Why is this YOUR problem?

[sempronialou]

I think sometimes we're looking for a little validation.  We all want a little validation.  It can come off as uncaring to say "why is this your problem".  Maybe a better way to say it would be, "Yeah, it is annoying that coworker is always late.  The important thing to remember is.........."  I think we have to realize that it's nice to validate the person where they are, but also give advice, an opinion, or a dose reality when it's appropriate.  We just have to be careful and use our best judgement.   

[kingsrings]

Just keep it on topic, it's that simple. Don't try to dig in deeper than what was posted, psycho-analyze, anything like that. And if someone does do that, simply grab a Coke and ignore 'em. Don't feed the situation.

[Fluffy Cat]

ITA w/Lynn and Redneck Gravy. I really don't see the point in such statements other than to be snarky or personally attacking the poster. Just think to yourself: if it doesn't have something to do with the question or situation asked by the poster, then don't make the comment. If you really want to say something along the lines of, "I can't believe you do such-and-such", for example, then consider sending it in a PM.

I'm not sure such PM's would generally be polite.  Better than calling someone else out in public, maybe, but not necessarily polite.  If I tell you (g-you) that considering your previous history you shouldn't post in my thread, particularly my cat-related ones, I'm not sure that would be polite.  Outlining in a PM why you think something may be a bad idea, or that you were hurt, and an explanation, or a debate is different, because its about learning.  Chastising, not so much IMO.

[kingsrings]

True about what the appropriate PM should be. It would be about keeping what is personal between two posters - between two posters. The thread wouldn't be hijacked, and no one else would need to be bothered, by the argument between the two posters

[Fluffy Cat]

True about what the appropriate PM should be. It would be about keeping what is personal between two posters - between two posters. The thread wouldn't be hijacked, and no one else would need to be bothered, by the argument between the two posters

When I PM someone critically, I'm actually even more circumspect because its more personal. Not truly private, but personal.  In fact, I never send anything in writing that I wouldn't say in person or would be upset if it became public.  It's served me well. So far. 

[Bibliophile]

True about what the appropriate PM should be. It would be about keeping what is personal between two posters - between two posters. The thread wouldn't be hijacked, and no one else would need to be bothered, by the argument between the two posters

I think it's inappropriate to PM someone when all you want to do is to argue with them.  PM support, discuss things you have in common, etc., but if you want to simply take your in-thread arguement and turn it into an off-thread arguement - grab your Coke and step away from the computer.  I don't see anything positive or useful about PMing another poster with nasty grams.  If someone doesn't want private thoughts shared with the rest of us, keep them to yourself - it's the internet, practically nothing is private.

[bobsyouruncle]

True about what the appropriate PM should be. It would be about keeping what is personal between two posters - between two posters. The thread wouldn't be hijacked, and no one else would need to be bothered, by the argument between the two posters

I think it's inappropriate to PM someone when all you want to do is to argue with them.  PM support, discuss things you have in common, etc., but if you want to simply take your in-thread arguement and turn it into an off-thread arguement - grab your Coke and step away from the computer.  I don't see anything positive or useful about PMing another poster with nasty grams.  If someone doesn't want private thoughts shared with the rest of us, keep them to yourself - it's the internet, practically nothing is private.

Actually I'd much rather a poster disagree with me in a thread than via PM - for me it's more of a "calling out" if its via PM - if it is done in the thread I can get a better idea if it is that poster or myself who is wrong. 

[kingsrings]

But then you're hijacking the thread away from the subject matter, and bothering other posters with something that has nothing to do with the subject matter, or the other posters. It's making something that is supposed to be personal public.

[Bibliophile]

But then you're hijacking the thread away from the subject matter, and bothering other posters with something that has nothing to do with the subject matter, or the other posters. It's making something that is supposed to be personal public.

Why PM someone to argue with them?  What is the purpose?  If it's off topic, start a new thread to continue the off topic discussion, otherwise, there is no need to try to privately argue with another poster.   

[KimberlyRose]

But then you're hijacking the thread away from the subject matter, and bothering other posters with something that has nothing to do with the subject matter, or the other posters. It's making something that is supposed to be personal public.

Kingsrings, I'm afraid that you're coming across as looking for validation to send critical PMs.  There's nothing wrong with asking questions on a thread.

[bobsyouruncle]

But then you're hijacking the thread away from the subject matter, and bothering other posters with something that has nothing to do with the subject matter, or the other posters. It's making something that is supposed to be personal public.

Kingsrings, I'm afraid that you're coming across as looking for validation to send critical PMs.  There's nothing wrong with asking questions on a thread.

Not only that but I have a feeling people are more polite in their disagreements if they are in a thread where everyone can see them than if they are VIA PM (let me tell you, I've heard some horror stories of nasty, rude, over the top PMs!)

[Wry Exchange]

No one has ever sent me a PM, please don't start now.   If I have a question or comment, I assume I'm not the only one, so I post in the topic.  Whatever I have to say gets said on the forum, and I'd prefer if everything was left in the open.  That works for me.  EHell is the only forum I read/follow/post in, and I don't want to get into private fights with electrons.

[kingsrings]

But then you're hijacking the thread away from the subject matter, and bothering other posters with something that has nothing to do with the subject matter, or the other posters. It's making something that is supposed to be personal public.

Kingsrings, I'm afraid that you're coming across as looking for validation to send critical PMs.  There's nothing wrong with asking questions on a thread.

True, but what I'm saying isn't being addressed here.

If you have a personal disagreement with someone that has nothing to do with the subject matter of the thread - it's just something between you and another poster then either let it go and ignore them, or send them a PM so that the thread doesn't become hijacked. *OR* if it goes off into another subject matter between the posters, then start another thread for that subject matter.

[Bibliophile]

But then you're hijacking the thread away from the subject matter, and bothering other posters with something that has nothing to do with the subject matter, or the other posters. It's making something that is supposed to be personal public.

Kingsrings, I'm afraid that you're coming across as looking for validation to send critical PMs.  There's nothing wrong with asking questions on a thread.

True, but what I'm saying isn't being addressed here.

If you have a personal disagreement with someone that has nothing to do with the subject matter of the thread - it's just something between you and another poster then either let it go and ignore them, or send them a PM so that the thread doesn't become hijacked. *OR* if it goes off into another subject matter between the posters, then start another thread for that subject matter.

I still don't get it.  Why would you take an argument into PM?  What is the purpose of trying to get another poster into a private argument?  If it can't be 'argued' in a thread, it doesn't need to be.  I'm not going to continue an argument with another poster via PM, it's a waste of time.  If all someone wants to do is send me a nasty PM to tell me that I'm wrong, that could've been done in a thread - out in the open.  It just seems sneaky to do it via PM. 

[kingsrings]

But why would you do it out in the open? Then you're forcing others to become a part of it when all they want to do is read and discuss the subject matter at hand. If you have a personal problem with someone and it doesn't have anything to do with the thread at hand, then either ignore them, or send them a PM.