Author Topic: Worst Date Ever.....  (Read 86035 times)

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Carnation

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #135 on: June 15, 2011, 10:43:46 PM »
After the Obama Bin Laden incident, people around here came out on television and were claiming to be navy seals from the area (the SEALs who executed the mission were from this city).

Unfortunately for them, the navy takes these things very, very, very seriously. They tracked these people down and gave them official cease and desist letters with details about the legal ramifications should they ever be found impersonating a government official again. You see, they knew they were lying for two reasons: (1) a real SEAL keeps that fact close at hand, especially with the threat level we are under right now, and would never, ever brag about it on TV and (2) this area keeps a database of all SEALs, EVER to exist. None of these people were on it.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could call someone up and say, "Hey! My date is claiming to be a secret agent/SEAL/CIA/NSA/ninja. Could you check the database for me? Thanks!"

Wow!  That is Darwinism at its worst!  There are people out there who want to kill those SEALS and/or their family members; admitting to be a SEAL right now is really stupid and doing it on tv where some idiot who isn't smart enough to realize that they weren't really SEALS and might just follow those instincts - that is really stupid.  Of course, you also have to wonder how intelligent the people at the stations were to actually believe that these people were really SEALS.

I knew someone who claimed to be an ex Navy Seal.

MerryCat

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #136 on: June 16, 2011, 12:25:23 AM »
After the Obama Bin Laden incident

Erm... you might wanna fix that. ;)

LMAO so sorry!! Can't edit on my phone though!
That is like the worst thing about phone posting...no edits.

It's good for lulz though :)

aventurine

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #137 on: June 16, 2011, 01:19:24 AM »
My sister dated a guy briefly a couple of years ago.  Over dinner, he told her that his last date had ditched him at the restaurant by excusing herself to the ladies' room and never coming back. 

Later on in the evening, my sister felt the call of nature and excused herself to the ladies' room.  When she opened the door, he was standing right beside it!    L O freaking L

I don't think they went out again....  ;D




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MizB

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #138 on: June 16, 2011, 03:50:17 AM »
I have a couple to add but am on my phone so I'll add them when I get back to my computer.
‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’  attributed to Edmund Burke 1729-1797

Wonderflonium

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #139 on: June 16, 2011, 01:41:09 PM »
VorpalBunny FTW!
The status is not quo!

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #140 on: June 16, 2011, 01:46:35 PM »
I vant to end this date!
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Philadelphia, PA

bluedahlia

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #141 on: June 16, 2011, 01:49:37 PM »
VorpalBunny, I nearly dropped my laptop laughing...how did you face him at work after all that?

2littlemonkeys

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #142 on: June 16, 2011, 01:57:13 PM »
 :o Vorpalbunny!  I'm laughing a little at the zombie part but the teeth?  And the biting?  DUDE...

Morticia

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #143 on: June 16, 2011, 02:00:03 PM »
Vorpalbunny, why didn't you have him arrested? He assaulted you and chased you and his "attentions" required you to seek medical attention. Not to mention what he could have been carrying...
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Moray

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #144 on: June 16, 2011, 02:13:02 PM »
Vorpalbunny, why didn't you have him arrested? He assaulted you and chased you and his "attentions" required you to seek medical attention. Not to mention what he could have been carrying...

I was young and stupid. Really stupid. I know I dodged a bacteria-laden bullet. It's difficult to explain why I didn't go to the cops. When he bit me, it was like he really thought I was a kindred spirit and that I'd be fine with it, as if he'd given me a simple peck. Even when he was chasing me, it was more like he was really concerned that I was ok. After I blew up at him, he got a clue and he has since sought counseling.
Utah

Corbin

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #145 on: June 16, 2011, 03:23:32 PM »
VorpalBunny FTW!
POD.

And I think someone has been reading too much "Twilight".... >:D
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Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #146 on: June 16, 2011, 05:15:14 PM »
VorpalBunny"s "date" =  :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

Carnation

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #147 on: June 16, 2011, 05:35:57 PM »
I've gone out with some doozies, but the worst was definitely the time I had to climb a tree in a cemetery to escape a Suprise Vampire and ended up being mistaken for a zombie.

We'd worked together for about 6 months and SV seemed like a perfectly normal guy. Very bright, served in the Navy, funny & kinda cute, in a slightly derpy puppy sorta way. We had chatted a bunch and he didn't give me any hinky feelings at all, so when he asked me if I wanted to grab dinner one night after work, I was down for it.

Dinner was great. We hit up this hole in the wall Thai place he'd been raving about. He was a perfect gentleman, charming, witty, very polite to the waitstaff & he insisted on picking up the tab. I was really starting to like this guy. After dinner, we both remarked on how wonderful the weather was & decided it would be a perfect night looking out over the city.

I live in Salt Lake City, and one of the best views in the valley is from the back wall of the SLC Cemetery in the Avenues, so that's where we drove. The night was glorious, but a little chilly, so I took a second to grab my jacket out of the car before hopping up on the wall. SV was smiling oddly at me when I rejoined him, but I didn't think anything of it, and as we sat, our hands touched, and we scooted closer together. He put his arm around me and we kissed. It was unexpectedly pointy. I pulled back and looked at him...he had fangs. No, seriously, his canines looked like something out of an Anne Rice novel. I must have looked shocked (Duh!) so he explained that he'd had them custom made to fit his true self :o :o :o and had slipped them on while I was putting my jacket on.

I'm pretty open to individual kink (I like playing dress up as much as the next girl), so I asked him some questions. No, he didn't just like to wear the fangs and pretend, he liked to bite...and puncture...and drink the blood...and I smell good and he bets I taste good too and EEEEK! I'm not scared, just totally turned off. I am many things, but a blood bank is not one of them.

At this point, I feel like I really need to end this, so I tell him I have an early day and need to get home (I was many miles from my apartment). He says OK, and we hop off the wall to go back to the car. I stumble, he catches me and as he's righting me, heLATCHES ONTO MY NECK!!!. It hurts like hell, like I'm being stabbed with a fork, like...someone biting you in the neck. I scream, break free and leap over the wall, running down into the very very dark cemetery. He follows, yelling after me that he "couldn't help it". He's gaining on me, but I know this place pretty well, so I duck off the main drive, dodging headstones and heading for this memorial bench underneath a huge tree. Up I went, using strength I did not know I possessed, into the tree.

I could hear him calling and cursing for a good 20 minutes before he finally gave up. I have never been so happy to hear a car drive off in my life. I rolled my ankle getting out of the tree, so I'm limping along, blood streaming down my neck, crying and groaning and I'm covered in dirt & leaves, making my way very slowly through the cemetery so I can get to a gas station and call my friend to come pick me up and get me to an urgent care for treatment of my bite and ankle when I run into a group of teenagers walking along the perimeter. They look at me. They look at each other. They look at me. I'm about to call out to them. They run. I do not blame them.

I made it to the gas station 1/2 an hour later.

Good grief. :o

lady_disdain

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #148 on: June 16, 2011, 05:57:22 PM »
VorpalBunny- surely it isn't a coincidence that, after your date with vampire boy, you are "now with nasty, big, pointy teeth!"

Moray

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Re: Worst Date Ever.....
« Reply #149 on: June 16, 2011, 06:02:22 PM »
VorpalBunny- surely it isn't a coincidence that, after your date with vampire boy, you are "now with nasty, big, pointy teeth!"

Haha! Don't say such a thing. I will not have my perfectly innocent love of Monty Python sullied in such a manner.  ;)
Utah