for him, I told him to stop following me LOUDLY.  Yes, I yelled it.  That's something others may consider rude, but I'm not afraid to draw attention to myself by yelling to get them to go away. 


Mental Magpie

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #42 on: August 28, 2011, 01:19:01 AM »
I don't acknowledge ANYONE when I'm out and about.  I am in "mission mode" trying to get something done, and the only people I talk to when I'm out is the cashier tallying up my order.  Other than that, I'm not out for a social reason. 

At the store the other day, someone started following me to the car asking for money.  After the second time I told him I don't have money for him, I told him to stop following me LOUDLY.  Yes, I yelled it.  That's something others may consider rude, but I'm not afraid to draw attention to myself by yelling to get them to go away.

I don't think it was rude because you told him "no" twice.  Not only are you drawing attention to yourself, but you're drawing eyes that could potentially save you from assault.
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GreenEyedHawk

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #43 on: September 03, 2011, 11:41:16 AM »
Panhandlers are problematic where I used to live (I'm in a better neighbourhood now, thank goodness) and because of how many there were and how pushy or downright aggressive they could be, I never left my apartment after dark. 

My way of handling them when I saw them, though, was to offer them an alternative to what they were asking me for (always money).  Depended on their story, like if one of them said something like, "I'm really hungry, can you spare some change so I can buy food?" I'd say, "I don't have any cash, but if you'd like I can run into the store and buy you a sandwich."  Or of they said "Have you got any change for the bus?" I'd say, "I don 't have any change, but I can give you a bus ticket."  Over the years, I must have encountered dozens of panhandlers, and over all that time, only ONE ever took me up on my offer.  She was standing outside the grocery store where I used to regularly go to get lunch from the deli.  When I came out, bag in hand, she asked if I had any change to spare, as she hadn't eaten in several days.  She looked it, too.  I said, "I haven't got any change, but I can run into the store and get you something, if you'd like."  She just said anything would be fine, so I went back inside and got her a loaf of bread, a small jar of peanut butter, a packet of plastic knives and a six-pack of mini Sunny Delight, figuring it wasn't great, but it'd all last her for a little while at least, and it beats going hungry.  She wept when I gave it all to her.

She was the ONLY panhandler I've ever encountered that seemed to actually be telling the truth about what she wanted my spare change for.
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Cami

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Re: Panhandler and...Sympathizer?
« Reply #44 on: September 27, 2011, 01:07:17 PM »
I'm sorry if some think its rude to not acknowledge a panhandler, but I'm not doing it anymore.  I've found that it is too likely that any interaction with some of them will lead to them being encouraged, or harassing me, or sexually harassing me, or threatening me.  I can't always tell which ones ahead of time.

I agree 100%.

I once had a job providing services to homeless people and had occasion to have many conversations about the job many of them had --  panhandling. They told me that how they determine who to press for money is based upon their response to the initial "ask". If a person responds, they will usually be able to badger them into giving money. If the person doesn't respond, they will move on to a more likely mark.

I have also found that certain males will use any response -- even a look in their direction -- as "proof" that a female wants their attention.  Once they've decided the female "wants" the attention, they become quite aggressive.  One of my coworkers made the mistake of being polite to a guy on the bus one day and he followed her into work and harassed her for the next six months. All because she said, "Hello" back to him. The cops got involved and we were all told quite emphatically that we all -- but especially the women -- should ignore panhandlers and street people for our own safety.

I'd rather be thought of as rude and be safe.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2011, 01:09:50 PM by CamiCar »