"Babies having babies!"

[Piratelvr1121]

So last night I was sitting in line waiting to be allowed into the theater to see Pirates 4 (Wonderful, BTW!) and was the first in line since I got there good and early.  A couple and their great nephew (I know cause the man was quite talkative and told me as much) sat down on the floor next to me and at one point he nodded towards a young woman with a baby on her hip and said "She looks like a teenager. Man, so many babies having babies these days!" (He looked to be in his 50's or maybe 60's-I'm a terrible judge of age based on looks)

I looked at the young woman who admittedly DID look like a teen and while I didn't say "That's an interesting assumption", I said "Hm, I think I probably looked about her age when I had my first child 10 years ago."  He gave me a surprised look and asked "YOU have KIDS?" (I was alone and in a Jack Sparrow sweatshirt and jeans I probably didn't look particularly motherly. LOL) I nodded and said "Yep, two boys, 10 and 8.  I was 22 when I had my first..."

He blinked at me and then looked at the young woman with the baby and said "Oh...well, that's a good age..." 

As someone who is frequently mistaken for being younger (and I'm not complaining! LOL!) I guess I tend to be less likely to assume that just because a girl who LOOKS like a teen and is holding a baby on her hip that she's a teen mother.

[Eisa]

While I don't have children, I totally understand about looking younger! I'm 23, and the oldest someone has thought I am is 18 or 19. I've even been mistaken for as young as 12 before. It's...frustrating.

[kherbert05]

Why does the person holding the child have to be a parent. It can be a cousins, aunt, or older siblings. I was lectured a couple of times for being a teen mom - the children in question are 1st cousins once removed.

[Lisbeth]

When I was a kid, I once mistook a woman holding a small child and singing to her as the child's mother.  She told me she was the child's grandmother.  I thought she looked young enough to be the child's mother-I couldn't have been more than six myself.

[Piratelvr1121]

Why does the person holding the child have to be a parent. It can be a cousins, aunt, or older siblings. I was lectured a couple of times for being a teen mom - the children in question are 1st cousins once removed.

I thought of that too.  I'm the oldest of 16 grandkids so there were times when holding a cousin I could have been mistaken for a teen mother.  And my brother was mistaken a few times in the past for being the boy's father when he was out alone with them and a teenager.   (He was 15 when Pirateboy 1 was born)

[Firecat]

My younger sister is over a decade younger than I am. I got a lot of glares when she was a baby and I was carrying her - even if we were with my mom. But no one ever commented and I didn't particularly care what they thought. Besides, if anyone had said anything and Mom was around...they would have regretted saying anything very shortly afterwards, and I was perfectly aware of that.

[ddawn23]

Why does the person holding the child have to be a parent. It can be a cousins, aunt, or older siblings. I was lectured a couple of times for being a teen mom - the children in question are 1st cousins once removed.

Ann Landers published stories like yours with alarming regularity.  The LWs were typically big sisters babysitting their younger siblings.  They described completely innocuous activities, like going for a walk in the park, and complete strangers would come up to them and tear into them about irresponsibility and how ashamed they should feel for being a teenaged mother and having a child out of wedlock.  Ann Landers usually recommended that they wear a t-shirt that said things like "big sis" and "I'm the babysitter."

[WestAussieGirl]

It's better than the other way around.    A girlfriend of mine was recently shopping with her young daughter.  The shop assistant asked her if the little one was her granddaughter.  Friend is in her late 30s and her DD is 3.  Certainly mathematically possible, but as an assumption???

Think friend went and booked a holiday.   

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

It's better than the other way around.    A girlfriend of mine was recently shopping with her young daughter.  The shop assistant asked her if the little one was her granddaughter.  Friend is in her late 30s and her DD is 3.  Certainly mathematically possible, but as an assumption???
Think friend went and booked a holiday.   

I was born 10 days shy of my mother's 41st birthday. I was her first baby. People were constantly talking to my parents about "your grandchild". My mother would get annoyed and say, "She's my child!" But my father would just smile and say, "Thank you" or whatever. My mother used to dress me in T-shirts and shorts from a young age and kept my hair short as it was easier. People would come up to her and say, "Oh, cute. What's his name?" Mom, "HER name is Marina!!!" 

When I was 18 my youngest cousin was born. I used to take her places on purpose just to see the shocked looks everyone gave me (I looked younger than my age). 

[Sharnita]

My sister had her prom pictures taken in a public park and in some of the pics she was holding our baby niece.  I kinda thought bypassers who didn't know the family would think she was taking her baby to prom.  Ironically, ten years later she went with her husband to chaperone prom at the school where he teachers.  This time she had prom pictures taken with her new baby.

I do have students who have babies incredibly young - junior high in some cases.  I have seen kids with little ones I assumed were brothers and sisters only to find out that it is the student's child.

[MrsJWine]

This makes me so crazy I can't even stand it.  I had my first at 26, after being married for seven years.  We owned a house and a car and had a cat--you know, all the hallmarks of adulthood, according to some people.  But I still get nasty looks when I venture out with my kids.  Even when I'm wearing my wedding ring.  The best was when I was pregnant and carrying around a toddler (very late walker).

And I do find it very interesting that people will assume not only the age of the person with the baby, but also that she's the mother.  Have they never heard of babysitters, or nannies?  And how often do young-looking men get nasty looks and comments when they're carrying around children?

[mechtilde]

Even if the mother in question had had the child at fourteen, why on earth would anyone think it was OK to treat a vulnerable child, with the huge responsibility of looking after another, even more vulnerable child, with anything other than kindness and compassion?

Her childhood is over. She has 18+ years of massive responsibilities ahead of her. The baby's father is probably about much use as a chocolate fireguard, and then she has to listen to snarky comments from mean spirited adults.

Wrong on so many levels.

[Ferrets]

Even if the mother in question had had the child at fourteen, why on earth would anyone think it was OK to treat a vulnerable child, with the huge responsibility of looking after another, even more vulnerable child, with anything other than kindness and compassion?

I was going to say pretty much this.

[aventurine]

The baby's father is probably about much use as a chocolate fireguard

*files brilliant quote away in personal lexicon*

Caty is a wonderful volunteer who had her child when she was 20.  She looks pretty much her stated age of 22.  We have another volunteer, old enough to be Caty's grandmother, who never misses an opportunity to snark about Caty's having her child "so young!" and - gasping and hiding behind hand, "not married!"      

She hasn't said it to me (a couple of people have vented to me about it, which is how I know) and AFAIAA, she hasn't said it to Caty, but Caty's painfully aware of her opinion.  I'm ready with a couple of eHell-standard phrases if she ever steps to me with it.  Other people's family planning, or lack thereof, is at the top of the Not Your Business list.

[mechtilde]

The baby's father is probably about much use as a chocolate fireguard

*files brilliant quote away in personal lexicon*

Quote shamelessly stolen from a friend of mine who had her first child at seventeen. Her son is now a fine young man, and an absolute credit to her. He has never met his father, who denied paternity, never paid a penny towards his upkeep, never bothered to have anything to do with him and is still frittering his life away doing weed (last any of us heard)