Co-Worker - When you think he likes you back, but just can't be sure! Update p8

[Samgirl2]

I need advice guys! I really like a new guy at work and I'm pretty sure he likes me too but without coming out and saying anything I just don't know, but don't want to push it because we work very closely together and I don't want to ruin that. I do however know he is single. What should I do???

So, he's a freelancer who's in our company 2 days a week and will be for at least the next 4 months. For those 2 days a week we pretty much work one on one, all day, on a project together.  My boss, who hired him, told me she thought we'd get on well. I hoped he'd be a cool colleague, but in the 6 weeks he's been here I seem to have developed a major crush. like, weak at the knees crush! It's really unusual for me, and especially because he's completely the opposite of guys I usually go for. Completely.

We've grabbed coffee a couple of times, but always on the run, like while we're on the way to a meeting or something so there wasn't time to sit and chat like that.  I often catch him smiling at me, in a private joke kind of way, when we happen to be dealing with other people.  He smiles at me a lot in fact and has leant on me a few times when he wants to say something he doesn't want someone else there to overhear.  Also the other day we were on our way somewhere when he remembered something he'd left in his office. I waited down in reception for him and when he got back downstairs he had this cheeky grin and said 'so, did you miss me?'. I laughed, said yes and he raised his arms and cheered. So I was thinking, ok, it seems like he wants me to like him, this is good.

Today we had nothing special lined up for the morning so were in our respective offices and it was driving me crazy that he didn't pop by to say hi.  Eventually, at lunchtime I had to forward an email to him anyway and he replied straight back calling me 'S' (my initial) and cracking a joke and finishing with a smiley face.  I replied back that I was popping out to grab a sandwich and did he want anything (thinking, hint, come join me) but he replied that he had stuff already and was watching his figure!

OK, so I decided to drop by his office on my way back in with my sandwich and he asked me to sit down cos he was eating lunch as well. So we chatted easily for about 30 minutes and then he got a phone message on his mobile. He said he needed to make a few phone calls so I got up and said I would head back to my desk.  He asked could he have my mobile number - so he could call me when he was done and we could head over to our next appointment. Now, there is no need to have my private mobile, I have a phone on my desk in my office. I gave it to him of course!

So, he called me on my mobile to let me know I should come downstairs cos he was ready to go. We were filming an open day thing at our company so not much opportunity to chat but plenty of smiley looks over at me etc while he was wandering around filming stuff. Then we went back up to his office at 3.30pm and chatted for 2 hours while he uploaded tapes to the computer. Covered his time at uni, his masters degree, how he got into the job, his living situation, his family, pets, TV shows, what I've done for uni and jobs up to now, where I live, he casually dropped friends who had kids and liking kids into the conversation, what sort of travelling we like doing, plans for the rest of the week (he will be at other jobs), he has an injured foot from playing football, all kinds of stuff. Everytime we had something in common he had a big grin.....Yay.

Also, while he was fiddling with the computer at the beginning of the conversation (setting up the camera to attach to it to upload tapes) he said that he hoped I didn't think the lack of eye contact meant he wasn't listening and just because he was doing something with the camera didn't mean I should leave, in case I thought that, and smiled :-)

Eventually realised it was 5.30pm and he had to go and meet his friend for a lift home. Stood in the corridor briefly and he told me to have a good week, see me Monday, again a big smile.

So, ok I feel positive! But then bit of me thinks maybe he's just friendly and I am reading too much in to it. Maybe he's just being nice because he wants us to have a good working relationship.

How do I feel this out? If he's not that into me, how do I deal, I don't want to look like an idiot by coming on too keen? If he is interested, but he's shy especially as he is in the position of outsider to the company and we work together, how do I show him it would be ok if he asked me out?

[Calypso]

I think it's clear he feels very comfortable with you and wants your positive attention. If you can stand it, I'd wait a bit for him to come to the point and ask you out (I know it sounds game-player-ish, but at this stage I just think it works out better in the long run if he thinks you two dating was his idea  ); however, if he dithers for much too long, you could do the Miss Manners-approved move of "hey, I have two tickets to [the game, a show, whatever] for next Wednesday---are you interested in that?"

[Wonderflonium]

I'd give it time. It could well be that he's interested but is wary of asking you out while he's working for the same company.

[Elfqueen13]

I personally don't date coworkers.  Things sound like they are going well but in your shoes I think I'd keep it friendly until his contract is up.  On his last day at the office, tell him how much you will miss lunches and ask him to dinner instead.

[Samgirl2]

OP Here,

Just another point to add. We discovered our parents live in the same part of the country and were saying how nice it was there. He started talking about this place in the area that's good for picnics and walks and said 'yeah, oh what's the name of it, you must know it, I went with my girlfriend' then looked me right in the eyes and said 'my ex-girlfriend' held it for a second and then looked away and blushed slightly.

I'm hoping he was trying to ensure I knew he was single because he wants me to know, not that he just hasn't go over his girlfriend...

[Ms_Shell]

Quick question.  Does he know that you're single?

