I'm sure now - he doesn't
Things kind of built up and I couldn't take it anymore, I had to be straight with him.
Over the last 2 weeks he has totally ramped up the little touches, the flirty smiles and looks and the teasing, so much so my boss has commented on it (she thinks we should date, it's not a company issue or anything) as have 2 other colleagues. My boss even winked at me when she was in our office last week! Yet he still didn't take it any further, which was driving me crazy. Last week, we were having a mock argument about music tastes and he just looked at me and said 'God, sometimes I think we're just totally incompatible' then changed the subject before I could reply. Why would he say that if he hadn't been comtemplating the possibilities?
Then this afternoon he started asking me about good places to go out in the town where I live, which was not the first time he's asked about where I live (once asking how far my house was from the station -he doesn't drive) and I thought maybe, just maybe. Then he got a phone call, answered it sounding really enthusiastic, but told the person he was still at work and would call them later. I casually asked who it was and he just said a friend, Jane. I was like 'oh right, which friend is she again'? (even though I'd never heard him mention her) and he said he'd met her online and gone for a drink with her last Friday. I was like, 'oh, right, I see', and he said, 'yeah, it's not serious or anything but she lives in the town where you live and I said I'd go over one evening and we'd go out. But then, I also went for a drink with this girl Alex on saturday so you know, it's not serious'. We talk all the time about what we did at the weekend and he's never mentioned any other girls, ever.
Obviously I was gutted but I tried not to show although I couldn't help it just a little. He even asked if I was jealous because he'd gone on two dates this past week, I just said, 'well, yes actually, but life isn't always fair'. Then I was giving him a lift to the station after work and we were talking about work when he suddenly said 'it's all very innocent you know'. I was like 'sorry, what?' and he said 'with Jane and Alex. It's not like I'm two timing them or it's serious. It's just a date, going for a drink, to see how we click. I mean, we met online so we have to meet in person'. I didn't really know what to say as it seemed like maybe it was too late, but maybe he was trying to tell me it wasn't too late after all? As we were pulling up he said 'are you ok, you have this weird expression?'. I got scared and said 'yeah, fine, go phone Jane back while you're on the train (ok, maybe I sounded more than a bit sarcastic...) and he just smiled and said 'see ya tomorrow'.
So, driving home I felt terrible. I was confused as to whether I had missed the boat, why he had been acting the way he had and maybe I just hadn't been clear enough with the green light, and also that I had been just plain snarky to him this evening. I decided i didn't want any regrets, if it wasn't serious as he said, then maybe there was a chance and I couldn't wait any longer so I texted him (we do text sometimes anyway):
"For the record, if you had asked I would have said yes. That's what my expression meant in the car, I was just too chicken to say. Pretty certain I shouldn't have just said it now either, in which case please ignore and don't let it affect work - I won't, and I won't ever mention it again, ever. I can totally do colleagues/work friends. Just felt I owed you an explanation for my snarkyness...."
"Ah, that makes me look a bit insensitive.....sorry about that. Anyway, trust me, you only get the edited highlights at work. I think it's better if we're a bickering work double act...."
My reply back:
"Don't worry about it, but bickering, surely not?
See you tomorrow...."
Of course I'm gutted, totally. But I don't want things to be awkward. I don't plan on mentioning it at all tomorrow, it seems like that's the best course of action?