News:

  • February 20, 2018, 11:42:02 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)  (Read 17538 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

oogyda

  • Member
  • Posts: 4164
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #75 on: June 07, 2011, 02:32:21 PM »
I think that far from being the "mean mom" at the pool, the kids will know you as the mom who sticks up for them.  The other parents will know you as the one who will look out *for* their kids. 

You bring cool toys.  You share the cool toys  ;D. And you organize the play so that everyone gets to play. 

Where's the "mean mom" in that? 

Okay, so you have rules.  Eh, most people do....I bet their parents do. 
You protect the kids who are playing within your group (and your rules).  Makes you somewhat of a hero. 
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

Animala

  • Rowr!
  • Member
  • Posts: 9680
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #76 on: June 07, 2011, 02:34:55 PM »
Wait!  A daycare bused in their kids to your HOA's pool?  That is...I don't know what that is.  I can't even find a word for it.

Fleur-de-Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 1866
  • Dum Vivimus, Vivamus!
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #77 on: June 07, 2011, 02:54:45 PM »
guess I'm feeling like the "mean Mom" because the pool became VERY quiet right after the confrontation.  All the adults seemed to be avoiding my eyes after the incident.  But then again, my friend, who was socializing with the group of parents, told me later that they were all very supportive of my actions.  So, I guess I'm confused and worried that I overstepped somehow.  Even though I KNOW that ultimately what I did was right (rescuing that little girl from the bully).

I know that i might have avoided any interaction that would have seemed like agreement with you simply because that would dial the drama down.

The CellPhoneMom was already outside the boundaries of decent behavior, and you were sort of close. So I'd feel the need to give EVERYONE a chance to "save face," and to act as though it hadn't happened. To let it blow over.

If I'd nodded, or smiled at you in support or agreement, it would probably have simply made CellPhoneMom beserk. And it might have encouraged you to dwell on the topic a bit more, which would be more drama.

I've found w/my kids, and then with other situations, that the best thing to do in the aftermath of a blow-up is to be extra calm, extra "dialed down," and give things a chance to dissipate.

And I agree with the idea that by playing with your toys, and "your" group of kids, that absolutely gives you jurisdiction over her if her own parents don't step in.
This is interesting to me because my knee jerk reaction after someone stands up to a bully would be to make it very clear I support them.  (Having been horribly bullied for years I'm hypersensitive to it.)  However, I recognize that my knee jerk reactions are not always the best actions and sometimes increase drama and gossip.  It never occurred to me that a silent nod or smile would actually be dialing down the drama and not offend the person who stood up to the bully. 

I am definitely going to try this.  I've always thought that a hero should be supported immediately so they don't feel alone.  Which is really me just projecting my thoughts onto them.  I mean, just because I feel alone and small after facing a bully doesn't mean someone else does. 

Thanks for this perspective Toots.

Contrariwise, I agree with *you*.  I stood up (admittedly ill-advisedly) against the one person whose misbehavior was costing my basic training unit privileges by using the phone without permission.  And I was all alone, even though all of us were suffering because of this one hyena. 

I learned that if you don't have the authority to back it up, it's useless to attempt to intercede, and that I was all alone in taking a stand. 

Someone taking a stand will almost always have my support, and I don't confront hyenas on my own. 
I dismiss hyenas as hyenas and, where possible, leave the situation.  If I cannot leave the situation, I employ a cut direct with regard to the hyena.  They choose to not behave in a civilized fashion; they do not merit interaction with me. 
•   Finally we shall place the Sun himself at the center of the Universe.


magiccat26

  • Goddess in training!
  • Member
  • Posts: 2232
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #78 on: June 07, 2011, 04:31:05 PM »
Wait!  A daycare bused in their kids to your HOA's pool?  That is...I don't know what that is.  I can't even find a word for it.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back and forced our BOD to hire a security guard to check IDs.  It's the reason our HOA fees went up and the reason you get interrogated by residents regarding where you live, when did you move in etc. when you visit the pool (if you are new or not well known.)
“If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.” — Catherine Aird

evely28

  • Member
  • Posts: 2585
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #79 on: June 07, 2011, 06:25:30 PM »
I was at our complex with my two children happily playing in the pool when a woman arrived with about 10 children and just took over the pool. Her kids splashed my kids and before I could react, my son spoke up and asked not to be splashed. The woman then said my kids could get out of the pool so her kids could play. I told the woman that she needed to keep her kids under control and then because it was time for lunch AND her kids were so noisy we left. About an hour later we come back just as they're leaving and I see they've trashed the area, left juice box'es and other trash behind. I decided to follow the woman and kids to see where they lived so I could make a complaint. After going around the backside of the complex I see them loading up into a van that's clearly marked with a daycares name. :o

Otterpop

  • Member
  • Posts: 1392
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #80 on: June 08, 2011, 04:46:09 AM »
Evely, that is just CRAZY!  I hope you jotted down their name and number and made a complaint  :o

Magiccat, I'm with you, and I think the other parents should have spoken up too.  Nothing a bully dislikes more than the crowd siding with the victim.  Make no mistake, the girl learned it from her mom.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2011, 04:50:39 AM by Otterpop »

Perfect Circle

  • Member
  • Posts: 3023
  • Birdie in the hand for life's rich demand
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #81 on: June 08, 2011, 06:45:09 AM »
Evely, that is just CRAZY!  I hope you jotted down their name and number and made a complaint  :o

Magiccat, I'm with you, and I think the other parents should have spoken up too.  Nothing a bully dislikes more than the crowd siding with the victim.  Make no mistake, the girl learned it from her mom.