It sounds pretty positive so far...to me it sounds like he could be working himself up to ask you out.  of course he could also just be a chronic flirter (Sorry, OP, not trying to rain on your parade, just that it's a possibility).

My advice is to continue getting to know him and decide if *he's* worthy of your standards, not the other way around.  A lot of women contort themselves to be some guy's dream woman, when the right guy will think that you are his dream woman exactly the way you are. 

Sorry for the downer.  I hope he asks you out already!   

[lady_disdain]

If you are working one on one, all day, twice a week with this guy, I think you should wait until the 4 months are up, as well. Can you imagine how awkward if you date, things don't work out and you still have to sit with him all day?

[angilamae]

work crushes are what i miss most now that I work from home.  Getting dressed up for my cats doesnt have the same appeal.

I think your situation is going swimmingly!  I too would wait a bit and see if he takes it to the next level/gives more hints.  I just think when its a work situation you should be a tad cautious.

I once had a co worker who I had a major crush on.  We would email every day, all day and if my desk was taken (we shared desk with the morning group) I would sit near him.  He would always come up to me to say good bye (he was on the morning) and I would say good morning when i came in.  He would also ask what was up when I didnt.  It really seemed like he liked me as well.  But anytime I would ask him to do something, "something always came up"  so alas it just wasnt meant to be.  It never became too awkward cause, well I dont let things like that get to me usually and everything else proceeded like normal.

So keep up what your doing for now is my final verdict.  Do you guys do anything outside of work with other coworkers?  that is usually a good first event to invite someone to.

[Xallanthia]

If you are working one on one, all day, twice a week with this guy, I think you should wait until the 4 months are up, as well. Can you imagine how awkward if you date, things don't work out and you still have to sit with him all day?

I agree.  If something happens (he takes initiative), I wouldn't necessarily say no, but if the spark is there it will still be there in a few months.  I wouldn't push it till after he's done at your company.

[Samgirl2]

Quick question.  Does he know that you're single?

It sounds pretty positive so far...to me it sounds like he could be working himself up to ask you out.  of course he could also just be a chronic flirter (Sorry, OP, not trying to rain on your parade, just that it's a possibility).

My advice is to continue getting to know him and decide if *he's* worthy of your standards, not the other way around.  A lot of women contort themselves to be some guy's dream woman, when the right guy will think that you are his dream woman exactly the way you are. 

Sorry for the downer.  I hope he asks you out already!   

He's asked who I live with etc, he's asked about my friends, who I hang out with, what I've been doing at weekend so I think it should be pretty clear. I haven't come out and said 'hey I'm single' cos that would seem a bit odd I think :-)

I also considered the chronic flirter angle and while he does have a really easy manner with people I don't think he's that way. Not from what I've seen anyway. 

[Mikayla]

I think you're in a very good position mainly because of the fact that this is a 4 month gig.  A lot of this sounds positive - especially the comment about the "ex" gf - so ride it out and see what happens.  A lot of people in his situation, I'd think, would want to wait til near the end of the assignment before actually pursuing something, and in this case, it's not a long wait.  So keep doing what you're doing, because it seems to be working.

[Raintree]

I am no expert on men but I agree with everyone...keep going as you're going, be patient, and see how it progresses. At the end of his contract, if he doesn't make the first move before then, you could then ask to stay in touch and perhaps even suggest doing something outside of work. Until then, I'd wait it out to avoid any awkwardness. If he wants to be the one to risk awkwardness, let him!! It does sound like he likes you.

[Texas Mom]

If you are working one on one, all day, twice a week with this guy, I think you should wait until the 4 months are up, as well. Can you imagine how awkward if you date, things don't work out and you still have to sit with him all day?

I agree.  If something happens (he takes initiative), I wouldn't necessarily say no, but if the spark is there it will still be there in a few months.  I wouldn't push it till after he's done at your company.

^
This

[Deetee]

Another vote for waiting. You still get to see him every day. I agree with a PP that work crushes can be fun.

Enjoy the conversation. Enjoy the flirting. Enjoy the time you spend together. Don't worry a tonne about whether he likes you (you can't control that) but think about whether you like him and various facets of his personality.

I'm not against women asking men out. I asked my now-husband out and pretty much out of the blue. But wait till the end of his time there if you decide to take that route.

[Samgirl2]

Thanks for your advice everyone.  I've decided to keep with the gentle flirting and being friends and see where it goes for now.

It's great fun, we've been chatting loads, like yesterday for 2 hours and not getting much work done...

Then today I popped by his office to give him a file (handy ) and he looked at his watch and was like, "wow, it's lunch time, do you fancy taking a walk to get coffee?"  So of course, yes I do.  So we grab coffee, take a slightly long route back to our building and then he's like "wow, great weather, I'm going to sit out here, I spy a bench in the sun". So I said I'd join him and we had a great conversation for half an hour. About stuff we watched on TV as kids, he was asking about my family, plenty of laughter. Then he had to go to a meeting with someone so I said I really should do some work and he was like, "ok cool, see you later".

So, progress I think, but not scary too fast risking working situation progress. Good I think.