Author Topic: "Babies having babies!"  (Read 38907 times)

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Sharnita

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #15 on: May 23, 2011, 06:03:03 AM »
I don't think anybody ddid make a comment to the "mother", did they?  OP, can you clarify?

Piratelvr1121

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #16 on: May 23, 2011, 09:15:48 AM »
Nope, no one said anything to the mother directly.  If it was indeed the mother, that is, and I'm pretty sure (at least hoping) that she was too far away to hear what the guy said, since he wasn't very loud about it. 

If she did hear, she gave no indication that she did.  She was standing and looking up at the signs that tell you which movie was in which theater for that hallway.  (there are two major hallways for this complex, one on either side of the concession stand) and we were in line near the start of the hallway, maybe 10 feet from her(? I'm a terrible judge of distance.) waiting to be admitted into the theater.
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girlysprite

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #17 on: May 23, 2011, 09:25:45 AM »
What does age have to do with responsibility and maturity anyways? I know a teen mom who got a kid at the age of 18 (got pregnant at 17). Wonderful mom, wonderful kid. She had another one by choice. Same father, who has a solid job. They have a house, a good life, etc. I also know a guy who got his third child when he was over 30. He was sulking and making snippy comments because it wasn't a girl, accused his (third) wife of cheat, starting cheating on her himself, divorced and doesn't want to see his latest child anymore.

(ps: yes I know that several marriages aren't always a sign of immaturity, but in his case it very much was)

Hey, I even know a couple of 19 (both) who already had a job and decided to marry and have a kid. They were just ready for it.

The comment of that man just piled assumption on assumption: the mom being a teenage, the mom being immature, the mom having an accidental baby, thats three!
« Last Edit: May 23, 2011, 09:27:41 AM by girlysprite »

StarDrifter

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #18 on: May 23, 2011, 10:23:21 AM »

-snip!-

  And how often do young-looking men get nasty looks and comments when they're carrying around children?

My younger brother, when he was about seventeen, got shreds torn off him by an old biddy at the supermarket, carrying our then-two-year-old cousin about with him. Bro was about 6'4" and in his (Catholic!) school uniform, and had Cousin in his arms because I (nineteen years old) was wrangling Older Cousin (then five) away from the candy bars. Technically I was babysitting all three of them but really it was Bro helping me wrangle two small people.

This woman came up to him and told him that he should be ashamed of himself- parading around carrying *his* child in public while still in his school uniform - he was bringing disrepute to the school and ought to be reported to the school.

The following Monday we found out that she HAD called the school to tell them that it was 'an abomination' that they let an 'unwed father parade his son about in public while in his uniform'.

Mum and Dad got a good giggle out of that one, thankfully none of the teachers too the complaint seriously at all, in fact, later that week I had both kids with me when I picked my brother up from school and one of the nuns came out to ask if this was the 'abomination of a son' that my brother had been 'parading about'.

And the looks I would get at eighteen when strapping an infant and a four-year-old into my car at the supermarket or the mall... when the car had 'P' plates (in certain states in Australia you get 'P' plates when you first get your license, it identifies a 'young' driver, usually...) I think I had enough confidence when dealing with the kids that nobody was silly enough to try and say anything to me.
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magdalena

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #19 on: May 23, 2011, 11:15:08 AM »
My nieces and nephew are constantly being mistaken for my kids. I was 16 when the eldest was born, and there were lots of rumors flying...
When I was away in uni and my second oldest niece came over for a visit (I was babysitting her for a day), again, rumors started flying about me and my then-BF-now-DH having a child after all (I wonder what they thought I'd done with her the previous 2 years... she was a toddler and I'd been to classes morning to night and never, had had her with me  ;))...
My oldest niece is 17 now, and people always, always think her youngest sister (3) is hers. I'm sure she'll be my baby's mom, too, once the baby's there.
(serves her right, I tell her, after all, I was her mom, too).

My cousin and his wife were very young when their first daughter was born. They're fabulous parents, and the girls (they had another early this year) are absolutely adorable.



Vesper

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #20 on: May 23, 2011, 12:39:30 PM »
Oh I've had this happen to me before.

When I was 15 years old, I was babysitting our neighbors 5 year old Little Girl. My best friend (male) had to go to the store and I decided to come along with him, with LG in tow! We were having fun, talking and what not, looking for whatever it was he needed while LG was busily joining in on our conversation. All of a sudden we're stopped by this ridiculous older woman who absolutely berates our 'horrible choices' informing us how 'ashamed' we should be etc. etc. At the time, we were so taken back that we just started at her open mouthed. When LG started crying, BFF and I high tailed it out of there! Later we had a good laugh, especially when telling LG's mother.

