"Babies having babies!"

[Redsoil]

I wonder why there is such venom behind these remarks?  Is it because of some type of moralistic superiority, believing that anyone who has sex young is damned?  Is it because people assume they are financially supporting teen mothers through their taxes?  (Often the complaint here in Aus. as there is a "baby bonus" paid of $5000 up front, then ongoing pension support until the child is grown, in addition to family income supplements and tax breaks.)  Is the general assumption of these sorts of people that anyone who is young is unable to bring up a child "properly"? 

I think it would be quite interesting to ask anyone who comments in a nasty fashion about a young mother to her face, if they were virgins when they married?  If not, then it's a case of "there but for the grace of God go they".  (And I'll bet a few of them would lie!)

Plus, I really dislike the judgement made of the young women, when the guys get off with no judgement or consequences at all.

[Brentwood]

When I was a kid, I did a lot of babysitting, mainly for 2 little half Spanish lads. When I started looking after them, they were 3 and newborn.  As my confidence grew with the kids, I started taking them into town. On one occasion, I had a man (30-ish?) approach me and say "Are these yours?" I was so horrified. The eldest boy (5 at the time) said, "No, she's our babysitter, she's only 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" You have to hand it to children, they tell the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just smiled and walked away with the children.

In addition, I had boys I was going to school with at the time, making stupid comments ("Quick work, Holl!"). I would just roll my eyes and ignore such comments. 

Some people ought to just think before they pass judgement.

I agree with your last sentence, but would like to add that people don't need to pass judgment on young mothers (and fathers) at all, even if their assumptions are correct.  There's no point tsk-tsking them after the fact and making them feel bad.

[Hollanda]

I think it is human nature to come to conclusions, even if they are wrong.  What is rude is voicing these assumptions and making a negative connotation with the person concerned. For example, young girl holding child is a teen mother and therefore living proof of a society gone bad. It would be great if everyone could learn to just hold their tongues and say nothing at all in that situation but unfortunately some people are just incapable of doing that.

If said people could read EHell once in a while, maybe they would realise that they are being heinously rude and offensive whenever they choose to voice their (unwanted) opinions.

[weeblewobble]

When I was 12, I accompanied my aunt and uncle to a conference to take care of my cousins, ages two and six.   I was walking them through the hotel to meet their parents, when two ladies behind us loudly observed what a shame it was for "someone like me" to be out in public, how kids today had no morals, and it would be best if society went back to shunning unmarried mothers. It took me a minute to figure out they were talking about me!  But then we got in an elevator and it became more and more obvious they wanted me to know how much they disapproved of me.

It finally dawned on me that I was the "immoral youth" that they were talking about.  I blurted out "Wait, are you talking about ME?" (Hey, I was 12, and pre-ehell.) They sniffed and rolled their eyes.

Now, granted, I was very tall for my age, and always looked a little older. But come on! I spluttered, "I'm 12!  You think I had a baby when I was 6?  You know that's not possible, right?"

I steered my cousins out of the elevator before they could respond. Unfortunately, they were wives of some executives with my uncle's conference, so seeing them throughout the weekend was super-awkward.

[Minmom3]

You kinda have to wonder (the generic you) if they felt anywhere near as awkward at seeing you all weekend.  Finding out that you had spoken the truth about being 12; that you were there to help out family; and that they'd been judgmental hags who got caught being judgmental hags...  Who knows, maybe you were a learning experience for them, just like they were a horrible example of how not to behave for you!

[Brentwood]

When I was 12, I accompanied my aunt and uncle to a conference to take care of my cousins, ages two and six.   I was walking them through the hotel to meet their parents, when two ladies behind us loudly observed what a shame it was for "someone like me" to be out in public, how kids today had no morals, and it would be best if society went back to shunning unmarried mothers. It took me a minute to figure out they were talking about me!  But then we got in an elevator and it became more and more obvious they wanted me to know how much they disapproved of me.

Regarding the bold part: whether you really were a young single mother, a young married mother, or a preteen girl taking care of her cousins, that was a horrible, awful thing for those women to say.

[weeblewobble]

it would be best if society went back to shunning unmarried mothers.

Regarding the bold part: whether you really were a young single mother, a young married mother, or a preteen girl taking care of her cousins, that was a horrible, awful thing for those women to say.

Oh, yes, they waxed poetic about their days in high school, when pregnant teens were sent away from home to have their babies, and how much better that was. It went right over my head, because, again, I didn't realize they were talking about me. So I didn't have time to be hurt.

[judecat]

My nephew's wife used to get that when she used to babysit me in public.   She was 21 and I was 7,  so she was 13 when I was born.   (Yes, my nephew -- I'm 20 to 25 years younger than my siblings, half siblings and step siblings,  and one of the steps second wife is something like 20 years older than him.)

[kareng57]

This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.

I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

[SiotehCat]

This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.

I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.

[kareng57]

This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.

I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.

However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother.  Many times, that is simply not the case.

[SiotehCat]

This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.

I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.

However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother.  Many times, that is simply not the case.

I guess I am not understanding. Are you saying that because she knew that I was a teenage parent that she has a right to make a comment about "babies having babies"? I dont think that comment is acceptable in any scenario.

[Mel]

My own mother looked at the photograph of me holding my daughter right after she was born and said I looked like a 'baby with a baby'.  Sure, I was 17 when I had her (got pregnant at 16), but it still made me feel very little.

I didn't get too many dirty looks raising my daughter (none that I remember anyway), but I have gotten a lot of remarks from my daughter's teachers over the years (I remember a few specific ones from when she was in the 4th grade), saying that I "look so young to have a child that age". *cue mental eye rolling*

She is almost 15 and starting high school in the fall. I graduated 14 years ago.  I wonder how many remarks I'll get from now on... 

[LadyR]

When I was 17, I was at the mall with my aunt and her two children (newborn and 2 1/2), my aunt had to run to the  with the 2 1/2 YO, leaving me in the food court with the baby. Some woman came over and started lecturing me on birth control and how I was ruining my life, leaving me staring at her, having no idea how to react. Thanfkully, my aunt came back, took her baby back and glared at the woman who issued a very insincere "sorry" and walked away. Seriously, even if it had been my baby, what would possess you to go yell at a stranger? And really, just because a young looking woman has a baby with her, it doesn't mean it's hers.

[Piratelvr1121]

This exact comment was made to my mother about me when I was in labor at the hospital. The person who said it? My nurse.

I'm not saying that this was a polite comment by the nurse - but she wasn't assuming anything.  You were clearly in labour, and your age would have been right there on the hospital chart.

When teenagers are giving birth, the hospital is completely in the right if they ask about future baby-care plans, is the father going to provide any support, financial issues etc.  They would need to know whether to refer the case to hospital social workers.

I never said she was making assumptions, but I am not a baby. Calling me one is rude.

However, the theme of the thread was the assumption - that any teenager who was caring for an infant/toddler was the child's mother.  Many times, that is simply not the case.

I guess I am not understanding. Are you saying that because she knew that I was a teenage parent that she has a right to make a comment about "babies having babies"? I dont think that comment is acceptable in any scenario.

I think it's a rude statement even if the teenager in question actually IS the mother of the small child. I've also heard the statement used even if the parents are not teenagers, but are considered to be just as immature by the person saying this.