Author Topic: Used It In Class Today  (Read 26006 times)

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DavidH

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #60 on: February 27, 2012, 01:48:20 PM »
I took the first comment as a light hearted attempt a a joke, but I wasn't there.  If the OP really thought he was accusing her of being a drug dealer, then the response of an interesting assumption seems a bit mild to me.  In that case, I'd address the comment directly and deny the accusation.  If she believed it was an attempt at a joke, then her comment was an attempt to shut him down, but I agree that it was rather abrupt and likely to be interpreted as don't interact with me again.  I don't see it as "grilling her" about her medications or health at all, just an apparently ill advised joke.

After that interaction, his subsequent comments about her being too young to need that much medication was, I think, rude and crossing the line and perhaps "grilling her".  For that, the interesting assumption line seems appropriate. 

As an aside, pills are best stored in their original container, particularly when going through an airport to avoid misunderstandings or worse.  It also helps ensure you don't confuse one with another at a later date.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #61 on: February 27, 2012, 01:59:23 PM »
I took the first comment as a light hearted attempt a a joke, but I wasn't there.  If the OP really thought he was accusing her of being a drug dealer, then the response of an interesting assumption seems a bit mild to me.  In that case, I'd address the comment directly and deny the accusation.  If she believed it was an attempt at a joke, then her comment was an attempt to shut him down, but I agree that it was rather abrupt and likely to be interpreted as don't interact with me again.  I don't see it as "grilling her" about her medications or health at all, just an apparently ill advised joke.

After that interaction, his subsequent comments about her being too young to need that much medication was, I think, rude and crossing the line and perhaps "grilling her".  For that, the interesting assumption line seems appropriate. 

As an aside, pills are best stored in their original container, particularly when going through an airport to avoid misunderstandings or worse.  It also helps ensure you don't confuse one with another at a later date.

I don't think he was actually accusing me or grilling me until he got to the subsequent comments; those changed my outlook completely from the original comment about me being a drug dealer. 

If we pretend my first "interesting assumption" was rather a really confused sounding, "Excuse me?", I still stand by my second use of "interesting assumption" and it still conveys what happened:

He made a stupid joke that could be offensive.
I was confused and responded in such a manner.
His tone completely changed from joking to accusatory; he grilled me with an inappropriate question and was already treating me as if I had no good
     answer that would leave him satisfied.
I answered, bewildered, because why else would I have them unless I need them?
He accused me of not needing them and his voice conveyed he thought I was a liar...if I was a liar, what else would I be but a drug dealer?  So we're 
     back to his original statement that he thinks I'm a drug dealer.
I stopped him from continuing the very inappropriate and offensive line of inquiry about my medical needs.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

Twik

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #62 on: February 27, 2012, 02:24:42 PM »
You assume that if the person asked says, quietly, "that's an interesting assumption," that the rudeness is on them, and I do not agree with that.

I think tone and intent comes into play here.  I got the sense (though I could be wrong) that the OP intended to be snarky with her "that's an interesting assumption."  She knew the classmate did not really assume she was dealing drugs but was simply trying to make conversation.  He didn't make any assumptions, interesting or otherwise, aside from I suppose the assumption that the OP would recognize his commentary for what it was - an attempt at small talk.

Why do you assume that she "knew" that he "really did not assume" that she was dealing drugs? When she told him no, he argued with her that she *must* be, because no one could have all those pills for an innocent purpose.

I think you're visualizing something quite different than what the OP described.

In any case, "small talk" does not involve peering into stranger's private stuff, and making comments on it. Medical things shoudl *always* be considered private, by the way, unless the person in question indicates that they're not. Grilling them (even in jest) about their medical situation is rude, period. One's private inner workings are not on par with the weather as a topic of conversation.

Long, long ago, there was an etiquette adage that said, simply, "Don't make personal comments". I can't imagine anything more personal than, "So, why do you have all those pills?"
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Surianne

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #63 on: February 27, 2012, 02:24:48 PM »
I do want to note DM (since I think that my posts may not have made this clear) that I don't think you were being deliberately rude to the guy or anything like that.  I'm not sure that the "interesting assumption" phrase was the best choice (which is still up for debate -- since many posters do think it was a great choice, and I'm certainly no expert), but I also think that if his comments offended you, you were fine to be pretty blunt about it.  My main concern was that I thought *you* thought the "interesting assumption" wasn't as harsh/snarky as it comes across to some people (myself included).  But if you don't want to be BFF with the guy (and why would you?), it doesn't really matter if he talks to you again, does it? ;D

Mental Magpie

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #64 on: February 27, 2012, 02:35:09 PM »
I do want to note DM (since I think that my posts may not have made this clear) that I don't think you were being deliberately rude to the guy or anything like that.  I'm not sure that the "interesting assumption" phrase was the best choice (which is still up for debate -- since many posters do think it was a great choice, and I'm certainly no expert), but I also think that if his comments offended you, you were fine to be pretty blunt about it.  My main concern was that I thought *you* thought the "interesting assumption" wasn't as harsh/snarky as it comes across to some people (myself included).  But if you don't want to be BFF with the guy (and why would you?), it doesn't really matter if he talks to you again, does it? ;D

I still don't, as I had no snark in my voice.  I also don't think it was harsh in response to what he was saying about me.  He did make an interesting assumption about whether I needed those medications, and he did so in an accusatory and prying way (prying as in he shouldn't have been asking to begin with). 

No, it doesn't matter if he talks to me again :D
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Twik

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #65 on: February 27, 2012, 02:36:25 PM »
Why is being mildly snarky (if, for argument, we accept that is what it was) worse than harassing someone for possessing lawful medication? Why should the OP be worried about if *he* will speak to her again? Why isn't he worried about "Oops, I offended that girl, I should apologize"?

I must say, I really don't get why so many people are supporting this rather obnoxious stranger. If he'd seen a girl he didn't know sitting down with a salad, and made conversation by asking her, "What are you, anorexic?" I"m sure most people would agree he was way out of line. Why is suggesting that the OP's pills are for an illegal purpose any different?
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

TurtleDove

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #66 on: February 27, 2012, 02:37:05 PM »
I definitely thinkin he was trying to be funny; he just wasn't.

Twik, this is why.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Used It In Class Today
« Reply #67 on: February 27, 2012, 02:38:32 PM »
I definitely thinkin he was trying to be funny; he just wasn't.

Twik, this is why.

Then a number of times I said that only his first statement was where I thought he thought he was being funny.  After that, because he made subsequent comments in a very not joking tone, it quit being a joke and I don't think he thought he was being funny anymore.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.