I'd have had to have been 9 years old to get pregnant and have been 10 years old to have had her... CRIVINS! was this woman thinking?!  :o

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #21 on: May 23, 2011, 02:05:21 PM »
I'd have had to have been 9 years old to get pregnant and have been 10 years old to have had her... CRIVINS! was this woman thinking?!  :o

That reminds me... When I was in my teens I would take my friend Thandi places. (She's the daughter of a friend of my mom's and her sister actually now works as our housekeeper. Suffice to say we've known this family for over 40 years.) Anyway, I was 9 when she was born and we were very close. I would take her on bus trips to the movies, to the shops, I made us identical outfits, etc.

And quite a few times when I was about 16 or so and she was 7, we'd be out and people would ask us if I was her mother. Really?? I'd have had to have had her when I was 9. I am really pale (British extraction) and she is 100% Zulu. So how on earth people thought we could be related I don't know!


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ArizonaGirl77

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #22 on: May 23, 2011, 02:18:12 PM »
I got this All.The.Time! I had my first at 23, my 2nd at 24 and my last at 27. I STILL get dirty looks when out with them sometimes and I'm now 33 years old (almost 34).

Due to this - I never assume anything about a woman (or man's for that matter) relationship with a child! For all I know that 70 year old woman is a 30 year old woman battling a terminal illness all while caring for a young child! I'm not about to say anything to her about her "grandchild".

People need to keep their durn mouths SHUT! Period! Unless you hear teh child say "Mommy" and the Mother reply with "Yes, I'm your X age Mother" or something Do.Not.Assume!

Eisa

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #23 on: May 23, 2011, 02:31:14 PM »
I am suddenly getting the urge to babysit my 2-year-old nephew and take him out everywhere, just to see if I get any glares. :D >:D Since I'm frequently mistaken for a teenager, I'm sure people will jump to the interesting conclusion that I'm his mommy and tell me how sinful I am. :P

[My sister--who is actually almost 2 years younger than me, but looks older somehow ??? --actually has gotten that reaction before, with glares and sniffs. She just ignores them. :P ]
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Nurvingiel

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #24 on: May 23, 2011, 02:33:02 PM »
This assumption enrages me because a) mind your own business b) you could be wrong and most importantly c) if this person really is a teen parent, you have no right to judge them.
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Sharnita

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #25 on: May 23, 2011, 02:40:23 PM »
This assumption enrages me because a) mind your own business b) you could be wrong and most importantly c) if this person really is a teen parent, you have no right to judge them.

I don't know that it is a judgement in the way you mena, at least not all the time.  When I have a 14 year old with a one year old baby my reaction isn't that he or she is a bad kid but I honestly don't think it is an ideal situation for any of them.  Now that is judgement in one sense but I ams concenred for the people involved, not angry/disgusted/etc. 

Nurvingiel

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #26 on: May 23, 2011, 02:43:48 PM »
This assumption enrages me because a) mind your own business b) you could be wrong and most importantly c) if this person really is a teen parent, you have no right to judge them.

I don't know that it is a judgement in the way you mena, at least not all the time.  When I have a 14 year old with a one year old baby my reaction isn't that he or she is a bad kid but I honestly don't think it is an ideal situation for any of them.  Now that is judgement in one sense but I ams concenred for the people involved, not angry/disgusted/etc. 
As long as the person with the kid doesn't hear then it doesn't really matter (as in the OP's example as well) but I do think that even kindly meant concern should be kept to oneself, not expressed to the teen.
If I had some ham, I could have ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.

Ginya

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #27 on: May 23, 2011, 03:36:52 PM »
Oh.... this topic is one I constantly get steamed over. I am 22 soon to be 23 and am regularly mistaken for a teen but I don't have any kids. I have only two experiences in this area. The first my now DH youngest brother he was 10? and I was 19 some woman asked how old my son was while we were walking in the mall. She was nice enough to apologize for her assumption. The second I was holding a friends little boy while we were out at the park and she ran to the car for his bag. An older woman came up to me and started saying how I should be ashamed of myself. I gave her a cool glare and said "Excuse me?" She then went about her way with her nose in the air.  ::) I don't know what possess people to think its ok to do this.

I have several friends that were teen mom's and they're wonderful parents, some aren't but I know plenty of older married couples that had just as much of a success rate at being good parents as they did. It just ruffles my feathers when people jump to conclusions like that, even if they are a teen parent who says that makes them a bad person?

Sterling

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #28 on: May 23, 2011, 05:38:21 PM »
My sister got this alot when I was little.  She was 15 almost 16 when I was born.  She also babysat for me a lot so people really thought she was my mom when she would be doing the family's grocery shopping while carting me around.  It embarrassed her because in the deep south in the early 80s it was not common for teens to be parents.
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SiotehCat

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Re: "Babies having babies!"
« Reply #29 on: May 23, 2011, 05:43:53 PM »
This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.