I completely agree with all of this.

You did nothing wrong.

I come from an area of my homecountry full of lakes and we swam (and still do when visiting) all summer. One of the things we all had to learn really early was safety in water. There were no exceptions. Anyone misbehaving was told to get out of the lake and get dressed.

There's a secret stigma, reaping wheel.
Diminish, a carnival of sorts.
Chronic town, poster torn, reaping wheel.
Stranger, stranger to these parts.

girlysprite

  • Member
  • Posts: 972
  • I like big books, and I cannot lie
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #82 on: June 08, 2011, 07:57:34 AM »
While we're on the subject of drawning anyways, I'd advice everyone who hasn't done so already to read this: http://mariovittone.com/2010/05/154/ (the signs of drowning). I found it very helpful!

My thought is that children below 8 years shouldn't be alone in the pool. When children are between 8-12 someone should be at the side. Years can be shuffled a bit depending on the skill of the swimmer, but as long as the child is still a child (up until ~12-13 years) parents should keep a close eye on them. Not just for drowning, but also to see if they behave and aren't pestered by others.

As for how you acted, the moment she said that you had to find her first, you should have told that the danger (and yes, it was danger) was immediate, and there was no time. If she wants to handle her child herself, she has to notice and act immediately in such occurences.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2011, 07:59:11 AM by girlysprite »

Larrabee

  • Member
  • Posts: 4749
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #83 on: June 08, 2011, 08:08:32 AM »
While we're on the subject of drawning anyways, I'd advice everyone who hasn't done so already to read this: http://mariovittone.com/2010/05/154/ (the signs of drowning). I found it very helpful!


Thanks for posting that.

I was taught to swim not long after I could walk, I can't remember a time when I didn't feel comfortable in water, yet I had no idea that's what drowning actually looks like as I've been lucky enough to never see it.

What a brilliantly useful article.

boxy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1037
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #84 on: June 08, 2011, 08:36:31 AM »
We grew up near a huge river and because there were so many drownings in it my mom took us to the YMCA when we were little so we could learn to swim.  Thanks mom!

Carnation

  • Member
  • Posts: 4817
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #85 on: June 08, 2011, 10:02:59 AM »
My sister, who is five years older than myself and eleven years older than my sister, would throw an innertube over one or the other of us in the pool.  Then she would jump on it, effectively holding us under water.

She would also play "smother" where in she would grab a pillow and hold it over your face while you were in bed.

Did I mention my little sister was born with severely compromised lungs?  She has breathing issues to this day and she is 49.

magiccat26

  • Goddess in training!
  • Member
  • Posts: 2232
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #86 on: June 08, 2011, 06:17:18 PM »
I need a picture update on Nessie. I won't believe she is happy in her new garden until you prove it.

Proof http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=97138.0   ;D
“If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.” — Catherine Aird

Lauren

  • Member
  • Posts: 1097
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #87 on: June 12, 2011, 01:20:56 PM »
It's not uncommon in Australia for children to be taught to swim before they're a year old, my cousin was in her first swimming lesson at six months. Backyard pools are so common here and with the majority of the country living within an hour or two of the beach, swimming is incredibly common. It still doesn't stop kids from drowning.

OP you did the right thing. If the mother wants to complain that you stopped her child from drowning another, that's her problem. You handled her perfectly.

gramma dishes

  • Member
  • Posts: 7532
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #88 on: June 12, 2011, 01:51:13 PM »
My sister, who is five years older than myself and eleven years older than my sister, would throw an innertube over one or the other of us in the pool.  Then she would jump on it, effectively holding us under water.

She would also play "smother" where in she would grab a pillow and hold it over your face while you were in bed.


And no adult intervened? 

MrsJWine

  • Member
  • Posts: 8952
  • I have an excessive fondness for parentheses.
    • Wallydraigle
Re: The MamaBear, the Bully and the Community Pool...(LONG!)
« Reply #89 on: June 12, 2011, 02:13:33 PM »
My sister, who is five years older than myself and eleven years older than my sister, would throw an innertube over one or the other of us in the pool.  Then she would jump on it, effectively holding us under water.

She would also play "smother" where in she would grab a pillow and hold it over your face while you were in bed.


And no adult intervened? 

I know someone who did things like this to her sister.  She was unbelievably sneaky about it, and very slippery if she was on the verge of getting caught.  Their parents genuinely had no idea (I really do know this for a fact; it wasn't a case of denial).


I have a blog.  I hate that word.


Utah