I am a huge fan of funny date disasters....when I lived in a dorm those of us who were stuck dateless on weekend nights would sit in the hallway to hold "The Walk Of Shame" and get the funny date stories as the other girls filtered in. It was wonderful fun.
So let's swap "date from hell" stories.....funny disasters though, not stuff that you call the cops/therapists over.
Mine? Why sure.....
I've been very lucky not to have had many true helldates, most of my fellas have been great and I love them all for it. BUT....(there's always a "but", isn't there?)
My friend Jake asked me out "just as friends". He wouldn't tell me where we were going (it was a "surprise") but he verified that I was a history major (this was when I was 19, before I left college...nursing came later). He told me to wear something comfortable, but presentable. So he came to get me and as we were leaving the dorm parking lot he said "Oh man, I forgot my wallet. We're running early for the date anyway, can we run by my place and get it?" I thought that sounded a little weird, but maybe he wanted to hang out and talk first, so fine. We went to his place. I was going to wait in the car since he just had to run in for his wallet but he insisted I come in. When I walked in I noticed him roommates were out. He led me to his bedroom where there are candles lit and music playing. I balked at the door, made some lame excuse about needing to borrow the bathroom and wondered why college apartments never have bathroom windows a healthy sized girl can climb out of. When I came out he got the point and we left.
We arrived on campus where I made the happy discovery that Stephen Ambrose was on campus for a one night only free lecture about Sherman's March to the Sea. I was thrilled beyond words. We had a great time, I got to meet Ambrose after...it was great. I raved to Jake about how much fun I had had, thanked him profusely and decided that the candle deal in the beginning wasn't a big deal. I can't fault the guy for trying to hook up, I thought. He did, after all, get the hint when I beandipped, so all's well. Right? Riiiiiiight.
So he asked if I wanted to go for pizza and I said sure. He insisted that it was on him. We sat down, I let him order (he's buying, he picks the toppings...standard starving college student etiquette). We talked about the lecture, gossip, etc. Then, Jake goes in for the kill.
"I've always liked big girls."
Okay, I was no waif, but who wants THAT pointed out? I sputtered something about "I thought that we agreed this was just friends, I like you okay but I'm not thinking attraction..." blah, blah. Another hasty retreat to another bathroom with another tiny window where I learned the true nature of the suffering of Tantalus...so close, yet so far away.
When I got back to the table, Jake ups the ante and goes on and on about curves, how fat women were prized during the Renassaince, skinny girls weren't "soft" enough, etc. I started feeling like some fat love goddess and didn't like it worth a darn. I finally said "Jake, drop it. You're creeping me out." He was embarrassed and admitted that he did have a "thing" for me but didn't know how to tell me. I told him I was sorry I didn't feel the same and left off telling him that rhapsodizing about my fatness hadn't helped. He took me home and (mercifully) didn't try to kiss me. I told him I had had fun at the lecture and that I'd see him around. It was weeks before I could look at him straight again.